A couple days ago someone asked me, “What does it feel like when people say they are a fan of yours or are intimidated to talk to you?” After I laughed for ten minutes, I replied that it’s crazy! I am the biggest goof in the world, and definitely not someone ANYONE should be intimidated by.
I don’t want people to see me and not introduce themselves, so here are, in the words of my husband, my “Top Ten Dorkiest Qualities.”
1) I rarely wear shoes that aren’t flip flops or flats, so when I do wear something with a heel I am guaranteed to trip spectacularly. It’s OK to laugh if/when you witness this.
2) If there is any sort of live historical event (presidential inauguration, selection of a new Pope, official presidential funeral) I will watch every second of footage. President Ford’s funeral was when I was on my honeymoon, so my parents recorded it for me. Most people would be bummed that their honeymoon was over, but I was excited to get home and watch the pomp and circumstance.
3) I have many wardrobe malfunctions. In college, I was dancing at a formal dance in a smoking-hot dress. Suddenly, my date gasped and put his hand on my chest. My spaghetti strap had snapped, and let’s just say a bra didn’t really go with the dress (sorry dad!). Luckily my date was gay and very handy with a safety pin. Another time, I was at the Belmont Stakes in a brand new skirt. I don’t know WHAT happened, but at one point I stood up from my chair and my new skirt was ripped from seam to seam. Everyone behind me got a nice view of my thong (sorry dad!). And of course, who can forget when I flashed a packed nail salon.
4) On my DVR right now: thirteen episodes of “Little People, Big World,” and eight episodes of “The Little Couple.” I watch them over and over.
5) I make videos starring my baby and my dog. Where I do their voices. And maybe I do their voices even when I’m not making videos of them. And sometimes the three of us have conversations and I’m just gonna stop right here.
6) I still sleep with a teddy bear that I’ve had since I was six years old. This will never change.
7) When I get good news, I shriek and do a happy dance. Yesterday I got some awesome news, and the patrons at my local grocery store were witness to me squealing as I spun around clapping my hands excitedly.
8 ) If there was an olympic event called, “toilet breaking” I would win the gold. I have broken seats, pulled off handles, shattered water tank lids, and uh…made toilets overflow. I have done this at home, in other people’s homes, in hotel rooms, and in restaurants.
9) Lee Corso is my sworn enemy. HE KNOWS WHY.
10) I entered the Cosmopolitan Magazine Model Search when I was twelve, with this photo, and I thought I looked H-O-T.
So if you ever see me, be it on the street, at a conference, or looking in my window, don’t be intimidated. I’m just a giant dork.
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