It’s not a secret that I really wanted daughters. I love the show Gilmore Girls and I knew that if I had a daughter she and I would be best friends forever, full of witty back and forth banter (or baby talk, whatever), and be each other’s comfort. And so far, both of my girls have had that relationship…
…with their dad.
Madeline had Mike as her stay-at-home parent for the first year of her life, so I chalked up their relationship to all the time they spent together. Annabel, on the other hand, has always had me around. I was certain I’d be her favorite. And yet, she constantly prefers Mike to me.
Example:
oh Daddy, this show is THRILLING! I am so excited to share this moment with you! I love you sooooo much, Daddy!
And then I try to recreate the same scene:
DADDY! WHY! WHY DID YOU GIVE ME TO HER?! DADDY! PLEEEEEEAAAASE DAAAAAADDY!”
Sigh.
If I am holding her, she reaches toward Mike. If she falls, she calls for her dada. If I try to comfort her, she bucks her body around until I am forced to put her down lest she knock me unconscious with her giant Spohr-head.
On the bright side, she also only tolerates MIKE changing her diaper, MIKE feeding her meals, and MIKE putting her to bed. So, yay for getting out of those messy chores.
When Mike leaves the room, she cries. When I leave she – no joke – waves, yells “bye” and then goes back to whatever she was doing.
I try to not let this get to me, but it’s getting harder and harder. I kind of doubt she even misses me when I’m not around. I don’t think she even notices. I know she loves me. I just want her to NEED me.
Mike says I will have my turn soon enough, when she gets older and requires female guidance. But that seems like an eternity from now.
Is the “Daddy’s girl” thing really true? Don’t get me wrong, I love their relationship. But I want that closeness with her, too. Is this a phase? I hope so…it hurts my heart.
InDueTime says:
I would chalk it up to her being so comfortable with you that she knows your coming back and stuff. (Not that she’s not with Mike, but whatever, thats not my point. lol) Plus, at this age? Toddlers are unreasonable. Ha.
Seriously though? Every day this kid is getting cuter and cuter!
And FTR? I was a Mommy’s girl. My sister was a Daddy’s girl.
Megan@TrueDaughter says:
InDueTime is totally right. She trusts that you are coming back soon. She spends a lot of time with you, and takes for granted that you will be around. Take it as a compliment – a testament of her complete faith that you will be there whenever, always.
Plus, my kids (I have NINE, so I know where of I speak!) have always gone through phases. They love Dad for a while, then Mom, then back to Dad. It depends on what is going on in their lives. There will be a time when all she wants is you…don’t worry!
Elle says:
I’ve been going through the same thing with my daughter. When she was younger, I used to think while sitting up with her at night, exhausted, that she would be my little shadow. Instead, it’s all about her daddy. It stings when I’m holding her and my husband walks in the room, she’ll struggle to break free from me to go to him.
Or as soon as she hears the garage door open, she’ll run while yelling for him even though my daughter and I were having a rare cuddle on the couch. I hope it’s just a phase.
Kirsty says:
I had the exact same thing with my elder daughter – it got to the point where she wouldn’t let me read her stories or give her goodnight kisses or anything. And yeah, it hurt like hell. After 3 years of infertility and one stillbirth, it felt like a real slap in the mouth. My younger daughter was always a Mummy’s girl, however, and did the exact opposite.
But it does get better – my older daughter is still a Daddy’s girl at heart, but we have a much better relationship than before (OK, she’s 9 now, but the change-around happened a good while ago, certainly before she was 3).
I think you just have to take it on the chin and not show that she’s hurting your feelings. I know it’s hard, I’ve been there, but it DOES get better (and way before she needs “female guidance”).
Bon courage!
Anais says:
My daughter, Chloe was the same way at her age. It broke my heart. But I figured it was because she spent so much time with me that when her Papa was home from work it was all about him. I have to say that now at 2 and a half she’s all mommy. (secret cheers of happiness) She immitates me and wants everything “like Mama”.
Wallydraigle says:
My girls have gone back and forth in phases. The older one went through a HUGE daddy phase right around this age. I’m not very emotional or affected by things like this most of the time, but I was pregnant and hormonal, and I remember coming downstairs after her LUNGING for her father at bedtime a few times, and sitting in the bathroom in the dark and just sobbing.
She’s crazy about me now. Every time he picks her up, “Want Mama? Mama?” and the baby much prefers him.
Crysi says:
My 3 girls go back & forth. My oldest came out a Mama’s girl. We were glued to the hip & it was terrible for her when her sisters were born. She still only wants me at bedtime for books & cuddles, but whenever daddy’s home, she’s his. As for the twins, they switch. Mira’s mostly a mommy’s girl, but she loves playing with daddy & hugging him. Bedtime is all me though. She’ll scream till she’s hoarse if he even dreams of attempting bedtime with her. Leia used to be all daddy all the time. I honestly thought she hated me. She wanted nothing to do with me & it felt so weird since the other 2 fought for me. Now she seeks me out, will lunge from daddy’s arms to me, wants to snuggle with me. There’s always 1 person can’t compete with though, & that’s my mom. Leia screams inconsolably when my mom has to leave. It’s rare that she does that for me.
