I had a rare moment (you know, in the bathroom with the door locked) where I managed to sneak a little quality reading time with my favorite tome, Us Weekly. They have a section where a celebrity tells “25 things we don’t know” about them. You guys, how have I lived my whole life without knowing that Alison Sweeney only has three keys on her key chain? I mean, this is earth-shattering stuff.
Then I started looking at my idea list for blogs posts, and it basically read like a 25 things list. I’ve already written ten dorky facts about me, so what the hell, here’s ten more.
1) Topiary animals scare the crap out of me. Yes, it’s because of The Shining (the book, not the movie). Plants are not supposed to look like animals! My first apartment after college required me to drive by a crazy house that had five or six topiary animals right out front. I would often get stopped at the light by the house, and I SWEAR to GOD the animals would stare at me. I refused to drive by the house at night. (If you lived in Hermosa Beach, you know the house I’m talking about.)
2) Feet. Are. Disgusting. Specifically the bottoms of feet (baby feet are exempt). I cannot stand to see the soles of a person’s bare feet. Just writing that makes me gag. The root of my foot phobia can be traced back to junior high school.
3) I am afraid to order take-out food over the phone. I know this is irrational. But every time I place an order over the phone, it’s messed up. And it almost always has to do with Mike’s food. They forget his order, make a weird substitution, etc. Here in LA we have an online ordering system for a lot of restaurants, and this has saved me. But if it has to be placed over the phone? Mike does it.
4) I talk in my sleep. Not mumbles, but full-on conversations. I’ve done this my whole life. When I was a kid, my parents would constantly go into my room in the middle of the night, convinced there had to be someone in there with me. My friends and college roommates delighted in having conversations with me when I was unconscious. Mike HATES IT. I have no memory of it, ever.
5) I’m just gonna say it loud – I love me some Britney Spears. I’ve worked in the music industry, specifically with singer/songwriters and jazz musicians, so I’m “not supposed” to like a pop machine like her. But damn it, I just can’t quit Brit Brit! I even dressed as her for Halloween one year, and convinced Mike to join me:
6) When I’m traveling, the first thing I do when I get to a hotel room is unpack. Even if I’m only staying one night. This is the exact opposite of what I do when I get home from traveling. I’m pretty sure there is a suitcase in my closet with stuff from my Mexico trip last summer.
7) I carry a list of potential list of songs for karaoke on my person at all times. You never know when a sing-off could pop up. One must always be prepared.
8 ) I suffer from horrible motion sickness. I always had to sit in the front seat or window seat as a kid (and I still need to, most of the time). My brother Kyle is still bitter about this, 16 years later.
9) Don’t fall asleep before me unless you are prepared for the consequences.
I sent this picture out over twitter. Hey, I should put it on Facebook!
10) I am really short, and pants are always too long on me:
Everyone always seems surprised when I say I’m short. I think it’s because I have good posture, thanks to years of piano teachers smacking my back. “SIT UP STRAIGHT!”
10.5) I’m scared of piano teachers.
Who knew Federline could look so likable?!
Also, the feet, yes. The sound they make when the rough stuff slides against carpet. Shudder.
I too, am short. I’m 5’3″ with VERY short legs. How short? In order to purchase a pair of pants that don’t have to be altered, I have to buy what other people call capris (for real). On me they fit like normal below-the ankle pants.
I HAVE TO DO THAT TOO!! HA I almost put that in the post but I kept it out because it sounded so sad. But now I feel better about it!
Lynn from For Love or Funny says:
I’m scared of knitting teachers…
You are very funny!
Annie from Oregon says:
You cracked me up with this whole post!! And the ambush..hahahaha. I love your send of fun and humor.
I also am short – just 5 feet. Manufacturers don’t do petite, as in proportioned…they do short, as in the pants crotch is at the knee and the calf at the ankle! And forget boot-cut, bell-bottom, or zippers. Snip! Gone! Long sleeved tops? who needs gloves? But my sleeves might not drag through my ketchup if the shoulder seam wasn’t just above my elbow!! Fun, isn’t it? My Grandma used to tell me: “I’d rather be short and squatty, than all legs and no body”. (It didn’t help much. LOL) sorry. soapbox =o)
Ha I can relate to the shortness- I’m only 5’0″. every pair of pants usually gets taken up about a foot. Literally.
