I’ve been doing a bit of catch-up on blog reading (at the rate I’m going, I should be all caught up in about seven years…assuming no one updates in the meantime), and I noticed one of those question-and-answer prompts being used on a lot of sites. The questions were all about the previous year in an attempt to help the blogger remember key moments and be reflective and such. And I thought it would be fun to do as I start my eleventh year of blogging. I still really enjoy looking back at posts from five, six, nine years ago and remembering the events I wrote about.
I started answering the questions…and damn, two thousand twelve was kind of a shitty year. OK not kind of. It’s probably not a stretch to say it was the second-worst year of my life. I mean, look at some of my answers:
What did you do in 2012 that you’d never done before?
Be under general anesthesia for a D&C.
Did anyone close to you die?
Oh, just one of my best friends.
What dates from 2012 will remain etched upon your memory and why?
The day I found out I’d miscarried. The day Jackie died. The day I found out my aunt had cancer again.
Can you imagine how depressing my answers would have been if I’d been in a bad mood?
Obviously there were good things in 2012. I found out I was pregnant again, and that the baby is a boy. We all celebrated more birthdays. I came within ten pounds of my goal weight (Hyperemesis silver linings! I kid, I kid.) I had some great trips with greater friends. My husband and daughter made me indescribably happy.
Even though I’ve strived to remain positive and upbeat during this pregnancy, it hasn’t been easy. When I have a day where I throw up twenty times before noon, I just want to curl up and quit. I used to be an intensely positive person – not just a glass is half-full-type, but the glass is full-full! With water! And air! And POSSIBILITY! And while life has beat that out of me a little bit, I do still naturally lean toward the positive.
But just because I’m inclined to look at the bright side doesn’t mean I should feel obligated to. Yet, I do it all the time – just two paragraphs above, for instance. Maybe that’s because I don’t ever want to appear ungrateful, or because I’ve always been told someone else has it worse (I always secretly want to slap someone who throws around perspective, and then say, “but just think, I could have punched you in the nose!”). But you know, sometimes things are just crappy, and there is no bright side. And I have officially given myself permission to not feel compelled to find one.
So sometimes on the days when I throw up twenty times before noon, I will get back in bed and not say, “but I’m just happy to be pregnant!” And I will not feel guilty that the first three dates that popped into my mind from 2012 were bad, instead of the day I got a positive pregnancy test. Besides, I feel like this baby boy belongs to 2013, and that’s where I want to be.
So good riddance, 2012. You sucked.
ella says:
2013 will be great for you!! A brand new baby, and Annabel will be 3, the cutest, funniest age!
Molly says:
You are an inspiration, lady! And you are going to OWN 2013
Jenn says:
No doubt about it, you did have to endure some terrible things in 2012 and you’re right, those bads do seem to take away from the goods. 2013 will bring you a new little soul and with it – hope, joy and excitement for the future. Our past is constantly leaving us with little battle wounds – some deeper and uglier than others but thankfully, it’s our new joys and hope that help fade those wounds and give us the strength and courage to go on….even on the days we don’t feel like it. xoxo
Editdebs (Debbie A-H) says:
Your 2012 sucked big, but I’m wishing you and your family lots of great things in 2013. And I hate those people, too. Pain in NOT a comparative sport. Again, wishing you a wonderful, wonderful 2013!
Elizabeth says:
Heather, I also am usually one who likes to think that the world could be like that old Coke commercial (I’d like to teach the world to sing …), but sometimes it is good just to admit that something sucked and 2012 definitely sucked for you. Here’s to a great 2013 with Mike, Rigby, your princess, and princess!
DefendUSA says:
Well, since the Acrobat is a boy, maybe, juuust maybe…you could name him Jack? And 2013 is going to be good for you…It’s time!!
Kristin says:
You shouldn’t feel guilty at all for your feelings. 2012 did suck for you!! Hoping 2013 is full of happiness for you!!! I’m already over 2013 myself, but it can be good for others, right?!
carole says:
Until the middle of December I would have said that 2012 had been a perfectly acceptable year. Then my mother died suddenly at only 71, so now 2012 is the blackest of black years as far as I’m concerned and I don’t hold out any great hopes for 2013 either.
Soem things don’t have a bright side.
Pattie says:
I’m so sorry for your loss, Carole. Much love to you, and I hope 2013 sees you start on a path to healing.