I really think Annie will change. They go back & forth. I do know that my 2 original mommy’s girls butt heads with their daddy the most. They’re always having disagreements.
Rachel says:
Its definitely been true for us and I know how you feel. Our first-born, now 5, has always been a momma’s boy. While he went through phases where he preferred daddy, it always comes back to me. To this day, he curls up in my lap every morning and needs me to cuddle him every night (and often in between). Then came my baby girl, now 3, and she has ALWAYS preferred her daddy! He can calm her when I can’t, he can sooth her at the end of a long day and she just overall prefers him. Like you, I know that she loves me, but she really adores him. And I hate to say this, but it gets even worse when they start to talk, because now she can verbally break my heart by yelling, “I don’t want you Mommy- I want my Daaaaaady.” Ahhhh, expecting #3 next week, another girl, so here’s to hoping she finds me much cooler than her big sister does
Meg...CT says:
NO JOKE. This happened to me with 4 of my 5 children! I am the favorite with the 5th child…let me tell you being the favorite is draining work, but so very sweet. Your time will come!
Sherri says:
I was totally a daddy’s girl growing up…totally, 100%. Now my mom is my best friend. We work together and talk daily on the days she doesn’t work.
My girls are totally mommy’s girls. I know this will change probably, but at 13 and 11 they still prefer me. Yea me! I agree with induetime…Annie KNOWS you will always be back or are always just around the corner when she needs you. This means she is 100% comfortable in her surroundings. Yea you!
Island Mom says:
Island Girl came out a Daddy’s girl. In the delivery room, when they handed her to me, she just screamed. But hubby took her to hold her and she instantly settled down. We tested it a couple of times, same thing. Until she figured out I was her food source…then, she liked me a little, haha.
Then, hubby was gone for awhile for a training. When he returned, Island Girl was allllllll about mama. Until just recently. Yes, she still reaches for me when a stranger takes her, and yes, she still cries “mamama” when she’s hurt, but during the course of the day, she’s generally kind of grumpy until lunch time when we see daddy, and then grumpy again until she hears the garage door open signifying daddy’s return from work. And then she’s all smiles for the rest of the evening. I feel SO loved.
leslie says:
it’s a phase!
my eldest girl was “all daddy” for the first 3 years and then it faded…now, at 4, she’s all mommy…
her younger sister {2 1/2} is still a “daddy’s girl” by heart…but she’s showing signs of “needing other people” as well….
i totally know what you mean! i got really frustrated with it, too, but the good thing is: you soak it all in when they start to need you as well!!
Alison says:
Ditto the above, it’s a phase. PLUS, you’re always around her, so she wants the parent she is around least. I know this doesn’t make sense when thinking back to what Maddie wanted, but then I attribute that sometimes to girls just wanting their daddies. But they grow out of it..
I’ve been a stay at home mom for 8 years now. Whenever my husband was at work, my kids would want him him him.. and when he came home, it’s like I disappeared for the next hour. You wouldn’t know I was alive, or so it seemed. They were all over him on the weekends, etc.
And my daughter? Whoa.. until 2-3 years old, she was wanting him a lot. My snuggles and kisses were nothing compared to her daddy’s! But she grew out of it, and now she seemingly likes us both about the same. The only difference is, I am the stricter parent, so she goes to him for stuff she may get in trouble for at times..
She’ll come around, don’t worry! And then Mike will be wondering what spell you cast on her to make her want you and not him.
Rebecca says:
My sister’s daughter was a little terror before she was even born. That may seem like a harsh thing to say, but I say it with love and my family would all agree with me. My sister was in pain throughout most of her pregnancy from kicks pratically 24/7. Once my niece was born it was clear that she was very independent and didn’t need anyone for anything. She is a daddy’s girl though. Daddy could do no wrong in her book. Mommy? Mommy was there for food and that’s about it. A short time before she turned two it changed and she started wanting cuddles from everyone and she started growing very close to her momma. She just turned three and she’s still extremely independent but she’s got a hold on everyone’s hearts.
Lynn from For Love or Funny says:
I have daughters, and I’ve noticed the same phenomena. I like to think of it this way: perhaps our presence in our daughters’ lives gives them the liberty to be who they are, unfiltered, whenever we are around… the good, the whiny, and the naughty. No matter what, our girls know that we love them.
Sheryl Macnie says:
I have two daughters the eldest is now almost eleven and has been a Daddy´s girl from the day of her birth. The youngest a complete Mummy´s girl. However, now that my eldest is approaching some of the rougher girl stuff she comes to me for questions and every single question starts with ” please don´t tell Daddy”
Vera says:
Aaaw. I have two girls and a boy, and it’s true – in the girls’ eyes, their Daddy can do NO wrong. They get mad at me all the time for stuff that their father can get away with. BUT the part where they prefer one parent to the other, want that parent when something is wrong, want to hang out with that parent all the time, etc. – that goes through phases, sometimes it’s me, sometimes it’s him. So you will get your turn, and you don’t have to wait until they need to talk about girly stuff (though as a mom to a 5 and 4 year old – THAT comes sooner than you might think!) My baby boy thinks I hung the moon and wants nothing but to lay on me 24/7 and is just plain sad when I’m not around, so I guess there is something to that whole daddy’s girl/mommy’s boy thing.