I also refuse to order food over the phone. I don’t even like ordering at drive-thrus unless I can just say “number one, diet coke, thank you, bye.” I won’t even call for a pizza from the place that keeps our info attached to our phone number so you barely even have to TALK to them because I’m so nervous about messing it up.
I am the same way with ordering food over the phone, the always get it wrong and it is usually my part of the order. Although, the same thing happens to me when I order face to face at a restaurant too!
I love karaoke but I always have trouble thinking of a song. Clearly I need to steal your song list idea! One time I made my boyfriend sing Love Shack with me, except it turns out he didn’t know the words or the tune, and it was horrible! Who doesn’t know Love Shack?!?! It was a rough spot in our relationship. haha
Emily E says:
I have nothing significant to say except thank you for making me chuckle this morning.
There is NO SHAME in loving Britney. Or at least there better not be, because I have none!
Amélie Ingels says:
Love this post. I can totally relate in points 2, 4, 10, 10,5
C @ Kid Things says:
When I was little, I’d sometimes like to lay in bed with my mom. She’d fall asleep while I’d watch her TV. Once, though, while asleep she said clear as day, “I’m going to go up there, kill that horse, and have it for supper”. Ever since, I was never so fond of sharing a bed with her.
This made me literally LOL. Like, continuously.
Britney rules! Love her! I’m short too and pants ALWAYS fit me long. Boo. I HATE The Shining (the movie) and started to feel like him with this weather we’re having in Texas!
5’3″ is really short? Aw man, I’m short! I can’t believe my husband didn’t tell me I’m short. Maybe that’s because he’s 5’6″ on a good day.
Oh well, I guess I’m short. Guess I’ll have to try that Capri trick & see if they fit like regular pants
Very funny! Love the picture of Mike (& Rigby).
This post made me crack up!! I’m not a huge fan of gross feet either, they make me naush.
BTW you and Mike look GREAT in that Brittany photo!!!
Whenever I get any sort of take out for my husband it’s wrong. Every. Single. Time. I don’t get it. He thinks I’m out to get him. I think it’s the universe telling him to go on a diet.
Haha, I love these! And I gotta say, you make a hotter Britney Spears than Britney Spears does!
HA! love the list.. I totally talk in my sleep. Im like clock work, give me 15 minutes and I start talking away! Evidently, I’m usually pretty mad in my talking too, but I never remember anything!
I hate to order food over the phone too. They ALWAYS mess it up. If I can’t order it online (which is pretty easy in NYC. hah) I won’t order from the restaurant.
I too get horrible motion sickness. NOTHING helps.. it sucks
The 25 things section in US Weekly is like crack to me. Even if I don’t care about the celeb, I HAVE to read it.
I’m the same way as you when it comes to ordering food over the phone and always come up with some excuse so my husband will do it. And that Halloween pic of you and Mike is AWESOME.
I can related to the whole pants issue (5’1…and a half. That half inch counts, darn it). I have a hard time believing anyone under 5’6 could fit the jeans I try on without some alterations. Seriously.
And I wear Capri pants as normal pants sometimes, as well.
My mom hates feet, too. She can’t even watch movies where someone’s getting a foot massage, or if someone asks her to rub their feet.
And yet she loves Tarantino films, and that man is REALLY into feet.
Love the critters, much better than magic marker or a shaved eyebrow *g*.
Taryn (t_d_duker) says:
Oh my god….I love, love, love that you carry a karaoke list at all times. I lived in Japan for almost 3 years and got hooked…hooked bad, man. I wish I had been known by a name as flattering as Karaoke Kween – but alas, I was just the Karaoke Whore. Seriously. It’s a little different in Japan because you rent a room based on the size of the group – so it’s just you and your friends. (and most places have an all-you-can-drink/karaoke deal)
True story: one time I wanted to go so badly after a dinner out with friends. Nobody else wanted to go. I sulked all evening and drank. After we parted ways I was walking (staggering) back to my apt, right past the 24 hour karaoke boxes….and yep, went in alone and rented a room for myself. I’m sure the people there still talk about the crazy foreigner who came alone. It was awesome though – tested out new songs for my repertoire, praticed my introductions for songs. Sad but true.
