A couple days ago someone asked me, “What does it feel like when people say they are a fan of yours or are intimidated to talk to you?” After I laughed for ten minutes, I replied that it’s crazy! I am the biggest goof in the world, and definitely not someone ANYONE should be intimidated by.
I don’t want people to see me and not introduce themselves, so here are, in the words of my husband, my “Top Ten Dorkiest Qualities.”
1) I rarely wear shoes that aren’t flip flops or flats, so when I do wear something with a heel I am guaranteed to trip spectacularly. It’s OK to laugh if/when you witness this.
2) If there is any sort of live historical event (presidential inauguration, selection of a new Pope, official presidential funeral) I will watch every second of footage. President Ford’s funeral was when I was on my honeymoon, so my parents recorded it for me. Most people would be bummed that their honeymoon was over, but I was excited to get home and watch the pomp and circumstance.
3) I have many wardrobe malfunctions. In college, I was dancing at a formal dance in a smoking-hot dress. Suddenly, my date gasped and put his hand on my chest. My spaghetti strap had snapped, and let’s just say a bra didn’t really go with the dress (sorry dad!). Luckily my date was gay and very handy with a safety pin. Another time, I was at the Belmont Stakes in a brand new skirt. I don’t know WHAT happened, but at one point I stood up from my chair and my new skirt was ripped from seam to seam. Everyone behind me got a nice view of my thong (sorry dad!). And of course, who can forget when I flashed a packed nail salon.
4) On my DVR right now: thirteen episodes of “Little People, Big World,” and eight episodes of “The Little Couple.” I watch them over and over.
5) I make videos starring my baby and my dog. Where I do their voices. And maybe I do their voices even when I’m not making videos of them. And sometimes the three of us have conversations and I’m just gonna stop right here.
6) I still sleep with a teddy bear that I’ve had since I was six years old. This will never change.
7) When I get good news, I shriek and do a happy dance. Yesterday I got some awesome news, and the patrons at my local grocery store were witness to me squealing as I spun around clapping my hands excitedly.
8 ) If there was an olympic event called, “toilet breaking” I would win the gold. I have broken seats, pulled off handles, shattered water tank lids, and uh…made toilets overflow. I have done this at home, in other people’s homes, in hotel rooms, and in restaurants.
9) Lee Corso is my sworn enemy. HE KNOWS WHY.
10) I entered the Cosmopolitan Magazine Model Search when I was twelve, with this photo, and I thought I looked H-O-T.
So if you ever see me, be it on the street, at a conference, or looking in my window, don’t be intimidated. I’m just a giant dork.
My coolest birthday giveaway is up now, check it out!
Dorks of the world unite?!
I’m totally digging the scrunchy, just saying.
But, but, but…you’re so intimidating with yer awesomeness. Can’t wait to snuggle your face!
I’m with you on the historical events, Heather. I can’t pull myself away.
And, of course, I’m reading this with my scrappy old bear, Humphrey, tucked under my arm. He digs your writing.
And you didn’t WIN that Cosmo contest? I’m shocked!
Did you want to be a model when you grew up? I always did. When I was around 12 years old, I used to take dorky pictures of myself in tight jeans … thinking I was all that. I wasn’t. But I thought I was.
Ms. Anthropy says:
I love watching Little People and Little Couple! The Little Couple are from my area.
That scrunchy is H.A.U.T. *and* it may just be the universal scrunchy because I am *sure that I had the exact same one in the exact same colour, oh, okay, and in purple too!
Nothing like a blue scrunchy in a side ponytail to make a serious statement to the world
Marti from Michigan says:
President Ford’s funeral was in my home town, because that is where he is from! Grand Rapids, Michigan……Betty will be here eventually as well. When his body arrived at the Gerald Ford Airport here, there were people lined up the entire route from the airport to his Presidential Museum in Downtown Grand Rapids. I was part of that entourage as well. We held signs saying stuff like “We Love You Ford Family”, “Gerald Our Ford” as well as other nice sayings, and American flags. Gerald R. Ford, so someone paid for a huge billboard that could be seen by the Ford family on their way to the Ford Museum that said simply, “Gerald Our Ford”. I am so honored to be from the city where he grew up!
You’re not a dork Heather, I do a lot of the same things.
Whoa whoa whoa.. hold it! What was the awesome news?