Nellie says:
Ohh, Annabel will always have that hero worship/idolization with her Daddy but, she will love and adore you just as much but differently. I have a 3 1/2 year old daughter who used to treat me like Daddy’s girlfriend whenever I’d get the rare opportunity to pick her up from daycare with him and it’d hurt my heart to pieces. Everything was Daddy this, Daddy that and all No Mommy this and No Mommy that the first 2 years of her life. Now, she loves and adores me just as much, if not sometimes more than her hero of a dad! Yay, me!! When my husband has to stay home with her because Daycare is closed or she’s sick and one of us has to be at work, he’ll call me and tell me how much our daughter misses us and how nothing he does with her is good enough because she wants her mommy. I feel for him but I LOVE that she misses, wants and needs me!
Morgan says:
Longtime reader – first time commenter – had to ease your fears a bit. I’m 29 years old, a true “Daddy’s Girl” – but, my Mother is my best friend. I was the same way Annie is when I was her age – I spent all day with my Mom (she was the SAH parent at the time) but as soon as Daddy walked in the door from work, we were inseparable. I promise you, she will need you, and she will think of you, fondly. When anything happens in my life – big, small, wonderful, bad – my Mom is the first person I call. I know it seems like it is so far away, but now that my Mom is helping me plan my wedding I’m sure that the last 29 years seem like they went past in an instant. xoxo
Barbi Emel says:
Annabel loves her mama, she just sees you all day. She misses her daddy. I’m sure it will turn around, wait until she’s sick again, you’ll be the one home comforting her for the day. They know they need their mamas. Hugs xoxoxo
amy says:
I agree… She KNOWS she has your heart around her little finger and frankly takes your love as a given. But DADDY who has been gone all day.. well he seems pretty exciting
But yeah, as babies my girls were complete Daddies Girls (twins). Now at 13 I am the one they come to and feel most comfy with. And have to admit my son is a COMPLETE Mama’s Boy. Always has been and hopefully always will be
Holly says:
I think it’s a case of we want what we don’t have…kinda! lol. My daughter is totally a Mama’s girl right now and does all those things for me that Annabel does for Mike, and also waves by to her Daddy. It’s so much so that it’s become a joke and my husband is always saying “I’d do this or that, but she wants her Mommy.!” Ughh! I feel like I CANNOT wait until this ‘phase’ is over and she’s a daddy’s girl, but I know that will drive me nuts in the opposite way. haha.
Jenn says:
Your time WILL come! Sydney went through this but as she matured and started to have questions, like boys, ect. I’ve noticed she is coming to me more and more and wants to have “dates” with just me.
Hang tight Mama! This too shall past and you’ll say to Mike….”Hey honey remember when she WAS such a daddy’s girl”? They may always have a close, special relationship but sooner or later, your time WILL come Heather. No worries!
Jenni Williams says:
My boys were the same way. All three of them. As they get older they have turned to mommy more, but daddy is still king in our house. Though mine even wanted daddy in the middle of the night, heh. We will see with this new baby!
Andy says:
If you ever have a chance, be sure to check out Nancy White’s album, Momnipotent – Songs for Weary parents, especially the song “The Children’s Entertainer”.
Jessica says:
Its true its true….my daughter can care less whether I come or go….but her dad…oh the sun rises and sets with him. I feel for you I really do b/c I can relate
defendUSA says:
It’s just the way it goes, Heather! My 3rd kid, a girl always had me, me, me. The big kids were in school. I left for 36 hours and she snubbed me for 3 days! She would wake up, go to the opposite end of the crib and say “Da-dee!!” Now she is a cling-on for the most– part at 13.
Catherine says:
No advice, but my 2.5 y/o daughter makes a big deal out of preferring me, and rejecting her dad…we try to discourage the favoritism, but I think ultimately we just have to wait for her to grow out of it. She does fine with him when I’m not there, though, so he tries to take her out on outings often…he’s the non-SAH parent, though, so the situation is different from yours. Patience! xoxo
(PS–I agree w/ the poster above that being the “favorite” can be draining!)
Colleen says:
That’s the deal they have now, when she is 18. When she was little it was all me. My husband once said (jokingly) that we could never divorce because he would never see his daughter. Now she has him wrapped around her finger and they share their own warped humor, movies, games etc. I feel like an outsider sometimes! It will shift for sure.
