When we moved, Annie’s sleeping went kablooey. She didn’t want to nap, she didn’t want to sleep. When we WOULD finally get her to sleep, she would wake up screaming like she’d just been visited by Freddy Krueger. Mike and I were desperate and exhausted, and we had her sleep in our room. In our bed.
Big mistake.
See, this isn’t a mistake for a lot of people. But with a kid like Annabel, we can’t get away with a one-off thing. Even though she can’t verbalize it, she will not forget that yesterday she slept in our room, so why the heck should she sleep in this crib tonight? You can’t put anything past her.
So, here I sit in the green arm-chair while Mike lies on the floor, and there is Annie – screaming. SCREEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAMING. You see, right now, I am writing this while we are letting her cry it out. We are currently twenty minutes in and I am afraid Mike might crack. That’s why I moved from my desk to the chair in Annie’s room – to make sure Mike doesn’t give in. I’m sure he’d say that he’s afraid *I* will crack, but no. I am a warrior.
Thirty eight minutes in and I just realized the night-light wasn’t on. Parent fail!
Thirty nine minutes in, turned on this cool projector thing my Aunt Kathy gave Maddie. Annie looks up at the ceiling and, between sobs, says, “coooooow, moo.”
OK 45 minutes in. I don’t know if I should be impressed by her resolve or annoyed that she is still crying about going to bed.
Fifty three minutes in. She has the cry hiccups. It’s adorable and sad and OMG I JUST WANT TO PICK HER UP AND HUG HER! Especially when she starts saying, “maaaaamaaaaaaaaa.”
An hour. AN HOUR. Annie is still hiccuping and whimpering, but MIKE has fallen asleep on the floor. Even the dog is still awake.
Solitaire time.
One hour and twenty seven minutes after we started, Annie is asleep. She is gasping and mumbling, but she is sleeping.
She looks adorable and sad and tear-stained. I just want to pick her up and cuddle her all night.
But I won’t….because then she might wake up.
Kate says:
I feel her jammies need a disclaimer:
“I my mom & dad……………………..but not at night when they are completely cruel to me and endeavoring to make my life hell."
Bea says:
Exactly!
This was horrifying to read. That poor girl.
Kate says:
I suppose I need to note here as well that I was being facetious. And am all for crying it out?
The internet needs a sarcasm font.
Heather says:
I knew you were kidding, Kate! It’s all good in my hood.
Kate says:
We coo’, man? We coo’?
As I revisited this post/comment today, I thought of that episode of Modern Family when Cam can’t let Lily cry it out. And suddenly, I imagined you trying to tackle Mike like Mitchell did, clawing at the walls to get him to stay away from her room…………….
I am that person.
Heather says:
She was fine. She woke up smiling and asking to watch Dinosaurs.
edenland says:
Punch.
Lisa says:
Dude, really? Ridiculous comment.
Kate says:
I, uh, met from Annie’s perspective?
In a funny and totally light-hearted way?
You know, humor?
Not sure how that earned the “ridiculous” label, but one man’s prat fall is another man’s treasure, I suppose.
Tonya says:
Oh well, Kate, I thought your comment was hilarious.
And to Heather, the “Coooooow, moo,” thing cracked me up too. I’m sure in the middle of her fit, a cow appearing on her ceiling messed with her mind!
Stay strong, from a mama who did NOT. I finally ended up getting my five year-old out of my bed after she’d been there since birth. It was awful. And I felt awful because I knew it was unfair of me to change the rules five years into it. But she was beating me up in her sleep, I’d just had another baby, and I was OVER it.
Fiona says:
Been there, done that….some people have a lot to say about it…..I have 2 words: It works! She’ll get the message…..tonight it might be an hour, then it will be 45 minutes the next night, then 20 minutes, then 5…..it does work if you’re consistent, same thing every night.
Hope she settles better tonight.
Fiona x
Becca_Masters says:
thats exactly what Supernanny says. that woman is amazing. her tips really do work.
Megan@TrueDaughter says:
Annie is more than plenty old enough for the cry it out. She gets it. She just doesn’t like it. She knew mom and dad were nearby. I have done it with all of my kids, but not until they were plenty old enough to “get it”. Like, I would NEVER let a newborn cry it out, or even a 5 or so month old. But once the little chickens reach 8 to 10 months, depending on the chick, we so pop them in bed, and do the cry it out thing. Luckily, we have so many kids that it is really just party time for them, they are entertained by older sibs until everyone passes out.