When I win the lottery and open my Japanese style karaoke boxes in NS, I will invite you to the grand opening.
Feet are REPULSIVE. Nuff said.
I still shudder thinking about my grandpa’s feet. They are leather and have been my entire life. He claims they’re like that because he used to run track (in the ’40s) barefoot because his family couldn’t afford shoes. And he clocked a sub-5 minute mile, so that’s pretty good for no shoes!
Also, I talk in my sleep all the time. When I have to share hotel rooms with co-workers they always remark on it. It makes me embarrassed because you never know what I’m going to say.
My husband, on the other hand, sleeps with his eyes open. This freaks people out even more…
We’re quite the duo.
My husband talks in his sleep. I used to just listen to him and laugh, but now I continue talking to him to see how long he’ll keep talking. I keep a notebook in my night stand and write down the conversation so I can tease him about it later He once told me to call him Mr. Coffee.
Rumour Miller says:
I too talk in my sleep. I have improved in this regard and do not do it near as often as I once did. I have a daughter who appears to be following in my footsteps!
The thing about keeping a list on hand of good karaoke songs made me laugh. You are one serious karaoke star!
We must have the same legs. That’s exactly what all my pants look like. Have you figured out an answer to the jeans problem? Hemming just doesn’t work as well with jeans.
The take out ordering…every time my husband orders or picks up, it gets screwed up..EVERY.TIME…
I’ll have to tell him he’s not alone!
Mama Fuss says:
Oh, I HATE ordering food over the phone. And it’s not about them screwing up, I think I just hate talking to strangers. I recently discovered that a couple of restaurants around here have online ordering for carryout and I LOVE it. I always make my husband call orders in if he’s around to do so.
I loved Britney in the beginning, and I still like a lot of her music (not all of it, but some) but I can’t read articles about her anymore, it saddens me too much. But I think she’s gorgeous and I think your Halloween costume is hysterical.
You are so funny! I’d never think you were short. Very great posture
Love love the picture of you and Mike and the Brit and Kev!
Thanks for sharing… made me smile and by the way, I enjoy reading the “25 things”
zomg!!! you as mrs. federline and mike as kevin!!! amazing!
i too am short, thankfully they now make -short, regular, long. i get my size in short and they’ve worked out ok so far. old navy has them. oh and so does charlotte russe
also, the picture of mike sleeping. it’s kinda like where’s waldo of mike. hahaha
Kristin (MamaKK922) says:
I too talk in my sleep. And it creeps people out. But mine is mostly incoherent babbly sentences if it makes sense. Things like Turn The Stereo off it’s so loud. And let’s go get Mexican food. But I have had conversations with people I do not remember at all while totally asleep they have gotten me in tons of trouble. My husband thinks he will find out all my deep dark secrets from my sleep talking. But being as I barely sleep not gonna happen.
Love the Halloween costume perfect down to the bare feet.
And Topiary animals freak me out as do corn fields and where I live you can go by them for miles I freak out waiting for the children of the corn.
This is so awesome! I love your 10 things and the photos are classic! The one with Mike on the couch made me crack up! It too me a second to even see him in there! Thanks for the mid morning giggle~!
ROTFL over the Mike with all those stuffed animals with the dog on top. Gonna have to remember that one.
michelle in MO says:
LoL@Mike with the animals all over him. LMAO@ Rigby playing E.T. in said photo and me not noticing him first.
Me too on the motion sickness. My brother is still (still!!) convinced I made it up all those years so I could sit in the front seat. Unfortunately, I seem to have passed it on to my daughter
I much prefer online ordering, making appointments, etc.
You and Mike both look pretty tall…..ME? I’m only 5 foot tall and my husband claims to be 5 foot 8….but I think he’s more 5 foot five.
Expat Mom says:
Ok, I have the solution for shortness (though not for the pants issue, which I deal with ALL THE TIME) . . . move to a third world country. Seriously, I’m 5’3″ and my first boyfriend gave me a crick in the neck because I always had to crank my head back to talk to him. Then I moved to Guatemala and poof! I’m tall here! There are women my age who come up to my shoulder! I just avoid the tourists and it’s all good.
Since you brought up the topic of scary topiary, I couldn’t help but put in a plug for the book “The Children of Green Knowe.” It is a childhood classic and would be great to read to Annie in a few years.