Jen says:
I was a huge daddy’s girl. When I was little I would only eat if I could have one hand on my dad. I’m 34 and still a huge daddy’s girl although I do tolerate my mother now
Kate says:
There’s actually a whole psychological rationale for the “daddy’s girl” thing. (Based on Freud’s Oedipus complex but it’s not really the same thing it was when Freud came up with it anymore.) Generally, I think it’s older toddlers and little kids who have the “disassociate with the same-gender parent, associate with the opposite-gender one”, but that doesn’t mean Annie isn’t already hitting on those cylinders. Besides, someone above made the point that you’re the one home with her. By the time Mike gets home, you’re just not novel anymore.
(Also, please note: I am not a psychologist. I’m a law student. I can interpret a contract for you but I’ve only ever taken two psychology classes. In 2003. So judge that as you will.)
I was a total daddy’s girl growing up, myself, and as an adult I still prefer my dad to my mom. (But please note, my family is ultra-dysfunctional and my mom is a mess. A MESS.) My sister and my mom are much closer, but that’s just a personality thing. And for both of us, it took a long time to get close to my mom. I don’t know if it was just because she was a SAHM and we had her around all the time, or because of other factors (which are too numerous to get into here), but we grew out of it at least a bit.
Even though it took me until I was about 23 to really get there.
AmazingGreis says:
I have no doubt that she will NEED you more and more as she gets older, but the “Daddy’s Girl” thing is real. Well, at least it is for me. I’m a “Daddy’s Girl” have been since the early days. Yes, I love my mom lots, but my Daddy is my favorite. Just don’t tell my mom, though I’m pretty sure she already knows.
cindy w says:
My experience with Catie is that she tends to go back and forth every few months over which one of us she prefers. Right now she’s in a Mommy phase, but last fall it was all about Daddy, and I know it will be again. So, yeah, I vote for phase.
Also? If she’s waving bye-bye when you leave the room? It means you get to pee alone. DON’T take that one for granted!
Jess says:
My son is the same way with me usually. Two nights ago he cried huge crocodile tears because I was putting him to bed and not daddy. Really? Is it that bad? Cause you’re kind of breaking my heart here little guy. He goes back and forth though, so while around 1 year he was a total dad’s boy, around 18 mos. a mom’s boy, and now at 2 he’s back to dad. I’m hoping this next bun in the oven is a girl so I can have that bond with a daughter like you want. Like a previous commenter said, I’m sure Annie just feels more comfortable around you and knows you’re always there. But it still doesn’t take the sting away, does it?
Jennie says:
Heather, I have two teenage daughters, so trust me – yes, this is a phase. There will be lots and lots of times in her life that she will come to one or the other of you for help, advice, or companionship. I predict many happy mom/daughter shopping trips and late-night popcorn munching in your future.
Jennie
Amanda says:
Honestly, I think it is because you are the one with her all the time.
It’s a child development deal- they see you as an extension of themselves. Babies aren’t aware of much beyond self yet, and they just see you as a continuance of who they are- old news.
But daddy, he comes and goes and is not a given.
My daughter is 5 and still fluctuates with us a bit, but now she’s a daddy’s girl who needs her mom for her daily stuff.
KRISTEN says:
Heather, I COMPLETLY understand how you feel. I have a 15 month old son, who wants nothing to do with me. He only wants hsi dad. It makes me so sad. Everyone says it is just a phase, but it’s been goign on for….about 15 months!
TERI says:
Look at it this way, she doesn’t cry for you when you leave the room, cause she knows that you will be back! She is very self assured that you will ALWAYS be there…not that she doesn’t think MIke will be there for her, but she misses him during the day…LOl she is giving her mommy a “break” when she insists that Daddy feed/change/put her to bed…you are both amazing parents, to one “amazing annabel”
Joleine says:
I have the exact opposite problem. My 13 month old rarely wants ANYTHING to do with her dad. I’m with her 24/7, I give her all her meals, change all of her diapers, put her to bed 98% of the time, give her all of her baths. I can’t wait for the day that she realizes she has a daddy and he can do these things too with out her losing her marbles.
Kat says:
Toddlers and preschoolers are a moody and fickle demographic. Your time in the Annie spotlight will come… and go… and come back again.
Christina says:
I also have had the exact opposite experience with my kids. My daughter will be three in August and just recently has she been more flexible about not having me do “it all” and allows my husband to some things now. My son was the same way for the longest time too.
I think there will be flip flops on this behavior in the future. Some times the kids prefer me and sometimes they prefer him. I think it is just about how they are wired up a bit too. I always try not to take it personally because who knows with kids! I find those early years to be a bit confusing and trying to figure out what makes a little person like that tick is beyond me!
Elizabeth says:
I have two girls, too, Heather, and both are daddy’s girls. I was hoping the second would be all about me since her big sister was attached to her father, but nope. I’m now pregnant with our third and its a boy so although I don’t particularly like momma’s boys as adults, I’m happy to have him be one for the first decade of his life. I do have to say the older daughter did start to attach to me when she started preschool because I was the one with the relationship with the other moms, knew all her friends and coordinated playdates, valentines, hair, clothing choices, etc. Her dad “doesn’t know about that stuff.” That gets me through the day.
buttah says:
Our son, who is now 5, was the exact opposite! He was all about me for the first, oh 2 to 3 years…now he is all about his Daddy! When he was a baby, he would cry when Husband would hold him and then stop when I would take him back. It would break Husband’s heart!! Now, if he could fit in his Daddy’s pocket he would soooo jump in! But I love watching the two of them together, they are so much alike it’s not even funny!
