I don’t want to share my food.
I get tired of educational TV. I want control of the remote again.
I sometimes let Annie play with my cell phone so I can get more sleep in the mornings.
I dream about what I would do if I got an hour free (maybe a pedicure…or a nap…or I could read a book!).
I clearly focus on myself more than I should. I don’t always do a good job of putting “her” instead of “me.” I’m frustrated with myself and a bit burned out and overwhelmed. I am making a lot of mistakes.
But then I look at her, taking her dancing so seriously,
and I think,
“At least I’m doing something right.”
Krystal says:
Girlfriend, I think you’re doing a lot of something right!
Jenn says:
AAhhh Mama – No worries, you’re doing a lot of things RIGHT!!
Annie is a Healthy, Happy, Thriving little girl who is obviously so loved.
Just remember, putting yourself 1st at times is NOT selfish Heather, it’s an Necessity!!
Sending you a warm hug, endless support & friendship.
Audra says:
Look at those little legs! You’re definitely doing something right! I’m feeling the same way and I’m reading a book called “Raising Happiness” that talks about the importance of making sure you take care of yourself and do things that you want to because happy mama=happy child. It helps, it really does.
karen says:
Well I’m going to buck the trend. I think you ARE doing something wrong.
I think you are not having enough YOU time. Your head is still dealing with a lot, and you’ve moved. How often do you and Mike go out and sit in a little cafe and just talk? How often do you go out and have a coffee with your firends without the kids? You sound like you’re just getting a lost in Momhood and you ARE more than just a Mom.
Take a break, get out of the house, do something different, do not take Annie, see yourself in a different light.
Oh and it isnt a critisism…. I’m no better! I’m either in work or with the kids, I dont go out, I wear joggers all weekend (and no bra!) and rarely get out with my husband. Its experience telling you we all need to feel more than just a Mom!
Teki says:
Complete agree! Three little words for you Miss Heather- MOTHERS DAY OUT. She gets some kid time without you, you get girl time without her. Win-win!
Colleen says:
Agreed, see below!
Glenda says:
Agree! mom & dad day out… you guys need a “date” or maybe you need a mani/pedi… breath…alone… even if for an hour… it’ll do you good. Happy mommy = happy child.
Amy says:
Also agree. Was my first thought after reading this post. You are doing great but perhaps neglecting YOU a bit. Call Gramma and Grampa and ask them to take Annie? I am sure you would not have to twist their arm very hard! Take an hour or two out to do something for you.. And a weekly date night with Mike for sure. So easy to make the kids our one and only focus but we are people (and a couple) TOO!!
Lisa says:
I once felt like you feel… And then in a flash it was over. Five babies all grown up in the blink of an eye. I say dwell in it, relish it, get tired of it, lather, rinse, repeat… But don’t miss a minute of it. I now have lots of time for me and guess what? I love nothing more than to spend it with those same babies, now grown up, who once absorbed every minute of my day. And when they tell stories about those days, it makes my heart glad to hear that I play a starring role in their happiest memories.
You’re doing it all right. All of it.
susanmig says:
you took the words right out of my mouth. my two are 17 and just-turned-yesterday-15, and it truly has been in the blink of an eye. i wouldn’t trade a second of being a stay-at-home mom….even now that they have been in school for a million years and involved in so many mind-reeling activities my full-time job is just keeping track of where they need to be and signing release forms so they can attend functions; i have flashbacks of their chubby bodies in the tub…or sweet, sleepy heads bobbing to stay awake “just a little longer”…these days they outlast us some nights!
soak it in…you can’t go wrong when you are actually pondering whether you are doing it right. look at that baby girl and her happy, smiling face. that’s all the answer you need.
Glenda says:
i totally agree with lisa and susan… i remember those days too. i used to tell hubby… where’s us? because it was all about my son and daughter… and they do grow up quick and then you sit and look at them and wonder why did the time go by so fast. we too sit and chat and laugh at the mundane things…and all the memories make me realize i did a lot right! don’t beat yourself up too bad. annie looks very, very happy, but yes you and mike need alone time to.
ClassyFabSarah says:
Oh my gosh, those photos are absolutely priceless!