What does a girl have to do to find a decent fitting pair of jeans? I am petite but also curvy, it’s had to find one’s I can breathe in without tripping over hems.
I am also afraid of ordering take-out food over the phone!
Rigby’s face in that picture..priceless.
Oh man you should go get that Mexico suitcase out of the closet and smell it. It will smell like vacation heaven and make you happy and sad all at the same time. Although…it is warm where you live, so it might not have as extreme a reaction as it did to us in the middle of a blizzard last winter.
michelle S says:
OMG Feet are my biggest phobia….I hate to touch or really even look at them but it’s like an accident I always have to look at people’s feet at least for a second. It took me years to even get a pedicure.
I do love baby feet and kiss them whenever I get a chance but now my oldest is 7 and I just can’t rub them. My 3 year old is on the cusp of not being touchable.
I think #s 2 and 10 are related. You don’t like feet, so pants fit you over your feet, and then you don’t see them.
I love how Rigby is one of the animals in #9, and I didn’t notice her at first.
According to my parents, I sit up really straight and I always have, even though I feel like I slouch. But, I’m kinda scared of piano teachers, anyway. I didn’t like the one my parents made me have.
Heather! I too suffer from horrible motion sickness!! I sometimes get sick in elevators. I mean, who does that?? I have found that dramamine is pretty good, but the motion sickness patch?? OMG that is the most amazing product ever invented. You won’t believe this, because I still don’t, but I went on a road trip and sat in the BACK and READ a book!!!!!! THAT is how awesome they are.
I have the grossest toe! It started off being slightly ingrown and me trying to cut out the piece of stubborn nail (I hate bothering doctors) and it becoming rapidly infected and swollen. Every day it bleeds and pusses. Now I’m on antibiotics for 2 weeks and I have to salt bath and wrap it. All because I didnt get it seen to.
I’m also 5’3 but my legs aren’t that short, which means my torso is. And with E cup boobs, it’s just not ideal. :<
You are my favourite blogger heather.
I’m totally with you on Nos. 4, 6 & 8.
My poor husband gets woken up at least once a week to turn the light on or some other gibberish. I have a slight recollection of it the next morning and am always like, “whoops, sorrrrrrry!”
One morning as a teenager I went downstairs and my mother asked me a question about the night before.
Me: Blank stare.
Her: Don’t tell me you don’t remember!? I had a conversation with you!
Me: Nope, sorry. No idea.
I really thought I was the only one!
Unpacking and putting our clothing away is the FIRST thing I do when we travel.
Unpacking and putting our clothing away is the thing I NEVER do once we get home.
I truly have bags that are still partially packed from last summer. So embarrassing.
Bobbi Janay says:
I love the face Rigby is making while laying on Mike.
And bet you’re not as short as meeee! <– Said in sing-songey voice, of course.
Read your post this morning, went to a very full yoga class this afternoon. I came up from a plank thing to find someone’s feet directly in my face – maybe an inch to spare?!? I had to hold in the gag! Clearly, I immediately thought of your phobia – it’s all so clear now!
I forgot the most important part!
Nose bleeds. I am deathly afraid of nosebleeds. Haven’t had one in years but I got them a lot when I was a kid – as soon as I did I would promptly refuse to do whatever I’d been doing at the time ever again.
dysfunctional mom says:
I HATE feet. So much so, that I’m not clicking your link, for fear it will make me vomit.
I’m short too and your pants look just like mine. It’s so frustrating, because if I get petite length, they’re shorter than I like. But ‘regular’ length jeans are miles too long! WTHeck?
Love this post!
#2 – COMPLETELY agree, feet….eww! Pedicures should be mandatory!
#4 – I think I have talked in my sleep since I came out of the womb. It’s entertaining for my husband, we carry complete conversations!
#6 – Love to pack for vacations, hate unpacking!!
#10 – 5’2″, most pants 4″ too long. Just learned how to hem. Whoo. Hoo. Send your pants my way & i’ll hem em!
Allison Zapata says:
OMFG, Heather. That stuffed animal picture. OMFG. HAHAHAHA!! Also, you are me.
I HATE FEET TOO!
Especially BABY FEET. Disgusting. Nothing creeps me out more than when people pretend to eat a baby’s feet or hold/play with a baby’s foot. I think it’s because baby feet are chubby, and I associate chub with sweaty-ness, odor and disgusting-ness. That, and their toenails don’t look right to me.