Ashley Tinius says:
Yes, it’s just a faze. My 2 older girls both went through a faze where they preferred Daddy over me, or Nana, or Mimi, or just about anybody, for that matter….and I stay home with them, so I felt like they should want ME more than anyone else! With my first one, I was so sad and confused and hurt. With my second, I TRIED not to take it so personally, but it still stung. If it makes you feel any better, I’ve read that children act this way towards their primary caregiver (or the person they spend the most time with) because they feel secure that you’ll always be there, hence the blase attitude when you leave the room. So when my girls leave with their Nana for the day without even kissing me goodbye or giving me a second look, I tell myself it’s because they know I’ll be here when they get home. Hang in there, she’ll get over it and move onto some other ultra-fun faze;)
LisaJ says:
Uh..yeah. Pretty much!
S says: “Daddy”, “Sissy”, “Bubba”, her own name, “doggie”, birdie”…you get the point. She has added “Hi”to each of those on multiple occasions, too!
She CAN say “mama”, because we swear there was a time when she did. But ask me if she does???? I say, “Hi, Mama!” and she replies: “Hi, Baybee!” And follows it rapidly with a “Hi” everyone else in the freaking world besides me.
The only time she is ever all about me is when she wants to nurse. Or when I am trying to edit pictures or use the computer.
Otherwise?
Daddy! Bubba! Sissy!
I feel your pain.
::::sigh::::
Maggie says:
I have 2 daughters and it goes back and forth and it is different for both of them. The younger one usually wants me to do EVERYTHING and sometimes I wish she would prefer her dad once in a while. However, as they get older, I think they learn what each parent is best at (me: comfort, dad: fun) and go to us as needed. I have to say, since I never had my dad around, it feels really good that my girls are so close to their dad.
daisybv2 says:
Aww I agree with some of the comments she knows she will see you everyday and you will come back.
But I have to say my hubby was overseas for the first year of my daughters life and all she had was me. Seen him one time in 12 months. When he came home for good when she was about 18 months it was like she had been missing something she took right to him wanted nothing to do with me anymore. This went on for about 3 years.. or so now she is 6 and always wants to be with her mommy doing girlie things… its kinda equal now. But when she is hurt its always mommy.
Now My son on the other hand I was his #1 until he turned 2 now daddy is sooo much cooler.
Candice says:
Oh, so sad. That would tug at my heart strings as well. We have the same situation going, only opposite. My son is a total mama’s boy. He will cry when I leave the room, even with my husband sitting right there. He only calms from crying when I hold him. Lucky for me, he is happy to have daddy play with him, do diapers, give meals, so long as I’m nearby. That said, it has started to wane recently. My son is 3 and has started school and is so excited to see the both of us. Now he wants both of us around all the time and cries when either of us leave the room, or at the very least calls us back.
I have heard that the whole mama’s boy/daddy’s girl thing is true. However as they get a bit older they switch due to interests. There is still hope for your Gilmore Girls relationship. Hang in there mama!!!
Michelle says:
I have the exact opposite problem with my nearly two year old son. He is a major mama’s boy. My husband says that he feels like he is invisible when I am around. The grandparents feel the same way. He just wants me anytime I am in the house. It’s nice in some respects because I do feel needed, but it sucks when I just want to get something done and he is constantly wanting to be held or played with…by me. Kid, daddy is just as good at playing cars as mommy is! Maybe there is something to the whole Mama’s Boy/Daddy’s Girl thing.
Momma Uncensored says:
my little girl goes through that stage.. then comes back to being a momma’s girl.. then back and forth.. kinda a roller coaster.
tonya says:
My girls are six and ten and go back and forth. As babies, one preferred me, and the other (with colic, ha!) preferred Daddy. currently, BOTH love Daddy best, which can sometimes hurt. Like when we’re all standing around at a restaurant while the girls fight over who’s going to sit with DADDY! Or when my older one went to Daddy to discuss her first crush. She even cried (because he likes someone else) and it really did hurt as I overheard bits and pieces and heard him giving her the most STUPID advice. WTH? You go to MOM for that!!! And, here’s the kicker—she swore him to secrecy, specifically, DO NOT TELL MOM. That’s the one time ever that I was crushed by someone preferring Dad. But, I’ve tried to remind myself that my girls are so blessed to have a wonderful Daddy, and if I have to take a back seat, so be it. In the end, I’ll be happy to have good relationships with them. As I’ve learned with my own mom, this mother/daughter thing can be tricky.