Laura says:
Amen sistah! I had a cancer recurrence, hospital stay, moving a month after the hospital stay, no job, COBRA payments starting in June – 2012 you were the WORST! Besides the re-election of our President 2012 can kiss my hiney goodbye!
Pattie says:
Here’s to a great 2013 for you, Heather (and for us all).
Johanna says:
2012 was a terrible year for me and my family as well. My grandma died in January. She was my last grandparent and my grandfather (other side) had only died four months before. From there it just got worse. I lost my job. My mom broke her leg. My dad tore his ACL and Miniscus. He had major dental work. Their house had numerous repairs needed to be done. It was just bad and rough.
But this year started off with a wedding and I can only hope it’ll get better from here. Same for yours. You had a bad, rough year too. But you have the little Acrobat coming! I can only hope the very best for you this year, you DEFINITELY deserve it!
Lindsay says:
Oh man, you are so VERY MUCH ALLOWED to not be happy and grateful all the time, even when others have it “worse”. After all, you’d NEVER tell someone they shouldn’t be happy because other people have it better.
Here’s to a much-improved 2013!
Miriam says:
Heather – Life has dealt you some imaginably hard blows – and I am in awe of your resilience (and Mike’s). While sometimes it’s hard to read your blog during the tough times and I seldom comment (since anything I might say sounds hollow), I always know you will come out the other side. And I’m always glad to see more light hearted blog entries because I take that to mean you are in a good place.
Here’s to a great 2013, can’t wait to meet the acrobat and hear more Annie stories.
And maybe I’m a bit jealous of your diligence in blogging because even though there is a lot of sadness, there is also a lot of joy in what you have blogged and one day Annie (and the acrobat) will love reading all these stories.
KeraLinnea says:
There is very little that I find more annoying than someone trying to force you to cheer up by reminding you that others have it worse. Like, DUH. I am fully aware that there are people whose lives make mine look like a constant pony ride with cupcakes. That doesn’t change how I feel in the moment one bit, and I think it’s rude to try to force someone to change what they are feeling just because you don’t like it or are uncomfortable dealing with.
So go on with your bad self, Heather. Feel what you feel, and don’t feel bad about feeling it. You had a shit year, and you have every right to be glad it’s over.
Here’s to 2013…fresh and full of possibilities!
Julia says:
I am a nearly incurable optimist and I will agree that 2012 sucked big time. came in second only to 2006 — I will never drink wine from either year. better times ahead.
Ashley says:
I just love this post. I also struggle with wanting to always find something positive to counteract negative thoughts or feelings I have. Thanks for reminding us that it’s okay to admit things suck sometimes!
Jessica says:
I hope that 2013 brings much better things for you and your family and also I think it’s totally healthy to not love every minute of things. I tried that and it just didn’t work :).
Lauren says:
Ugh, we had a shitty 2012 too – here’s to 2013 being better and brighter for us all!
P.S. Can’t wait to see your new baby boy this year!!!
Meg says:
I’m catching up on my blog reading too and it has been a long time since I have visited yours! I actually came to see if you had another baby in the works I also thought 2012 was one of the worst years ever. My son was stillborn this year (my 4th pregnancy loss). I think that tragedies like this (and the loss of sweet Madeline) put other awful things in perspective. I completely agree that sometimes there is no good in a situation!! So sorry for your miscarriage but glad you are expecting again. 2013 can’t be much worse than 2012 is what I say!
Katrina says:
I wish you nothing but the BEST in 2013. You deserve a great year after what 2012 dished you.
I can relate a bit to what you say in your post, about how people will throw perspective at you…someone always has it worse, yadda yadda yadda….people do the same to me, but in a different way. Because I have chosen to have a large family, it seems have lost the right to complain about bad days. Like, if my friend with three children showed up at our book club and said, “Man, the kids really drove me nuts today. I need a glass of wine!” all the moms in the room will give her that knowing look, the I-can-relate look, and will pour her a glass of wine out of sympathy and understand for a mom who has had a busy and stressful day. But see, if I were to say that, I would not get the same treatment. The FIRST thing someone says to ME if I even slightly complain is “Huh, yeah well…with all the kids you have, you gotta expect that.” or instead of looking at ME with a knowing-mom-I-can-relate look, they look at each other with a well-she-wanted-that-many-kids look. Where is MY glass of wine? Where is MY understanding amongst the mommy club? Aren’t I a mom, too, who is allowed bad days and good days? Can’t I get a bit stressed now and then? I don’t think it’s fair, but whatever. I soon learned this after I had my 5th baby, noticed I was treated differently in that regard, that I had somehow lost the right to have a bad day. So I learned over the years to just be quiet; I do not complain AT ALL to anyone except maybe my husband (and sometimes on my blog!) and now guess what? That backfires on me, too! Because the comments I get now go something like this:
You are always so calm.
