Yesterday was the day my mother and I decided to take Annabel to see the Easter Bunny. Annie was totally chill with Santa a few months ago. Of course, since then she’s learned to walk and her tendencies towards violence when she doesn’t get her way have gotten stronger, so really, we didn’t know what to expect.

On the drive to the mall, Annie took a nap, so she was nice and rested. When we arrived, she refused her stroller. Like straight-up tantrum style, all, “I can walk jeeeeez!” So we left the stroller in the car because I’m not going to be mentally prepared for my daughter to scream at me in a mall parking lot for another thirteen years.

It was your typical Easter Bunny photo op setup in your average shopping mall. For for visual purposes, I drew you a rad picture:


That is the best bunny I’ve ever drawn. I’m seriously proud. Except I forgot its cotton tail! Damn.

When we strolled up to the area the bunny was in, we took a direct approach.


The bunny came over (who, by the way, looked like last year’s bunny, but with a hair bow (grrrl power!)) and started waving to Annie. My mom and I were like, “ANNIE! LOOKIT THE BUNNY! SO SOFT! LOOOOOKIIIIIIIIT!” We were amped up.

Annie was not amped up, and refused to let me put her down.

My mom and I took her to one end of the mall until she was comfortable walking around again. For attempt number two, we took a more circuitous approach:


I kept saying, “Oh, pretty flowers. Eggs! Pretty leaves!” while she ran around touching and pulling on everything, looking for structural weaknesses in the Easter Bunny’s lair.

I grabbed her hand and walked her to the entrance of the Bunny’s lair. She looked at the little kids, then turned and looked up at me with extreme horror and screeched “UUUUUUPPPP!” until I lifted her onto my hip.

Things were starting to look doubtful. My mom thought it would be a good idea to rent one of those race car mall stroller doodads. It was the right move.


We pushed her all over the mall while she spun the steering wheel. She was so into the steering wheel that she didn’t realize we were making attempt number three:


This time, I had managed to catch her attention with the overpriced kid-distracting toys. Also, my mom had her video camera out. What you are about to see is what happened next.

Strike three, and we were out. As I carried her away from the Bunny, she looked back, said “buh bye,” and waved.

She’s already messing with me.