Heather says:
I was born a Daddy’s girl. When I was a toddler I always wanted to be with my dad, doing whatever he was doing. As I’ve aged (I’m 30 now) I have developed a close relationship with my mom. But if I need something fixed or a heavy object moved or advice, I still turn to my Dad.
Jerilee E. says:
I usually don’t comment, but you had me at Gilmore Girls. Man alive, I miss them. I have 5 kids and they have all gone through the Daddy phase. I try to play it off with the whole “good! mama needs a break” thing… but it really does suck. You spend all day taking care of this little person- feeding, cleaning, playing, loving. Then they act like mom has cooties as soon as dad walks in the door. I’m a fun mom! What’s the deal?
What I’m trying to say is, I totally get this but still don’t know how to deal with the feeling of rejection! If you figure it out, let us know!
Glam-O-Mommy says:
Wow, Heather…I could’ve written this post myself lately! I’m in the exact same situation with my 2.5 year old. For awhile, she was letting me do things with her, but lately it’s Daddy, Daddy, Daddy to the point where my husband is doing 95 percent of things with her because she won’t let me dress her, brush her hair, give her a bath, etc. I have really been struggling with this because it bothers me SO much and I couldn’t figure out why! Until I read this sentence of yours: “I know she loves me. I just want her to NEED me.” I think that’s what’s really bothering me. I want her to NEED me too! Thank you for writing this…I shared it with my husband, and I think it’s helping both of us understand why I’m having such a hard time with this. (And it shows him I’m not just a crazy person-other moms feel this way too!) Annabel is so precious and I am sure, one of these days, she and my daughter are going to show us how much they really need/want us. Right?
Holly says:
OMG! I could’ve written this about my 19 month old son. Has been saying daddy for about 4 months – not.one.inkling of mama. I really feel for you, because I am also starting to take it personally. I talk myself out of it – I’m like, ok, he’s not even 2 he can’t actually dislike me (can he?) sigh…
Rumour Miller says:
I think it is a bit of both. DD1 has always often preferred her daddy (still today) but does ask for me. DD2 and I had a love affair for the first 2 years of her life, then she turned into a Daddy’s girl. Now she is competing with DD3 and she will be anyone’s girl… just about. DD3 and I are still in the honeymoon phase and she wants me most of the time. Daddy can still change her, dress her, feed her and put her to sleep so it’s all good.
I think that it swings back and forth and shows how bonded they are to both parent. I bet in a few months she will be reaching for you again.
Gillian says:
both of my boys prefer me. i think it’s an opposite genders thing.
Christina says:
It is a Phase, and she will out-grow it soon enough… I have 4 BOYS and they too wanted daddy…
Remember back when Annie was sick? She wanted MAMA and she NEEDED her MAMA… I know it was a yucky time, but stillshe wanted her mama…
There will be a time when she will come to you for those things that “OMG, DAD JUST DOESNT UNDERSTAND!!!!!!” Her first broken heart is a biggie…andsoon it will be a secret only moms will understand…
Be patient, your time will come….
DD says:
My son was the opposite. He LOVED his mom, and pretty much ignored my husband. It really hurt his feelings, he always tried so hard to be a good dad. Around 4 years, all that started to change. Dad could launch rockets and build legos, and mom became rather boring. He now plays with both of us about equally, except when my husband has been out of town. Then it is ALL about dad! Good luck, it will get better.
jenb says:
I have two boys who are now teenagers, and I have really found that it does switch back and forth over the years. When they were Annabelle’s age I was the preference. But then it switched to Dad. It was good when the phases overlapped, then we each had one who perferred us.
Erin W says:
YES! Its absolutely true! Breaks my heart, too!). The good thing is that you need to pop out another—a BOY! He’s all yours!!!!!!!!!!! My 4-year-old boy says he wants to be little forever so he can stay ‘my baby boy’. Priceless.
Twyla says:
I was a single parent for the first 10 years of my son’s life and when I met my husband they hit it off and he even started calling him dad. It got to the point where my son would be getting ready for bed and he would come over and kiss and say good night to “dad” and walk away and go to bed and I would be sitting there almost in tears. Completely shock and then their would be days that we barely interacted together. No matter what their age is, It’s hard. I had to remind myself that it is not a competition. My son was getting what he needed from both of us.
Jana says:
OMG. It is TOTALLY a phase. When my son was little he wanted his dad ALL THE TIME. I felt like a terrible mom, then one day he wanted me all the time. And it’s been that way for YEARS now. I’m sure it’s because she doesn’t spend all her time with her daddy like she does you. Right now you are a permanent fixture in her life and daddy leaves for work everyday. He’s like a new toy!
Cheryl says:
Not sure since I have a boy, but he wants his mama most of the time. It is usually my lap he wants to be on and to snuggle with. So maybe it is the mother/son and dad/daughter thing….
Rach L says:
I was the same when I was small, except instead of just my Daddy, it was ALL men. They could change me, hold me, cuddle me, even if they were complete strangers. As you can imagine, this thrilled my parents to no end….riiiight.
My mom was also my primary care giver, which made time with my Daddy so special.