Ashley Tinius says:
Heather, thanks for your honesty. I feel the exact same way. When we become moms, everybody makes you feel like you should give up everything for your kid: time to yourself, hobbies you used to enjoy, the last bite of whatever….and do it with a smile, do it gladly. I….don’t. After 3 kids, I’m still not there. I still scream in my mind daily, “What about ME?!” I love my kids, but, well, I love myself, too. Anyways, good to know I’m not the only one. Good to know I’m not the only one that’s not “perfect.” Whatever that is.
Sue says:
You are doing sooooooo much right, Heather, but, for sure, you need time for yourself. Go shopping,,,,,all alone,,,,buy yourself some nice things, and be in the dressing room ALL BY YOURSELF! You have to make this a habit! Do it often! When Mike comes home, and you’ve had dinner, can you take off by yourself for an hour or so? It does a world of good. My husband and I care for our severely mentally & physically handicapped adult son 24/7, but I remember to take care of my own needs, too. It is an absolute must!
Kim says:
Please don’t feel alone! I feel very much the same way on a daily basis. Funny thing is, when I do get some time “off”, I find myself missing her?! Annie is adorable, she has the most amazing head of curls!!!!!
Shan says:
You are absoulutely doing a lot of something right. I think every mother has doubts ALOT. I know I do constantly. Don’t dwell on them. Look at her smiling face. She is thriving. Oh hell yes you are definitely doing something right!
Editdebs says:
You are certainly doing many, many things correctly. But you also need to take enough time for you–otherwise you can’t do the best mom job. You deserve time, and that beautiful child deserves a well-rested, happy mom! I just love you guys so much, which seems so weird considering I’ve never met you. But I really want to thank you so much for sharing your lives with us.
Sarah says:
Dude, Annie is doing just fine. So much better than fine. And who says our days should be completely tailored around our kids? Obvs it’s give and take, but as a general rule, my child fits in around me, I don’t change everything to revolve around her. So we watch some kids TV, and we watch some me TV (Gleeeeee!). I play with her, then I get on with my tasks (cleaning, cooking, coughcheckingFacebookcough) and she plays independently. I think it’s good for her not to be totally dependent on me for entertainment, and lord knows I need a break now and then.
You are amazing. And dealing with so much, still, every day.
Be kind to yourself.
Lisa says:
Definitely doing something right
I love how just when things seem so frustrating, so annoying, and you just want to be alone for 5 minutes, the kiddos always seem to bust out something completely adorable to remind us that life is good, they are awesome and being their parent is incredible.
Johanna says:
Love the pics! Your little Dancing Queen. And by all appearances, I think you are doing a great job.
Al says:
I know exactly how you feel! Sometimes I feel a little resentment and then of course guilt! But my kids are really heart-meltinly awesome too.
Colleen says:
I agree with Karen. To be a good parent you also have to take care of you and your marriage. Don’t lose yourself. There is nothing wrong with getting a sitter and going out. Take Annie to your parents and go get a pedicure, go shopping or hit up a coffee shop for a latte and muffin – don’t forget a good book! Seriously, you guys need to get out and remember why you got married. I actually had a terrific in home daycare provider that took care of my son for a couple of years until I quit my job. I still brought him there once a week just for me time, it was the best thing ever! Also, get a sitter for a once a week night out – it’s easier if you pick a non-weekend night! I have a bunch of old phones if Annie wants one to play with! I believe that you will find a happier Heather!
AmazingGreis says:
You’re doing a LOT of somethings right! You are an amazing mom. Maddie & Annie are lucky little girls!
Kerry says:
Thanks for this post, Heather. I feel the same way all the time and then feel guilty because I want an hour to myself. Here’s hoping we both get that hour soon!
mumagain says:
I totally understand. But objectively I think our generation may sometimes take this parenting gig a little too seriously! You are great and taking care of kids is not easy!
Jess says:
Remember, you HAVE to put yourself first or Annie doesn’t have a mom. You must eat, relax and space out sometimes so Annie doesn’t drive her mother crazy!!