Amy says:
Exactly my take on the issue too It works.
kristin says:
We are currently in CIO hell also. My huybby brought ber back to bed with uus “just this one time” and now she screams for our room right around 230am… And yet, here I am, the one awake, listening to her scream like we’ve abandoned her in Siberia with the Russians… Good Luck, Mama!
Joy says:
haha Kristen. they really do know how to make you feel like hell. and all because you put them in THEIR bed alone to go to sleep when obviously they are being left out of the party that is going on with out them.
glad you stayed strong I speak from experience I am a CIO momma it really does work, I promise!
Jenn says:
I laughed at her PJ’s – how ironic! ha ha ha
The price we pay for Sleep!!!
Hugs for you both!!!
Kim says:
Tonight will be better and by Tuesday night she’ll probably cry even less. Usually takes 3 nights. Hang in there, I know it’s rough.
Beth says:
Heather, your posts always crack me up and this one is no different! Thanks for sharing your stories, my son is 16 months and you help me feel like I’m not alone in this toddler craziness! An hour and a half, you and Mike are much much stronger than my hubby and I, we just can’t bear to hear our bub cry that long – it does seem cruel! I honestly don’t see what the big deal is with letting a toddler sleep with you – we do it most nights and we all sleep better snuggled up together. I figure he will only be little for a short time and we all need our sleep. It’s not like he’ll be sleeping with us when he’s in college. I hate sleeping alone so can’t imagine why my son would be any different. Our society places so much “importance” on tiny children being able to sleep independently, it just doesn’t seem natural to me. But different strokes for different folks, the beauty of parenting is that everyone gets to make their own choices! Best of luck to you and I’m sure Annie will be sleeping like a champ in her new digs in no time!
Brandy says:
We definitely had to do CIO (and still have to some nights with a 4.5-year-old and a 3-year-old!) some nights and while it sucks, it definitely works. Ugh. I hope your nights get better!
Patrice says:
I never lasted more than 20 minutes…which meant our daughter slept with us for many…wait for it…YEARS. Still miss her cuddling, though!
Nina says:
You need to experiment with the whole approach, but when my daughter was goig nuts after a transition it was helpful to cuddle her until she was sleepy and then put her into bed. The screaming would start immediately, but she would be much easier to settle. I’d just hang around for a bit stroking her back if she was very upset, then on the second day I didn’t touch her I just stayed in the room and on the third day I was outside the room but it was enough to tell her ‘shush, shush’ for her to settle back down.
If she starts settling down quicker in the next couple of days, it sonds like it’s working, but if she doesn’t it might mean she needs a more gentle approach.
My daughter was good at self-soothing, my son not so much. We dump her in her bed with a kiss, she howls for a minute and then nods off. On the other hand the same thing would literally leave him in breakdown mode so he needs a lot more reassurance and support than she does.
Beth says:
Oh gosh, been there and done that last night with our EIGHT year old. She is going through a defiant phase and refuses to go to bed. Took two adults to keep her in her room last night. She cried, screamed, and shouted for 3 hours.
Stay strong! It sucks initially, but it should get better quick (faster for you than for me, unfortunately!)
Jen K. says:
Yeah, had that last night. My 18 mo. old woke up at 2 AM screaming (and we haven’t moved or anything). I’m weaker than you and gave in 1/2 an hour later and rocked him back to sleep. And now I have a crick in my neck from falling asleep in our non-reclining glider. Sigh.
Lora says:
Sorry you had a rough night!
Tina says:
Annabel sounds like my Cody (who is almost 6 now). He too wouldn’t forget lol If you give an inch to Cody he will take a mile!! He is still like that I’m afraid!
Up until he was 6 months old, he was the kind of baby you had to breastfeed/rock to sleep and then veeeeeeeeryyyyyy gently lay on his bed and then tip toe out at a snail’s pace because God forbid he realized you HAVE PUT HIM IN HIS BED!!!
When he was 6 months old, at his christening, he got a cold… it was bad. So I had him sleep in my bed to keep an eye on his fever etc.
It would have been ok except Cody took about 10 days to get better and after that there was NO getting him back to his bed!!!
The problem was, I have twins… so I had to get up several times to feed or change John… It got to the point that two months in the move (he was 8 months), he would sleep with one eye open just in case I slipped out on him during the night… and then try to crawl after me, falling off the bed, no matter how slowly or gently I had gotten up to tend to John… (who btw at 6 still doesn’t sleep through the night!)