Nothing ever bothers you.
You never get stressed.
And then I’m put up on some stupid pedestal amongst my group of friends as some damn “supermom” because foolishly they think I can do it all without having bad days. Ugh, whatever! I can’t win.
Charlane says:
It’s funny, well not funny maybe coincidental is a better choice, so it’s coinsidental tht we write this today. I am like you, I like to think that I’m lucky, I’ m blessed, I’ve got it good. My daughter had Autism, and I always say how lucky I am it is not too bad, how thankful I am that she is where she is and that I have a little extramoney to get her some extra help. But man today I just wanted her not to be disabled. I just want her not to have Autism. I was so sad that this happened to this happened to my family, that this happened to me. because yes our whole family feels and has to accommodate for her diagnosis. I just felt awful that I would think such a thing when someone else out there wishes they could be us… I wondered if my feeling sad for my situation, was ungrateful and if it was ever okay to feel bad about the crap in your life when you know how much the good outweights the bad. I can relate to this post so very much today.
Katrina says:
I can relate to you. In 1997 my perfectly healthy 4 year old daughter sustain a brain injury from a car accident. After she woke from her 3-week coma, she was no longer the child I knew. She lost her speech, the ability to move the right side of her body, and her eyes pointed in different directions. It took years and years of intense rehab to get her to where she could walk and talk again. She recovered slowly, but never fully. Her life had been altered, just like that. And it was so damned unfair. Her personality, her mental abilities, had changed along with all the physical changes. I was heartbroken, and I missed the “old” her very, very much. It’s been almost 15 years since her accident; she’s almost 20 years old now. She cannot drive a car, she has learning disabilities, she’s having trouble finding a job, she walks with a limp, cannot use her right hand… and YES I am VERY grateful for the recovery she has made. YES, I KNOW that it could have been much, much worse. TRUE, she could have DIED that day of the accident. AND YEAH, I know that others have lost children while mine still lives, is still here for me to love on and to enjoy. But my loss is still real. I hated when people would tell me that I shouldn’t be sad, that she was still WITH me, that others had it worse, etc, etc. As if I didn’t know all of that. I did know all of that. I DO know all that. But knowing that others have it worse…doesn’t make me feel all that much “better” because my pain, my sadness, is still very real. I still get sad and angry that my once perfectly abled daughter is now handicapped due to a stupid driver that lost control of her car. I don’t dwell on it, nor do I let those feelings rule me. I push them to the back of my mind, for the most part, but I still have my days when I think, “Why her??” and it makes me extremely sad, even to this day. I think we all have a right to feel sad and/or angry about our own situations. Who are others to tell us we don’t?
MJ says:
The answers to my questions would be as follows:
What did you do in 2012 that you’d never done before? I had a miscarriage, and then endured infertility.
Did anyone close to you die?
My SIL’s dad. On Thanksgiving.
What dates from 2012 will remain etched upon your memory and why?
Thanksgiving, and December 22nd, the due date of the baby I lost, the day I got my first tattoo, and the day I gave up the idea of being pregnant ever again.
The idea for the ink was actually from you, and the one you got for Maddie. Thanks for the idea. Thanks for sharing your story. I’m so excited for Annie to have a little brother, and you’re gonna love having a boy! I’ve got two, ages 5 and 3, and they are the best.
AmazingGreis says:
Love you!! Hoping for so much greatness for you in 2013. Also, I hope I get to see you at some point!!! XOXO
Auntie_M says:
It’s ok by me if you just wanted to flat out say, “2012 Sucked Hardcore”
I don’t know what it is in us that feels this need to make long speeches and disclaimersto about how we know we don’t have it THAT bad or acknowledge that others may be worse off than us, or that yes, yes, good things happen too when all we really want to do is acknowledge the shitty and hope and trust that those who truly know us will take all those disclaimers for granted because they know our hearts…and just leave it at that.
So, yeah, Heather, to you I raise a glass and say “2012 Sucked Hardcore for you! Good riddance to it already! Bring on 2013!”