Wow, am I super duper nosy or what?
Lynn from For Love or Funny says:
LOL! I can’t believe you submitted a photo where you look REALLY bored to Cosmo’s model search!!! Too funny!
Thanks for always being so honest. My theme for this summer is “pushing past my comfort level” and you set a great example with this post.
Amanda Griffin says:
What a jerk.
But then he redeemed himself slightly for me last season.
So you are saying if I ever met you, in a bathroom while wearing a pair of flip flops that coming off it would be totally okay to happy dance?
But what if I am wearing tennis shoes?
I love the Cosmo picture. I don’t know why you weren’t selected! Crazy editors!
Mary Ann says:
I LOVE The Little Couple and Little People Big World. Did you ever see The Little Chocolatiers? I don’t know why but they make me so happy I could watch them over and over again. I love your Cosmo picture, it would make a great PMS cover.
I think I have that same pic of myself LOL!
I’ve always felt sure that I’d really like you if I ever met you in ‘real life’. Now I’m even more sure!
Hey–I have a scrunchie in NOW–are you saying they are no longer “cool”?
I love this post! And glad to know I’m not the only 30-something Mom who sleeps with a stuffed animal from her childhood
I watch Little People, Big World too. When Jon & Kate split up I didn’t give a rat’s ass. But I’ve always said that if the Roloffs become victims of the reality show marriage curse and split up, it will be a sad, sad day indeed.
I have been reading your blog for a while now and this is my first comment. I’m glad I’m not the only one who still sleeps with a teddy bear (I thought I was a pathetic 24 year old until i read your entry) and also loves little people big world.
That scrunchie defines awesome. I know this because I had many – MANY – of them myself. Love it!
LOLOLOL love the photo. thank you for brightening my day.
So do I out-dork you since I still wear scrunchies to make ponytails? I do sleep with a stuffed animal too. Anyway, this was fun to read – and I hope the good news is about your aunt.
But the baby/dog voices are so freakin’ hilarious! I would love to hear some of your “behind the scenes” conversations, lol!
Jen L. says:
Oh, my gosh, the side ponytail! I had one, too!
I’m glad you wrote this. But prepare yourself because you’ve now opened yourself up to a big ol’ HUG from this here southerner at BlogHer. I can’t wait to meet you!
I love that photo! You haven’t changed a bit, except for the lack of scrunchies in your current photos
I went to a wedding a couple of weeks ago, and one of the plastic circle things that held my straps together on my dress SNAPPED on the way there. My mom had to repair it with a bobby pin and I had to cover it with my sweater for the whole wedding. The dress is ruined and I only wore it maybe three times I’m not buying any strappy dresses again without first carefully inspecting them for weak points.
I do the voices for my kid and my two cats daily. I say wave your freak flag high!
I love that you own your dorkiness. I totally and a geek and a bit of a dork too.
Ha ha well your still a pretty cool dork! Just remember you are an inspiration to many people!
I watch every show of Little People Big World and Little Couple too! I have even got my hubby hooked too!
Ok….. so now I’m laughing at my desk and everyone knows I’m not working!!!
You absolutely cracked me up!
Loving the scrunchie – I also thought they were the height of sophistication!
Yay! giant dorks unite! One time at work I broke the handle off the flusher while flushing, somehow managed to launch it into the air and down the flushing toilet. It was gone forever and I had to go out and explain to the manager that I had just flushed the handle of the only toilet down the toilet. Glad I’m not at that job anymore.
and I do a happy dance too!!
Mary @ Holy Mackerel says:
I only hope I get to meet you one day. You sound like you could be one of my best friends.
1 – On the ladder of Dorkdom, does the banana clip rank better or worse than the scrunchie??? I’m just curious cuz the banana clip was my BFF! for many years.
2 – Back in the day (before we had kids), we had a cat. The Husband and I were trying to fall asleep one night when I heard a noise in the living room. I went out there to see the cat staring at me with a guilty look on her face. So I said (in the same high-pitched voice you would use to speak to a toddler, “What did you do? Tell Mommy what you did.”
3- I sleep with a crib-sized blanket that I’ve had since the dawn of the dinosaurs. On the rare occasion that I let my kids use it, I stare at them with a twitchy eye until it gets put back on my bed.