We tried it all… at the end, we let him cry it out. The first night, I was behind the door, holding the handle for 45 minutes, frozen in place… after 45 minutes he fell asleep.
The next night, he cried for 20 minutes… the third for 10 and the fourth night it was a few minutes of fusing and whimpering and it was all over.
I know a lot of people are anti-cry it out, but sometimes (in older babies and toddlers because I too am anti-cry it out for anyone under 6-7 months), it is the only way!!
Hang in there girl (and Mike and Rigby).
It WILL get better!!
HUGS!!!
Tina
Shan says:
I too laughed at her jammies. Good for you for sticking out though!
Renee says:
We made the mistake with our younger son and PAID the price! Good luck…stay strong!!!
Barbara says:
I know sleep is one of those hot-button topics, so I’ll tread lightly.
I am a member of the camp that believes that a child of Annabel’s age isn’t capable of manipulation. She has needs, those needs are not extinguished at night unless she learns they will not be met. Biologically speaking, a human baby expects to be within arm’s reach of her mother at all times, including, some might say especially, night time.
The way I looked at interrupted sleep was like this: I have a need for 8 hours of sleep. My daughter had a need to be fed, cuddled, and reassured at night. Since I am an adult, I am better equipped to deal with the consequences of my needs NOT being met. I never cried uncontrollably when I didn’t get enough sleep. I may have felt like it, but I didn’t.
Being a sucker for your kid and not wanting to hear her cry is normal. I am stunned that so many mothers go against what feels right in the name of sleep training.
I’ll step off of my soapbox now. I know that you are a wonderful, nurturing, mother. We will have to agree to disagree on this one. Good luck getting some rest!
Terri says:
You and I are in the same camp. We had to get a bigger bed. Everyone sleeps great now though. I will miss these nights of snuggling someday I’m sure.
Jessika says:
I’m with you at this camp, too. I sometimes have a hard time falling asleep, I sometimes wake up in the middle of the night for no reason – I’m especially prone to these things when big changes have occured in my life. So we don’t CIO because we also see it as a primal need that is not being met, and CIO will not (in my book) help meet this need. Plus, I’m a sucker for snuggles.
Erica says:
I too am in this camp and often share a bed with our 3 year old.
I really don’t see the problem and love having her with us. Our 1 year old needs us to fall asleep but is then happy to sleep in his bed all night long. Every child is different. As is every Mama. We all have to do what is right for our family. Good luck Heather, I hope Annie sleeps better tonight xxxx
Anna says:
You seriously think a child this age isn’t capable of manipulation? Your beliefs about sleep training aside, that is just wrong. Human beings can manipulate from the get-go.
Dee Dee says:
I like ya Anna! A child that age can manipulate and anyone that doesn’t believe it needs to have a seat and watch a play area full of 18 month olds!
Dee Dee says:
A mother without sleep is not as good at meeting her toddler’s primal needs! Sleep training is what it is and we all need to be better supporters of the mothers we encounter in person and in the internet. I wish we could all practice “what works for you” parenting rather than trying to undermine another person’s parenting via the anonymous internet world.
Amy says:
Well said Dee Dee…
I refused to do sleep training with my son for, well TOO LONG! I had no ME time in the evenings nor time with my husband. Was stressed, frazzled and son the same.
When the twins came along I was determined from day 10 that at nap and bed time they would be put in their crib AWAKE. The most I got was a few minutes of whimpering (rare). They simply learned very early that they could fall asleep on their own. Maybe it helped they had a twin beside them? Maybe but I think it was just the fact that I changed my tune.
With son I felt I could never put him down in his crib awake.. Would rock him, nurse him or stand on my head naked to get him to go to sleep (if it had worked I would have tried ;). Meanwhile he never ever learned how to fall asleep on his own and sleep training started at 1.5. When he finally caught on he was happier during the day and I sure as heck was too!
Michelle says:
She and my youngest twin would get along great. My Maddie is stubborn as a mule and when the day came that I decided I wasn’t going to meet her every request she WAILED full on for an hour and 40 minutes. It was so painful. I think it took about 4 days. She basically cut it in half each night. I remember what a victory it was the night she only lasted for 30 minutes. Best of luck to you!
Jen says:
Good job mom!! The worst thing is hearing them cry and wanting so badly to make it better but knowing at the same time you gotta let them cry it out! Hang in there it will get better!!
