The week before I got sick I went to a house party. When I walked in and saw my friend Rebecca, we both burst out laughing. We were were dressed almost identically. We both had on black and white striped maxi dresses that were cut the same. She’d almost worn a jean jacket, and I’d originally had on the same pair of shoes she was wearing. Our friend Jessica noticed the zebra photo on the wall behind us, and a photo was born:

Bec and Me, twinsies
yeah, Bec’s eyes are closed, but she thought that made the picture better.

After we posed, the three of us decided to mingle a bit (aka, find the food) so we headed toward the kitchen. As we left the room a girl we didn’t know stopped us and said, “Your picture was so cute, with the zebra and the matching dresses and the bellies!”

Uhhhhhhm what?

Rebecca was nineteen weeks pregnant at the time of the picture. WITH TWINS. I am not pregnant, and on a normal day I do have a bit of a jiggle in the middle thanks to two pregnancies, but this was not a normal day – I WAS WEARING SPANX.

Jessica and Rebecca both audibly gasped. I smiled and said, “Thanks! I’m not pregnant, but she is!” I just kept walking.

When we reached the kitchen Bec and Jessica started apologizing to me, as if they were the ones who’d somehow done something wrong. They repeated assured me I didn’t look pregnant. I think Jessica might have threatened to punch the girl in the face, I’m not sure, I wouldn’t put it past her.

Honestly? It didn’t bother me. It could be because I’ve been asked so many crazy questions in the past that I just brush them off. Maybe I give off some sort of hormone or something that rude people are attracted to. I should have that checked out.

I’m pretty sure I will be asked again at some point if I’m pregnant when I’m not. Yeah, maybe I should do some core exercises. I never know what to say in these awkward situations. In this case, it was a girl in her early twenties and I didn’t want to make her feel bad.

Can we all just solemnly swear to never ask a stranger if she’s pregnant unless we can see the baby emerging from her vagina?