My mom is a professional present wrapper. Well, not really, but she COULD be. She could charge millions (well, dozens) of dollars to wrap gifts for others. She could win prizes with how beautiful her packages are.

This was not an inherited trait.

I abhor wrapping gifts. I tell people it’s because I’m all green and care about the environment, but really it’s because I just can’t stand wrapping things. Since I’ve already put in the effort to find an awesome gift (and I give awesome presents), I just don’t get why I have to waste money on some paper to cover it up. So my usual approach is to either shove the item into a shopping bag or leftover gift bag, or to just say, “Close your eyes and put out your hands!” This has always gone over splendidly. Because it’s the thought that counts.

Until I met my husband, that is.

Mike insists on having his presents wrapped. I’m fairly certain I could give him a home-enema kit and he’d be happy with it as long as it is wrapped. He doesn’t appreciate my money-saving ways. He claims it’s not being thrifty, but LAZY. Fine.

On his birthday one year I covered his presents in old newspaper. I thought that was totally economical but SOMEONE said it was messy and showed that I hadn’t “planned ahead.”

Another year we had a HUGE box in our living room full of packing peanuts, so I thought it would be fun to bury his presents in the box. Creative, right?

Well, the morning of his birthday came and I cried out, “HEY! Let’s go open your presents!” and he said, “OK! Did you wrap them?” And I said, “I properly concealed their identities, if that’s what you’re asking.” And he said, “WTF does that mean?” And I said, “Just shut up and come out to PRESENTS!” So I led him out to the Big Box of Peanuts and said, “HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” And he just looked from me….to the Big Box of Peanuts….to me…and then said, “Uh, what is this?” So I explained that it was a treasure hunt for presents! And it’s fun! And super creative!

And he said, “As long as my presents are wrapped in there.”


Now Father’s Day is in a few weeks, and I need to know…do I have to wrap his presents? Because really, they are from Annie, and if we’re going to be authentic, she doesn’t know how to wrap anything.