Dear Santa,

Madeline asked me to write you this letter on account that she isn’t good at typing because of her effed up thumbs – and, between you and me, she’s crap at spelling. Anyway, she has a lot of things she’d like this year, so I’ll turn the rest of this letter over to her. ~Heather

Hi Santa!!! It’s me, Maddie! I’m trusting that my mom is typing everything I say word for word and not interjecting her “opinions” every other sentence. See! Just now she told me that I used air quotes wrong. What does she expect? I’m just a baby.

So, Santa, last year I didn’t really ask you for anything on account that I was mondo sick in the hospital. I kind of feel like maybe you owe me. Last year I just wanted to get that itchy tube out of my nose! Funny, I got that tube out and now it’s back. So Santa, the first thing I would like this year is for my oxygen tube to go away. Can you arrange that for me? Because DUDE Santa, it’s really annoying.

Next, I was hoping that maybe you could tell me who this Elmo person is. My mommy and daddy are always talking about how evil Elmo is, but my cousins say that Elmo is awesome! I watched my cousin Spencer go completely ape crazy once when Elmo came to our dinner. Maybe you could, I dunno, bring me an Elmo toy or something? I have to intervene here, Santa. We live in an Elmo-free environment, and if you bring any Elmo toys into our house, they will be left in the fireplace. Thanks! ~H

And on a similar note, who is Hannah Montana? Was she in the NICU bed next to me?

Oh, Rigby wanted me to ask you for bones and treats. She also hopes that you can make sure she catches a squirrel this year. But Santa? Please don’t let her catch a squirrel! It would beat her up!

I’m trying to get this whole standing/walking thing down. It’s pretty freaking hard! I am afraid of falling on my bottom. My mommy says that if I had a bottom like hers, falling wouldn’t hurt. I’m not really sure what that means, but it gave me an idea: Santa, can you bring me padded pants? That would be swell.

Santa, I know I’m a pretty lucky little kid. Sure, my lungs are junky, but they work well enough. My mommy says I need to gain some weight, but I have small bones! I have a family that loves me and lots and lots of friends all over the world. I know that someday, I’ll be big enough and strong enough to go meet all my friends, and we’ll play all day and night.

So Santa, if you can’t get me the other things, my biggest wish this Christmas is that you don’t forget all the little boys and girls in NICUs and PICUs and hospitals all over the world. It’s hard to be in the hospital on Christmas. It’s also hard on the families of those little boys and girls. Don’t forget them, either. Oh, and the nurses and doctors that work on the holidays! My mommy says they are the REAL angels.

Of course Santa, if you can handle all those things and you still have a little bit of room on your sleigh, I would also like a diamond encrusted watch, a macro lens for a Canon body, a spa gift card, a shootsac, a Dyson vacuum cleaner, and floor tickets to see Britney Spears in concert. Wait a minute! MOMMY! That’s what YOU want for Christmas!

Anyway Santa, I think you get the gist of what I’m asking for. I’m really looking forward to my first Christmas at home. I promise the cookies I leave out for you won’t be cooked by my mommy.