Mouthing a baby’s feet — for me, that’s in the same class as touching pee or poo. You just don’t do it and it’s something I avoid it at all costs!!
I won’t touch human feet of any kind (animal feet are okay — I think it’s because they’re not really feet; they’re paws.) Including my own (though I make weekly trips for pedicures, so they stay pretty). Even my own child’s feet. Won’t touch them. That’s what daddy is there for!
And — ugh — if I’m touched by a foot?!?!? I totally freak out too! I totally get you on this one, Heather! *LOL*
You know what else creeps me out — also along the same line — DIRTY LAUNDRY.
Scares the hell out of me. Makes me scream. Especially socks. Gaaaaah!!! *shudders* I can’t even think about socks without getting the heebie jeebies.
I literally wear gloves to do the laundry.
Kristy H says:
Oh, I am SO agreeing with you on #2!! I HATE feet, they make me gag, and I too think the bottoms are the worst, lol!
And theres like a cutoff age, baby feet are precious, I kissed and loved both my babies feet, then they turned 4 and they didn’t look like cute little baby feet anymore. Of course, I love everything about my kiddies, but I let Hubby take care of the foot problems if I can!
I also hate watching movies where you have to look at the actors/actresses feet, it disgusts me, I know I’m wierd, but I really don’t want to see that!
Oh, coming back to say how could I have possibly forgotten to agree with you – I HATE FEET TOO. Hatey hate HATE NASTY FEET.
UGH. If we could all just walk around with stump legs and no feet, I’d be one happy camper. ‘Course I’d miss my painted toenails, but really, I could move past that if it meant seeing no more feet ever again for the rest of my days.
Mary Ann says:
I hate feet too – they are sooooooooo gross, and toenails – barf.
I talk in my sleep too, sometimes I wake everyone in the house up including myself .
I am short – when my kindergartener’s come back to visit they are sometimes almost as tall as me.
I hate driving over long bridges.
I love babies, photography, the beach, and reading great blogs like this one.
#8 — me too! However, sitting in the front isn’t always an option for me & I’ve recently discovered that in some cars, sitting in the back doesn’t make me feel sick. I mentioned it to someone while in their car & they said they have the same problem, but the reason I wasn’t feeling sick in their car is because the design of the car allowed me to see out the front windshield. I guess if you can see out the front windshield, you’re less likely to feel/get car sick! Of course now whenever I have to sit in the back of a car, I lean as far over into the middle as I can. But it does help, for me.
(And my brother is also still mad at me over constant dibs on the front seat …)
Leigh Elliott says:
OMG – seriously??? Alison Sweeney only has THREE KEYS on her key chain!!!!???? Hold on. I need to get myself under control – this earth shattering fact has rocked my world.
Love your 10 more dorky things.
Esp. the last one – about pants – that is EXACTLY how I look in pants off the rack! They all have to be hemmed. If I can find capri’s they usually end up being the perfect length on me for “pants”.
You’re like me, we’re energetic so people don’t realize how short we are.
And yes, agreed! I buy capris or ankle length pants and they fit perfectly!
I’m a little late to this post….but I had to share this. My brother hates HATES karaoke (I do, too), but every once in a while a hot girl will talk him into it. He says that he always picks the song “Tequila.” Cracks me up every time I think about it…
on the motion sickness note–
saw you are currently in NYC.
i do NOT do well in cabs, and i’m guessing you’re the same way.
get some ginger chews/candied ginger! eat one before your next cab ride. worked wonders for me in chicago.
don’t taste great, but you’ll feel so much better.
find em @ drugstores/grocery/natural foods stores
I had to laugh at your comment about karaoke. My best friend and I went to karaoke all the time. So much so, that we took the little pieces of paper they give you, filled them out and got them laminated. That way we not only could carry them everywhere, but if something spilled on them they wouldn’t be ruined!!
Britney forever, INDEED! =D I LOVE BRITNEY!
And that photo of Mike with Rigby, and stuffed animals all over him is AWESOME! P
Feet are TOTALLY gross. Except the feet on my 3 1/2 year old. They’re still delicious.
If L.A. has on-line food ordering, I’m moving there.