Now, my Mom is one of my best friends. I don’t know what I would do without her. This happened when I was old enough to understand the joy of girl time.
Annie will get there. But I know it hurts in the meantime. Just remember she doesn’t mean it to, and once she’s old enough to know, she’ll feel bad about it.
Alicia says:
All THREE of my boys have been like this. My daughter was more the mommy lover (at first… now it’s pretty equal). It’s VERY SAD. I gotta say, though, the almost 3 years of nursing the daughter because she wanted to be PART OF MY BODY about killed me.
Mommy Boots says:
My Nellie is the same way. She will go to daddy before me. She says “dadadada” all day long. However, I take solace in the fact that she prefers her grandparents over both of us. If Gran and Pop are around, it’s sayonara mama and dada.
Also, I chalk it up to the fact that she feels safest with me so she acts out around me and is all “whatevs” toward me. My Nellie is definitely a daddy’s girl.
Deb Hauer says:
Annabel will and DOES need you. For some reason little girls love to watch their daddys in everything but when they grow up they will develop their feminine side and then you will be the only one they will talk to about those issues. Boys don’t know anything about being a female and my girls don’t want Dad to see their underwear much less have to talk to Dad about them! My girls LOVE to hang out and have fun with Dad but they have their talks with me, share their drama with me and special details of their lives with me…..and not DAD!!!!! You are special to her…..she just likes to have fun with Dad for now.
Jenny says:
It varies from kid to kid. One girl I knew was (and is) ALWAYS a mommy’s girl. Another girl was a mommy’s girl, and still sort of is. I ended up liking both my parents equally. One thing that made me avoid one parent over the other, even in my youth, is if I FELT that one parent was desperately needy. I gravitated toward the parent that enjoyed me being around, and wouldn’t try to make me feel guilty for not being around them.
It’s just a personal preferences that could change at any time. Some kids may prefer one parent over the other, but it doesn’t mean they love you any less. It just comes down to who they gravitate toward, perhaps for personality reasons, or just because that parent fulfills some need better than the other (again, this can change easily over time). Every kid is different. My mother had five girls, and she didn’t have a Gilmore Girl relationship with any of us, and they all think of her fondly and love her unquestionably.
suzy says:
omg – that was so my daughter! we have a picture of him reading her a book (she was about 18 mos) and she is just gazing into his eyes like a love sick puppy. she ADORED him until about 3rd grade. sadly, it gradually went away and now at 13, she quietly giggles at those old pictures and has no memory on being obsessed with him. she and i have stayed connected in that normal, i know you are going to be there so i’m not going to ever be excited over you way. it broke my heart when she was little and was gaga over my husband. but her lack of memory over being gaga over him now and not wanting much to do with him now is devastating to him!! one of the perils of parenting girls i guess…..i don’t think i was ever this complicated!!! annabel is beautiful and has so many features in looks and personality to my daughter – you are all lucky to have each other!
Cherie says:
I think it is a girl thing. My boys are complete mommy boys. They want nothing to do with their dad. It’s always Mommy Mommy Mommy! It is exhausting sometimes.
Kristi says:
Our kids, a boy and a girl, went back and forth with their “favorite” parent all through their growing up years. They are now 17 (boy) and 20 (girl), and our daughter will call my cell phone rather than her dad’s; however, our son prefers his dad’s input on things. They love us both so no worries!
Felicia says:
Ditto, except with our son. He adores his father and everything you said is true for us. I know he loves me but I’d like to feel needed. Sigh. Some day.
kristen says:
heather, did you see this babble essay? http://www.babble.com/toddler/toddler-development/raising-a-daddys-girl-daughter/
no help, really, just someone going through the same thing!
Crys says:
I have a 19 month old daughter that does the same exact thing. And I explained it to my husband the same way – I know she loves me but I NEED her to need me. We both work but his hours are wonky while mine are basic office hours – so I am with her more. She still prefers her daddy. She never used to be this way – as a newborn and even up until about 14 months old she only wanted me. My husband, fortunately, never got offended. I mean he’s not a woman with hormones like me. So she’s always needed me and now all of a sudden doesn’t. I can’t lie, I have stomped off to the bedroom and had a good cry because it hurt me so much. Yeah, I’m still a hormonal mess these days. From what I’ve found online it’s normal and kids tend to go back and forth with their favorites. So I’ve just decided I’ll have to deal. Still heartbreaking and so hard!
Hang in there, I know what you’re going through.
kbreints says:
If she has you around all the time, that she does not have the time to miss you per say– maybe?
I don’t have girls, but being a girl myself I remember have those waxing and waining relationships with my parents while growing up.
Jennifer says:
I don’t know if someone has already said this or not, since I didn’t read all of the comments… but… It could be that she is so secure in your love and devotion to her, that she doesn’t need to be needy. Not that Mike isn’t an awesome Daddy, that is totally not what I am saying. Just that since you are there all the time, she knows that you will always be there. She doesn’t feel the need to suck up all of the emotion and time. After all, she can cuddle you all day tomorrow, but Daddy will be at work by then.