Tara says:
I’m proud of your resolve, Heather! Keep it up
Jenny says:
Impressive stamina by both of you!! Hopefully tonight would be better.
Here are a couple of stories that might make you laugh…..
When I was born I was in the ICU for 10 days. I wasn’t really sick (it was 1979) and the nurses thought I was fine, but the doctor insisted. Anyway, I would cry so loudly that the nurses shoved by crib in a closet so I wouldn’t bother the other babies that actually needed the ICU.
When I was the the 8 month–1 year range, my parents were letting me CIO (obviously it wasn’t a thing back then, but they were going to let me cry). I would get so mad and so worked up that I would cry until I made myself throw up. This of course meant that my parents would have to come in and hold me. My mom swears that I knew what I was doing
I also have twin sisters who are 12 years younger than me. They were very fussy babies. We once went to my Grandma’s house for Christmas. They were very bad the entire day at her house and then proceeded to cry the ENTIRE 2 hour drive home. They didn’t stop screaming. The second that we walked into our house they were happy as clams. The rest of the people that had endured that 2 hour drive weren’t exactly happy then though!
Tracy says:
I highly recommend “Healthy Sleep Happy Child”. It was our bible with both our kids.
Colleen says:
Good job, stay strong! Children that age ARE capable of manipulation, that’s why they do the “not really crying thing” when they want something they can’t have. Sleeping independently is so important to them! You are giving her a real skill and you are NOT being cruel. Besides, you also have a right to a good night’s sleep. I did the exact same thing you did to my daughter when she was even younger than Annie. She is now a extremely well adjusted college freshman at U of Mich, a beautiful, well adjusted, smart, and idependent girl who thinks for herself. You are right. It won’t be like this every night, but it might be a little rough for a few more….
Bianca S says:
I totally agree. Hang in there, Heather and Mike! You are doing so well.
Molly says:
I admire your nerves of steel! Good for you. Now we know where Annie gets her resolve though By the way, not to add to your second-baby fever, but I always had this notion that siblings could help with the CIO sleeping thing in houses where parents need their own bed to function. My nephews sleep together at night (and they actually sleep! not just play) once the little one got kicked out of mom’s bed–adorable.
J+1 says:
Hang in there. It’s brutal (and it does seem to take about three nights, as others have said above) but in the long run it iis best for all. Not easy, but best.
Rebecca says:
We are definitely a CIO family too. When my 18 month old can turn her tears on/off like a water faucet whenever it suits her, I would say that YES, kids that age are capable of ‘manipulation cries’- it’s just her testing her boundaries and find how far she can go with the whole thing. Stick it out! I promise, you won’t regret it in the end!
Oh, and the sibling thing someone else mentioned? SO true! When we moved my 1 year old son in the room with my daughter who was 3 at the time, it actually helped them both sleep a lot better. *wink, nudge*
Jeannine says:
so totally agree with you! My 18 month old very much has learned these skills! boundary testing starts young.
Terra says:
GOOD JOB Momma and Daddy! Might I recommend watching/Reading Supernanny? We’re a Supernanny family and we LOVE her ideas! You two are doing an amazing job!
Terra
Jeannine says:
CIO with my three kids too. Its easier when the door is shut and she is in her room by herself. If you’re in there, the kid thinks “wahh wahh wahh PICK ME UP! WHY ARENT YOU PICKING ME UP! wahh wahh he’s not listening.” I believe they are crying not because they need something but because they are upset by the change. with my first i thought it was bc she needed me…………… she was in our bed til age 17 mo and still is a bad sleeper to this day (6). second child, cio earlier, way better sleeper. Third child, cio one night (5 mo), sleeps like a lamb. I think learning how to self sooth on their own in the middle of the night is key. Now if we hear them crying in the middle of the night we know something is wrong – not that they just woke up and couldnt go back to sleep. Anyway, my point is: I think you’re doing her a favor – she needs to learn these skills! I know you were not asking for suggestions but if CIO with three kids taught me one thing it was put them to bed, hug and kisses, pat on the back, say goodnight, leave the room, dont go back in unless they are climbing out of crib or puking. Makes the CIO process a lot shorter.
Anyway, sorry for the unsolicited advice; good luck!