So, Fellow Dork, it is good to know you. Let your dork flag fly!
cindy w says:
I heart you, giant dork.
I don’t wear heels either. Flats FTW! I also have conversations with my cats in which I do their voices and they talk to me in those voices. So, yeah. Just like Norman Bates once said, we all go a little mad sometimes.
You crack me up!
Miss MVK says:
This post made my day. My DVR is similar…I had to stop myself at Little Chocolatiers.
I live in OR where the Roloffs live and when I head to the ‘burbs and see them at Home Depot or something I get TOTALLY STARSTRUCK. My husband thinks my fascination with little people is bizarre. But now I know i’m just one of the cool kids like Heather Spohr!
I love it. I would defintiely be shy and intimidated to say hi, but only because I’m crazy shy. But, after reading this I may now be a little less intimidated if I ever (god willing) get the chance to finally meet you in person.
Trisha Vargas says:
I feel ya with all the toilet mishaps.
ahem, i hate to correct your grammar… but it’s not H-O-T, it’s h-a-w-t when you use it in that context
i don’t know why… i just know you can’t break the rules of the internet when referring to scrunchie pics
I might possibly love you even more now… not in a creepy stalkerish way.. I just think you are even cooler now!
The Suburban Housewife says:
I love the baby and dog voices on the movies you make. They are hysterical!
I am with you on the shoes. I love my flip flops and flats. If I do have to go out in heels, watch out, because I will most definitely stumble and twist my ankle.
We all love your dorkiness!
haha, I love it! As a huge college football fan, I especially LOVED reading about your signs for game day! Awesome.
But as a lifetime Longhorn, I gotta say Hook ’em Horns!!! My favorite game of all time has got to be when we beat USC at the Rosebowl! Sorry for the painful memory:) Unfortunately I couldn’t be at the game, but you should have seen the celebration here on campus and throughout Austin. Ah, good times! According to my husbands “college football countdown”, we only have about 70 days to go until the start of the new season. Woohoo!!!
I am huge dork too! I have to admit 1 and 4 are so me all the way. My husband laughs at me when I wear heals!!
I also LOVE Little People Big World and The Little Couple. Just the other night I was watching a marathon.
I cant wear flip flops, the thong thingy kills that place between the first and second toe. What the hell is that called anyway.
I am so feeling your angst, and it makes me laugh, and the sideways pony with the scrunchy is WAY cool.
Oh my gosh I’d never say that you are intimidating. Some day we WILL meet and I WILL hug you.
Snickrsnack Katie says:
I’ve seen the Little Couple in person before! They live in Houston near me. I didn’t get to talk to them but they are so adorable! I love their show. I guess I am a dork, too?
I like your scrunchie picture! LOL. You definitely have that “bershon” look to your face!!
My whole family has voices for all our dogs. And we hold conversations. Between them and ourselves. Sometimes one person conversations. I come from a dorktastic family.
I would totally say hi if I saw you!!! (I live on the other side of the country, though, so it’s sadly unlikely.)
I still sleep with my childhood stuffed animals Baby Orangutan and White Monkey. (Clever, right? Don’t blame me, I wasn’t old enough to speak!)
I forgot to mention that my mom made up a weird accent, monkey speak, and we would have my stuffed animals talk to each other in this accent. Yeah. I don’t think you’re the weird one.
I laughed at every single one of them, because I am so guilty of many myself. My favorite being the voices for your daughter and dog, we in our house yes I have even taught the children to do voices for all our animals. My husband of course thinks I’m insane but that’s why he married me so suck it up and deal babe. I am sure I will never be in CA and you never in OH so I will probably never get the chance to meet you, but if I did I wouldn’t be scared at all now.
Lol! I think we ALL have the scrunchie, WTH pictures. I also have very questionable bang pictures, Starter jacket pictures and so much more.
I tried to pick one post that was my favorite, but I just can’t do it. I like your heartfelt posts just as much as the ones that make me laugh out loud!
It’s not dorky…it’s endearing.
I love it. And the scrunchy? Hilarious.
I would like to start a movement to bring back the scrunchie AND the side ponytail.
I’d also like to thank you for being the voice for those who are not ashamed of creating voices for babies and animals. It’s one of the finest forms of entertainment, in my humble opinion.