Rebecca says:
I am completely in love with her sweet baby girl chubs. She’s a doll.
leanne says:
I’m going to agree with the others who say that it sounds like you need a day out to yourself. (Or at least you sound like I do when I need a day out to myself.) When I carve out that time for myself, I can come back feeling more refreshed, good about myself, and ready to be a mom again.
Love the photos — Annie’s expressions are just priceless.
Christina says:
I think that there is nothing at all wrong with still wanting for yourself and even putting yourself first sometimes. I remember reading a story or article and some young adults were looking back at their childhoods and their moms. A couple of people had that, “Yeah, my mom loved us, but….” sentiment referring to an overworked, under-rested, stressed or depressed mom who was just doing too much. Then there were the people who responded with the sentiment, “You know, my mom loved life!” and they watched their mother take joy out of many things, laugh with friends, splurge on an indulgent treat, sleep in occasionally, get excited over a new pair of shoes, come home beaming with a new haircut, etc.
While loving their children might be the most important job a parent has, it’s not the only job! You provide a daily example for Annie of how to live life and the best way to do that is to enjoy yours. Of course I am in no way referring to the moms who don’t give their children enough attention and do only for themselves. I don’t think that applies to most of the mom blogs I read or the other commenters there!
Michell DuBose says:
Finally delurking to say, you are doing a wonderful job. Don’t forget to take care of your self, as everyone has been telling you to do. And three little words that really helped me: Mother’s day out! Find one. Find the money for one. And take her. I still know the kids and parents from mother’s day out….20 years later! (Baby girl called this place “Baby house” for years.)
Angi says:
I for one know that the little extra sleep the phone provides in the morning…makes you a better mom all day long. Taking care of you, is taking care of Annie. Speaking of that….I am in NEED of a pedicure.
Snarky Mommy says:
Welcome to the club!
I have three and I feel like I have failed them on a daily basis because I can’t/don’t give enough one-on-one attention and lose my temper hourly (sometimes minutely). I enforce a simultaneous quiet time for the 5- and 3-year-old during naptime for the almost-2-year-old so I can sit uninterrupted for an hour. I would go insane without that hour!
And I let all three watch a video downstairs while I shower upstairs. I’ve also been known to snooze on the couch while they watch said video. So, trust me, you’re not alone.
Colleen says:
Also. remember, there is no RIGHT way, there’s only YOUR way. Annie looks happy so whatever you are doing, looks just fine. Think about what you want her to remember about you, that you were happy or stressed? Whenever I felt like I was going insane, I got going. We went to story hour at the library, the zoo, the park, classes at Comm. Ed. – we just got moving. My husband was great at playing games and I was the mover and shaker. It really helped to do something during the day.
leslie says:
dance with her!
and take a night off! with the hubs!
does wonders
Kelly says:
Well said, Momma Spohr. You are definitely doing something right…
amourningmom says:
Annie is so adorable. I have to agree with the commenters above – you are doing a lot right. Take care.
Nanette says:
You’re doing everything right.
Except that one thing.
You know.
(kidding)
(or am I?)
Meghan says:
JOEY DOESN’T SHARE FOOD.
You’re doing a lot right. It’s just hard to see it sometimes.
Em says:
what a cutie. You guys should do a Parent/Child dance class! OMG so cute
Jaime says:
Your doing EVERYTHING right because your loving her with every ounce of your being and she knows it. I am totally convinced that the ONLY thing kids really need to turn out alright is unconditional love.
Jenny says:
Don’t feel bad. I actually think saying no and letting Annie find ways to entertain herself is a good thing. Independence is a good thing! Annie can play toys while you watch your show and she can eat her own food.
I frequently hear people confuse good parenting with giving kids what they want. I disagree. It’s goods for kids to amuse themselves without our interference.
I agree that you have endured a lifetime of change in the past few years. Give yourself a break, Mama!
Jessica says:
Haha…she definately looks like she’s got the moves!
You’d be abnormal if you said everyday was perfect and you never got overwhelmed or frustrated! I get that way at least 3 times a day!
Cath @ 7 Million Wonders says:
You definitely are! Keep up the good work!
Laurie says:
True that.
Ray says:
She’s got SOUL, that girl! LOVE HER!