Lesley says:
I’m expecting my first. I am in the CIO camp with you! I worked at a daycare for 8 years (high school and college) and I sleep trained babies/toddlers all the time (I had parents bring me in goodies and whatnot praising me for helping them get their child to sleep independently). We had no choice at daycare – when you have 6 babies to watch, you can’t rock each and every one of them. We would sit by their crib, rub backs and heads, shush them and they would fall asleep. Eventually, the back rubbing and shushing became just sitting there so they knew we were there, then eventually we just had to put them in the crib and walk away. And they (each and every one of them) would just lay down and fall sleep. If they stood up and cried, we’d simply walk over, lay them back down (without saying a word) and repeat. They got it. At 18 months, they are VERY smart and can absolutely be manipulative. Good job! It’ll get easier each day. Now let’s just hope I can do this with my own kids….
lisaj says:
We are currently trying to transition our daughter to sleep in her own crib after bed sharing for the better part of 22 months. We are night weaning, too…you can imagine how FUN this is for us! lol.
Last night we had a breakthrough. Instead of waking and asking to nurse, she asked for a cup of water. AND WENT BACK TO SLEEP ON HER OWN. OMG!
WIN!
Of course, tonight I am sure it is back to S-1, parents-0.
Good luck, Heather and Mike!
Mtob says:
It works! Keep it up and she will be fine!
Jen says:
It will get better. It’s hard now, but I think worth it. I never could sleep well with my kids in bed with me. To make sure that no one had to deal with ultra-crabby Mom I had to make sure they slept in their own beds. Good Luck!
Courtney says:
I love the jammies, I love mom and dad…but not at night! You are a warrior on the toughing it out front!!
Lisa says:
Go you! You did it! Did CIO w/my 2 kids and it worked great – takes a few days but is so worth it. They’re such happy kids now that they’re rested – and I’m not so frazzled now that I get sleep! They are super attached, loving, sweet kids. It works!
Snarky Mommy says:
It will definitely be less the next night and the night after that. Then it’s a habit. I have CIOed three kids and they all sleep 12 hours in their own beds in their own rooms. You can do it!!!!
Bria says:
I totally feel for you guys. My son is two and although he USED to sleep really well and go down easily, something has changed recently (I think it has to do with being two and all that entails). I don’t use the CIO method (it just doesn’t work for us) but I do let him cry for a while then silently go to him and return his bear and blanket. Usually I can get away with going in only once but boy does he try my patience sometimes. I hope things get sorted out soon for you guys. Hang in there!!
susanmig says:
we had to do CIO with our oldest when he was a bit younger than annie. i think (can’t recall completely because he’s 17 years old now and i’ve probably blocked it out too!) i would go in every 5 min or so the first night just to reassure him that everything was “okay”… NOT to pick him up….just for about 45 seconds or so. then leave…that was hard!! the first night took about 1 hour before he fell asleep. the second night probably took about 45 minutes….same drill. i believe the third night he was out within 20 minutes with minimal crying. the whole thing was very hard for me because i had been rocking this kid to sleep every night…the problem started when he would stir upon being put in his crib, realize that he was no longer in mommy’s arms and start crying….aaaaaand the whole cycle would begin again….rock, crib, cry, rock, crib, cry, etc…we finally had to resort to CIO and it worked. baby #2 learned to fall asleep on her own from the get-go. sometimes i feel like didn’t rock her enough…gads, those kids better make a LOT of change when they grow up! they are going to need it for therapy based on how much or how little i rocked them
Chelsea says:
Good job, way to hang in there. It’s tough, that’s for sure, but you are a warrior! : )
Kelly says:
You are a brave woman. To listen to those screaming screams for that long, is harder than hard. Good job, Mama.
Carrie says:
We did CIO with our 3 year old twin boys when they were 6 months old and it was hands-down the best thing we ever did. They sleep like champs now and it is all because of CIO.
I am firm believer that by doing CIO you are actually giving your child(ren) a valuable gift by teaching them that night time is for sleep. And you are also teaching them how to fall asleep on their own and although it sounds silly, this is a skill some adults I know are lacking. Falling asleep easily and sleeping through the night are incredibly important and valuable “skills” that need to be learned and will serve our kids well for their whole lives.
A child who wakes up during the night for whatever reason, is not getting the sleep that he/she needs.
Now we say goodnight, close the door and both boys are asleep in a matter of minutes and they sleep the whole night through.
CIO rocks. And “Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child” was our bible too.
Carrie
Heather says:
Check out the book Good Night Sleep Tight by Kim West (aka The Sleep Lady) I tried EVRYTHING including the cry it our matches until someone recommended this to me. Its a gentle, less stressful way for everyone , especially the Mommas! ( Why do the Daddys always manage to fall asleep while we stay up and take the heat? Typical. Sorry Mike – Just Sayin….) Good Luck!