I about died laughing at the Olympic gold medal mention!!!!! My husband has “banned” a friend from using our bathroom after so many “incidents”! It was a fun read read…thanks for the giggles!
Sarah R says:
I’m a giant dork too!!! Glad you posted this because now I feel normal (or not)?
fine, i’ll say hi then. hi.
Holy Crap! I just came across this post and its like perfect timing, because it just reminded me of a dream I had a couple nights ago. As creepy as it may sound, here goes:
So I had a dream that I was at an event that required lots of people to gather outdoors (hey, my dream decided not to provide any further peripheral detail) But I saw you and kept trying to get your attention to say hi and that I follow your blog and that you’re the first from my blog world that I’ve met. And just as you were about to speak, some other lady (who was a cross between Edna “E” Mode from the Incredibles and Amy Bishop) intervened our going-to-be-awesome convo and said “not uh, you met me last week and I BLOG” Total mood killer. And the dream ends as the dog jumps on me to be taken outside.
Undomestic Diva says:
PUNKY BREWSTER? IS THAT YOU? I can’t tell, because I can’t see the mis-matching socks…
I know I remember a picture of you. On a pig farm. WITH SCRUNCHIES!!!!
You, me and Heather…all down with the scrunchies.
Undomestic Diva says:
Dammit, Issa. Always calling me out on the things I wish people would kindly forget about. SCRUNCHIES FTW!
Sadly darlin, my superhero skill is remembering random details that people wish I’d forget. ;0)
Now if I ever see you in person I will fall over laughing thinking about the Toilet Terrorist! Striking fear in to all toilets near and far….
OK, now I REALLY want to meet you…Dorks are WAY cool.
If I ever saw you, I would definitely introduce myself! I think you are an amazing mom and an inspiring writer. I’m glad you’re a dork like me, too!
::fistbump:: That was for the angst and scrunchy. We’d of soooo gotten along at that age.
This year, I hope to see you more than last. I won’t tell people how you bite.
ps. Can I steal this idea? I like the idea of showing my inner dork to the world.
rachel cortest says:
I am an even BIGGER dork. I thought that was a photo of you now. You have not changed at ALL. Great post. Have been gone for a few days so need to catch up on the last ones. I will be at The Compassionate Friends National convention in Washington D.C. next week. It is an amazing experience. This will be the third one. It is like having three days with Tomás. Do you want me to put Maddie’s name on my sign when we do the Walk to Remember? It would be an honor. hugs
K Faull says:
Am guessing Cosmo never got back to you! That is about the best model search photo ever.
Thank you so much for a good chuckle this morning; I needed it.
Laurie SL says:
I love your post! It made me realize how much of a dork I am too, hahahaha! I love watching Little People, Big World and the Little Couple and I am famous (in my husband’s eyes) for my happy dance Take care and happy early birthday!
I love the whole side pony tail.
I don’t get this whole intimidation with other bloggers. If you ran into George Clooney and you felt like an intimidated asshole, that would be one thing, but a blogger? You’re only as famous as your readership, which makes me a giant loser, but whatever.
I thought I was the only one who had a really bad habit of busting toilet seats!
duuude! i thought i was the only one who broke toilet seats. i do it all the time.
Oh, and my glamour shots are WAY worse than yours. wayyyyyyyyy. you have seen them!
This list made me smile. Dorkiness is awesome. (Firefox says that’s not a word. LIES. That’s definitely a word.)
This post makes me want to be friends with you. Please let us know the next time you appear on College Game day!
pretty (face) says:
And your dorkiness is what makes you amazing! Seriously, your warmth radiates from your writing and is what makes people want to read it. x
You should’ve totally won the contest.
and what was your good news? i’m into feel good news these days.:)
I’m pretty sure if you had smiled you would have won the photo contest. You look great with that frown….
This is why you’re one of my besties. I still sleep with my baby blanket, I don’t talk FOR my parents’ dog, but she has so many nicknames she doesn’t know her real one. We’re both klutzballs – er, falling down the stairs @ Presents anyone? I cry when I watch mushy parts of Pixar movies, I love crappy 80’s music and most of all – I love YOU!
My kids and I snuggle up together Monday evenings to watch “Little People Big World.” We were most distressed to see Matt lying on the floor at the end of the last episode. We are also worried about Matt and Amy’s bickering. We like happy endings…
oh, this post was so incredibly funny…. Rigby’s humping was the BEST thing to brighten up my day! and, regarding #4… have you ever seen the “Little Kiss” band? I’m from Johnstown, PA and they are going to be at Thunder in the Valley tonight. I bet you’d LOVE them!