Kendra says:
Way to persevere! My son had a sleep regression a few months ago (around 13 months old). It was the same thing, didn’t want to nap, didn’t want to sleep at night. We finally let him cry it out and it was amazing. Heart-breaking, yes, but it worked! I was afraid I’d crack, so my husband had to do most of the work. He started off at an hour/hour and a half and after just a couple of days he was back to normal. Keep it up, you can do it!
Sue says:
I’m just wondering if Annie’s screaming kept Jack & Kit awake!!LOL
Amy W says:
LOL!! This made me laugh!!!
Heather says:
HAHAHAHA! Her room is closer to our OTHER neighbor…but she was certainly loud enough that if her window was open, Jacket could have heard her!
ldoo says:
Way to be strong! That is SO hard, but worth it. Sometimes the second night is worse, cause they know what’s coming. But now you know you/she can do it.
Sigh. Not looking forward to trying to get rid of my 18 month old’s thumb sucking habit. I suspect there will be many tears.
Courtney says:
We did CIO ages ago, and I swear by it. I can put my kid in the crib wide awake and he puts himself to sleep, he STTN, he’s a very healthy, well-adjusted toddler. On the rare occasion that he does wake at night, I go in and comfort him – so those needs are still getting met. But our bed is our bed, and his bed is his, and we’re all just fine with that in my house!
cassie says:
This post made me sad. Poor Annie I could never cry it out with my kids, I would end up crying right along with them. My 2.5 year old slept with us for 18 months and then we slowly transitioned to his big boy bed with stories and singing (and a baby gate up at the door so he knew he couldn’t get out of his room) and he now sleeps just fine! But if you can handle the crying, more power to you!!
Amy K says:
We made the mistake of letting our 18-month-old sleep with us when she was sick for a few nights, and ended up with her in our bed for the next six months. Every attempt to put her back in her crib resulted in hyperventilation and projectile vomiting. When she turned two, we bought her a full-size bed, put up a safety rail and read her Elmo’s “Big Enough for a Bed” book about a million times to really build up the idea in her toddler brain. Now she’s happy to sleep in her own “big girl bed” but it’s large enough that a parent can snuggle with her comfortably on those nights when she wants company.
Lea says:
I know how hard the CIO is, but the benefits are right around the corner! Usually, the 2nd night is hardest, so just be prepared….and then if you can survive, the 3rd night you WILL see results! The way I see it is that crying it out is hell, but it’s because they’re learning something new that is out out of their comfort zone, and you are not doing it to be mean…you are teaching her how to fall asleep on her own. I never used to be a cio parent, but I finally did it when my second child was a year old because she was waking up 6 times a night and I would end up bringing her into my bed, and we were both exhausted.
Helping her to learn how to fall asleep by herself was giving her a gift – the gift of a good night’s sleep. And I didn’t do it with my co-sleeping firstborn until he was 3 years old, and it was awful. So, when she is still in a crib is perfect and so much easier. And soon, you will all be sleeping like champs!
carricomom says:
it will get better! I have been going through the same thing with my little one. You can read our sleep torture experience at dragonflyhomestead@blogspot.com . stay strong mamma and daddy too.
Glenda says:
Been there too… my daughter was a year and a half and would cryyyy. We both worked outside the home, so hubby would get her so we can get some sleep. That lasted for many years. When she got older, we’d tuck her in and about 2ish in the morning, she’d knock on our door with the “I can’t sleep” “I’m scared”. I couldn’t resist and let her cuddle. Having a big girl bed and going to big girl school didn’t work for us either. Eventually she outgrew it on her own. When hubby went out of town for work, she knew it was slumber party time (sleep with mommy) and she loved it!
Good luck to you and Mike.
You guys have a ton of patience
Lea says:
BTDT. it sucked going through it, but coming out the other side 4 days later with a kid who slept through the night?…it saved both of us.
Meghan says:
I’m so proud of you!
This will be me in the year 2013 when we finally have bedrooms again and I can make Ollie cry it out in his own room. Obviously, I am not optimistic about our timeline.