Amy Collen says:
Little People, Big World YEEEEESSSSS!!!! Will they divorce or will they stay together. Hmmmmm….ah wait, I am behind on the episodes!!! I didn’t know about Matt lying on the floor!!! Gotta catch up!
I am also guilty of watching the Road Rules/Real World Challenges. Although without my precious DVR (we are between moving from one place to another) I will have to wait.
Also love the Little Couple. I think it is so cool that she is a NICU doc! One of the mommy NICU blogs that I read even had her as their doc!!! LUCKY!!!!!
Happy early birthday Heather! And just so you know, I totally make up voices for my dog, and for stuffed animals with my daughter, and… yeah. And I LOVE your videos. Dorkpower!!!
Amy Collen says:
Ah yes, I have an embarrassing moment story too. I was trying on dresses at a store then coming out to show my husband and our guy friend (who is NOT gay and looks a lot like Tom Cruise & Scott Wolf) just how hot I really looked. So hot in fact that when I put my hands in the air to show off my gloriousness the short dress went up and showed off my beautiful old granny undies and the fact that I hadn’t shaved. BOTH my husband and our Tom Cruise/Scott Wolf guy friend actually looked down then COVERED THEIR EYES. So freakin’ embarrassing. I shudder just thinking about it.
Jen Deaux says:
I had a pink teddy bear that was given to me the day I was born. Any time I would go to visit back home I packed her up just in case something happened to the house. 3 years ago (I was 27) we went home to visit and I forgot to pack her. The house burned down. Pinky was the next thought after realizing we lost our cats in the fire. I miss all three of them. Pinky saw me through a lot of heartache and abuse.
YAY for being dorks! I say we form a club… that’s dork-ish too right??
Loved reading all the linked stories on here as well today – a lot of them I’ve never seen before, so that was fun.
I love your blog Heather and you make me laugh so hard. If I saw you somewhere I would have to have your autograph….. sorry but I am a fan.
You are so wonderfully human! I especially loved your signs for Lee Corso. No clue who the dude is but the signs are Priceless!!!
I used to work for the Kennedy Family so when Edward Kennedy passed away, I had to watch or read every news event on him 24/7 and just couldn’t pull myself away.
When I met you in LA with Ali and I didn’t realize that you were this FAMOUS blogger, until my one friend freaked out about it. I guess I should have known that you were well-known, when my friend said, oh, you know, HEATHER SPOHR!
insert *shrug shoulders*here.
Sorry. To me you were just a Mom with a very adorable baby. You were very real and I guess normal (whatever normal is) Heh.
I will just never discuss or trade stories of alcohol consumption or people watching with you.
Insert LARGE LAUGH here.
Capital Mom says:
Awesome! Now I may overcome my nervousness to say hi to you.
Looks like a photo I had my Mom take for me to send in to the 17 Model Search. I just KNEW I could be a model, if only they would come to my little po-dunk town in Kansas. HA!
My husband totally thinks I am a dork for sleeping with my bear, or my Snoopy…
Tracy Oliphant says:
I wear flip flops all the time in the summer and tennis shoes all the time in the winter…
There are no words to express how awesome this post is….along with the post describing why Corso is your sworn enemy. I haven’t laughed this hard in ages….thank you so much!
Funny! I was just thinking about who I would LOVE to see at Blogher this year and you were #1! I wouldn’t be afraid though… instead I would just give you a hug, and you probably would be afraid of ME instead! Not everyday you get a random stranger hugging you! But in my head we are friends
That’s too funny, I think we’re all inner dorks. But you might regret telling people to come up to you….you might find yourself amdist some serious crazies.
Despite what you say here, I would still be completely flabbergasted is I ever ran into you in person. Working in a pediatric dental office, I have actually thought about this situation occurring with you and Annie. As neat as it would be to meet you, it would scare the hell out of me!
LOVE the photo. Very Napoleon Dynamite
This post is so full of win.
You just might be my idol =)
I absolutely love this post in so many ways!
I love this post! I admit, I have often thought if I met you in person I would be TOTALLY intimidated! One day we could share embarrassing stories!