Ashley says:
Sending you a HUGE HUG!!! No matter what sleep method you use – cry it out, snuggle to sleep, hanging them upside down from the laundry line (what? You weren’t ever tempted?!) it’s hard. We had two different sleep exepriences with our kids that left me exhausted, annoyed, sad and frustrated. Two things carried me through – 1. Every habit can be broken, it’s all about resolve, time and knowing YOUR kid 2. They won’t be sleeping in your bed/crying about being in a crib/ trying to get off the clothes line (might still happen) when they are 16
Trisha says:
I got nothing for ya’ girl. Our 3 year old is still in our room and most nights creeps back in bed with us. We don’t have enough bedrooms for all 4 daughters and the older ones have them for now. She was in our room with her crib and it just stuck. We converted it to a toddler bed and she still doesn’t like it much. She goes to sleep with us and then I move her and then at some point through the night she wimpers “Mama” and I scoop her up and put her in bed with us if my rubbing her head and tellign her I’m there doesn’t put her back to sleep. Most times though, I just scoop her up. I swore it would never happen and it did so I’m powerless when it some to this topic.
Kudos to you though. Hopefully it will get better each night.
Wallydraigle says:
Blech. My older kid (almost 3) is a fantastic sleeper, but every once in a while she goes through really weird bouts of awful sleeplessness. Seriously, the ONLY way through the last one was to let her cry. Nothing, NOTHING helped. It went on for a week of us cuddling her, calming her insecurities, searching for scary shadows, fixing her warm milk before bed, lying on the floor next to her bed, camping outside her door and saying, “I’m here!” every time she screamed again, which was approximately every 20 seconds for HOURS. None of these things worked. Say what you will about CIO for infants; there does come a certain age where it is not cruel to have a child CIO. I know for a fact that my other kid (who is almost exactly Annie’s age) already knows how to fake cry and scream because she knows I’m a big softie. I don’t remember that stage with my other one, but I think that’s because I had a newborn at the time. Hang in there. She will learn, and you will all be happier for it once she does.
Wallydraigle says:
Oh, and I forgot to add: Take turns going somewhere you can’t hear her. It’s so much harder to stick with it if you’re not getting any peace yourself. And it’s much harder to be the parent you want to be the next day.
Lanie says:
It is so hard to listen to them cry – I hope tonight is better. Take care.
P.S. Impressive that Mike could fall asleep to the screaming.
Colleen says:
Just wanted to add, that when I was determined to do the CIO with my daughter, I got a fan for both of our rooms and shut both doors. My Mom called the next day to see if she had slept through the night. I said, “I don’t know, but I did!” The ironic thing is that today, she is a super heavy sleeper and can sleep through anything. She went to bed when she was tired and was never a late sleeper, always up in the early AM. I really believe that insisting that she sleep in her own room gave her lifetime good habits. Now that she’s in college, I’m sure that’s allllllllll changed
Mommy says:
If you ate too tired to read a book, try a DVD on sleep training! Sleep easy sleep solution by sleepy planet worked like a charm for us in just a few nights with very little crying. It’s sort of a modified CIO program.
I totally agree with the other posters that said that you are teaching her a valuable skill. Teaching her to fall asleep on her own is a gift!!!
Hang in there mama!! You can do it!! And so can she!!!!
xoxo
Catherine Scherer says:
Good job, Momma!
Jen says:
The willpower is strong with this one (Annabel I mean). I’m proud of you for sticking it out. The road will be long and will require much wine. Good luck my friend.
Colleen says:
will require much wine…love it!
Jenny says:
We did CIO , too. I support your endeavor. It’s not easy but it was better for our house (and yours, too, based on last night). My son is 7 now. He falls asleep like a champ. He still prefers our bed. He was a c-section baby. My theory is that he’d still prefer to be as close as possible all of the time. Right now we are snuggled on the same couch cushion. He sleeps on his own most of the time. I enjoy the snuggle times more now as I know it won’t last forever. Good luck with your beautiful Belle.
AmazingGreis says:
Is it weird that I’m singing CRY IT OUT to the tune of WALK IT OUT?
Now Cry it Out
Now Cry it Out
Now Cry it Out
West Side Cry it Out
South Side Cry it Out
You’re singing it now too, right? You’re welcome!
Janet says:
I just wanna chime in that I’m all for CIO, even for itty bitty baby’s!
Why because I’m one of the few who got their little baby’s sleep schedule on tract and had all night sleep from 8wks and on and had the easiest little person(you could mess with his schedule every now and again w/out trouble) of the 3 total kiddo’s. The last one was the only one I did it with and I wish I had with the first 2 too!!!
Lia McIntosh says:
Heather you are so brave. I was never that brave with CIO so my daughter slept in a bed beside my bed until she was 6. Yes you heard that right 6. Be consistant you have come this far the next night will be easier.
tierney says:
So sorry to hear about your lack of sleep– as a nanny I’ve been there before! Adam Mansbach wrote a book for parents in your situation, and I also believe you can catch the audio version read by Samuel L. Jackson (with the original illustrations!). It’s called “Go the F*ck to Sleep!” …check it out- hopefully you’ll get a few good laughs in to keep you sane through the next couple nights!
Mama Kat says:
You ARE a warrior!! My God I would have given up forever ago…Pat’s the stronger one in this household. SO glad you stuck it out!! She’ll come around.
edenland says:
That punch was for our mate Bea.
Good ON YOU HEATHER. I’m so proud. You did the right thing 100% … not that you needed my opinion or fricking approval.
XO
Sherri says:
My middle dd was the worst.sleeper.ever! OMG…up all night every night for 10 months. Every 15 minutes….over and over. I didn’t know what to do or how to do it. My first slept through the night at 8 weeks…what WAS this?
Finally, once we figured out the colic, and the lactose issues, and knew her ears were fine I plopped her in the playroom…furthest room from ours and her sister, closed the door, turned off the monitor and went to bed.
I don’t know how long she cried. Really…no idea. I went to bed. It was her or me…her crying TO sleep or me crying FOR sleep!!
Leigh Elliott says:
been there and it SUCKS!!!!! We also let our daughter get into bed with us one night and it turned into a 6 month slumber party. Only there was nothing “party” about it!
TracyKM says:
I can’t take the time to read all the comments, but have you tried “The No Cry Sleep Solution” by Elizabeth Panthley? There ARE alternatives; ways to “teach” your child to sleep without having to co-sleep.
My feeling is that I don’t even go to sleep easily, why should I expect my toddler to go to bed when I think she should? And once they start crying, HOW is that going to help them get to sleep? No one can fall asleep while screaming, so what’s the point of getting to that distress level? I trust that my kids are still operating by their primal instincts–when they are hungry, when they need sleep, when they need connection, etc. If my child won’t go to sleep, there’s a reason. And screaming for an hour doesn’t MAKE them go to sleep.
My oldest and youngest have a hard time falling asleep, like me. I respect their natural cycle and HELP them wind down, not let them get even more wound up on purpose.
Tracy says:
My daughter is about 3 weeks younger than Annie. One of the many reasons that I love reading your blog is that I can check off milestones with you guys…Admittedly, my Audrey has NEVER been a good sleeper, but we are going through the same thing right now (we did not move) and I finally have started to stick with the CIO method, as much as I hate it. We have literally had to sleep train sister every 3 weeks since she was like 6 months old. AARRGGHHH. Like you, at times, I am impressed with her resolve…49+ minutes. And at other times, I am out of my mind wondering why she just won’t sleep.
hdj says:
Yea, this was rough. Our daughter got sick and I made the mistake of not going into the guest room, but to our room. After that, she would go to sleep in her crib, but she had this 6th sense and within 30 minutes (or less) of us going to bed, she would wake up and cry to come to our bed. This lasted for a year. My husband was cool w/it because we only have one and he liked having her with us. That’s because in our giant king size bed, he had his half of the bed and I was the one sharing with the kiddo. Does not make for a good nights’ sleep.
Finally after a year (and her being well beyond 2) we tried CIO. That sucked hard for like 2 days and then we realized she’d been sleeping in a bed for a year so why would she want to be in a crib? Since she already had a bed, we bought a guard rail and went that route. That ended up being the answer for us.
I know for some people though, the little ones see this as a new game and want to constantly get out of the bed. We were lucky and didn’t have this issue, but we hyped it up like a huge big super neat-o “big girl” thing.
mccgoods says:
Even after reading most of the 96 comments and even though I am not a mother of any children (well two angels) but anyway I still feel the need to comment.
First I love the p.j.’s they cracked me up. 2nd Wow you have incredible strength and 3rd when I read this to my husband I said something to the fact that “see even this part of having kids seems appealing right now” I probably just jinxed us and if we ever do have a child he/she will cry until morning.
Caroline says:
When we did CIO our little one cried LONGER each night. As if to say, “oh so you thought an hour was bad? Well try this, bitches!!!!”. The longest night was the 3rd, for an hour and 45. It waa horrible, but we did it! Not a peep out of her after 3 nights of CIO and that was 3 years ago. Keep up the hard work;)