Amy Collen says:
I got a chance to meet Heather in L.A. at the March of Dimes. Trust me, Heather is not intimidating at all. I just went up to her and introduced myself and that was it :). She is very nice, cool, and funny. Just like all of us. LOL!
I am watching the Little Couple on my DVR right now. Best show ever.
Mama Fuss says:
LOVE the 12-year-old Heather picture. And the scrunchie really makes the outfit. Totally.
Michele Wallace says:
I am cracking up out loud right now as I sip my coffee and try not to wake my sleeping babies :). You are funny, I SO enjoy reading your blog daily (over my 1st cup of coffee) and wished that we lived “somewhat” closer as I would love to meet you.
You’re the coolest dork I know.
Btw: you totally look like Punky Brewster in that picture!!
Speaking of running into you and being intimidated by you, I had a dream about you last night. A really strange one, actually.
In my dream, my fiance and I were trying to come visit you, and we thought it would be better to climb through a window than to ring the doorbell. So of course you and your husband were about to pound us with baseball bats. But as soon as I said that I read your blog, you whipped out an autograph book to have me sign along with all the other web stalkers who had come to visit. Totally weird.
Thank God it was just a dream!
Now Heather dear, you know I dig you girl BUT……I am wearing a scrunchie RIGHT now and it’s smack dab on top of my head.
It could be worse, I could be sporting a banana clip…….
P.S. Your pic? Total model material, babe.
i cannot believe there is someone else in this world that likes the pomp and circumstance of public and private “events” i too watch every funeral, pope elections, wedding=anything i can-what a kick
You’re still kick ass Heather! Hehe. Love that photo of you. You were so cute! And you still are beautiful. I LOVE, “Little People, Big World” and “Little Couple” too (although I’ve been seriously slacking watching episodes)! =D
Because of a foot surgery I have found I recently need a tad bit of a heel to keep my foot from hurting. This has been a really fun experience and I’m going to break an ankle before it’s all over and then it will all be for nothing.
Also the scrunchy? I still use them for ponytails and I used to put them in a kind of half ponytail and poof the front. Totally HOT!
This is quite possibly one of the most awesome blog posts I have ever read. EVER. EVER. EVER.
The toilet breaking! ME TOO! My husband calls it my superpower. The number of toilets I have caused to clog and/or overflow…well, I’m not going to put it in writing but suffice it to say, there have been many. TMTP (too much toilet paper) – guilty as charged. We stayed at a B&B one time and yup, clogged, and he had to go knock on the kitchen door while they were making the Breakfast part of B&B and then carry a plunger back upstairs to my waiting arms. NEVER AGAIN, he declared. Anyone know where I can find a “travel plunger” that I can fold up and carry in my purse.
Love this post.
I don’t need heels to trip spectacularly, heck I don’t even need shoes to do that.
I’m glad I’m not the only one that can’t tear myself away from the pomp and circumstance of those things. My husband makes fun of me when I watch that stuff for hours.
First time visiting your blog. Totally can relate to the scrunchie, and I’ve broke our toilet in the back bathroom twice by sitting on it while giving the kids a bath (hmm.. wonder if that’s telling me anything, lol). I also trip all the time, heels or not.. usually it’s on flat ground wherever there is carpet. Maybe because we have hard wood floors in our house I forgot how to walk on it??
Adding you to my blogroll. Look forward to your posts!
Tara Chapman says:
I absolutely love this post! I love reading your blog! It is one of my absolute favorite blogs.
Ahhh, I think we might be very similar people (not quite the same person…but pretty darn close!)! We share a birthday; I still sleep with Teddy, who I got the Christmas I was six; I fall often enough that it hardly phases my husband when I come home from a run with bloody knees (not that he isn’t sympathetic…he just isn’t surprised); I do voices for just about every animal I meet, as well as for “Chip” our potato head kid who calls everyone folksy; and I’ve got a good healthy dose of dork going on in my life!
Fun post, I’ve been reading for ages, but have only commented maybe once.
Heather, I hope that someday I have the honor of meeting you (and your dorkiness) in person!
Lisa @ Early Morning Run says:
haha! I totally remember the incident from the Belmont Stakes! I felt so bad, cause it happened so early in the day; good thing you had that jacket with you! Still an awesome day!