This is what we see at our house anyway. At least, that’s what I tell myself
Melissa says:
This is such typical behavior for a toddler – though it doesn’t make it any easier on the rejected parent. My older son went through a very long daddy phase – he didn’t want anything to do with me and it really hurt my feelings. He eventually got over that and got attached to me. Now it’s either/or but he is 4. Now, when the younger one (21 mos) exhibits a preference, the rejected parent takes it in stride…and smirks a little. Like you said, one less thing for us to do at least. She’s going to go back and forth for a while…
BTW, her pictures are so amazing but the captions crack me up even more…
Lora says:
Don’t worry, this is SOOOOOO normal. My husband went away for my daughter’s entire second year of life (to Afghanistan) and yet when he came back she STILL preferred him over me almost instantly! lol! This time, being 4, she is being a bit more clingy to me since his return from Iraq. But I know to enjoy it while I can because soon enough the Daddy’s Girl will be back full force!
Sasha says:
I have two and half year old boy/girl twins and though they swing back and forth to a certain degree, for at least the past six months my boy has been all about Papa and will push me away, and say ‘go away, Mama!’. It’s really hurtful but what can you do? The girl tends to prefer me. DH and I share childcare, too, so it’s not like they see more of one of us than the other, though I think in general Daddies tend to be the ones who get to do more ‘fun’ things – roughhouse, play, etc. and Moms end up doing the things like feeding, diapers, etc. so we don’t get much credit for being fun.
Marcilyn says:
My daughter is the opposite. Totally clingy to mommy and not to daddy. it really upsets my husband as well. I tell him the same thing Mike tells you. So far she’s 3 and nothing has changed. I wish I could offer some magic solution.
Snarky Mommy says:
That picture of them is hilarious. She’ll switch it up, you’ll see. She only likes him better because you’re around all day and he’s not. he comes home and it’s party time! All my kids went through a daddy phase and then a mommy phase and back again.
Glenda says:
oh so sad Heather. I had a great relationship/friendship with my mom and always wanted a daughter for the same reasons. My daughter was the same way. Daddy put her to sleep at night the best. She loved to cuddled up with Daddy. But by the time she was 3 she was a mama’s girl. We’d go shopping and she loved that time with me and as soon as we got home Daddy’s lil girl. Annie will switch it up. My daughter and I talk all the girl stuff and she talks with her dad all the sports stuff. So it’s definitely split down the middle. We do mommy/daughter dates and then they will go to dinner and a movie date. It’s so much fun and definitely moreso the older they get. Fun times! Just you wait and see!
Sara says:
My niece was very much a daddy’s girl at that age and she still is to a degree. (Age 7) But now she’s turning into a little mini clone of my sister. And with her unique personality we fully expect her to butt heads with Daddy as a teenager.
Hang tight, Mama. You’ll have that best friend before you know it. That precious little face will come around.
Courtney says:
Thank you for writing this. Because this is what my husband goes through with our son. He’s a total mama’s boy – reaching for me even when my husband is holding him, crying out for Mama-mama-mama anytime he needs comfort. But I know they’ll share many father-son moments in the future that I could never touch – and the same is true for you and Annie. The mother-daughter bond is precious, and she is so lucky to get to experience that with YOU. (Seriously, what an awesome mom you are!)
Leslie K says:
Our 6 year old was exactly like this, (We contributed it to the breastfeeding!) and it was very hard on my husband. He’s still a momma’s boy, but he is ALL about doing “man stuff” with Daddy. He’ll leave me on my own in a heartbeat to go hang out with Dad.
Hang in there, Heather, it all evens out eventually.
Noelle says:
When my daughter was 1 and 2 she didn’t want anything to do with me. My husband would come home from work and she’d turn to me and say, “Daddy home. You go now, Mommy.” Seriously! Then she turned 3 and suddenly our relationship blossomed. Last summer (age 5) she even made up a song for me called “You’re My Best Friend.” I’ll enjoy this phase as long as I can!
amy d says:
OMG, Heather…I read the caption under the Mike & Annie pic with your Annie voice from the videos and literally laughed out loud.
I know EXACTLY how you feel on this one. My son was the same exact way for the longest time. I mean what baby doesn’t want it’s mama??? I was heartbroken.
But it turned out to be stage. Now he’s 2 1/2 and gushes over both of us. He’ll ask about me if I’m out and run to me when I pick him up from preschool. He gives me kisses without prompting and says “lub you”
I promise this is a stage. It will get better!
gemini-Girl says:
haha- so true!! she does cry when he leaves the room, and to you she does say bye bye!
join the club sister. Daddy can do no wrong to their little girls. Both my girls prefer their father.
I’m hoping that I will get to have a boy one day and see if the whole- daughters for dad and sons for mom thing is true.
Ana Brightful says:
Oh, it’s legit! I have a daddy’s girl on my hands as well. My girl is the same age as Annie and she prefers Daddy for everything. He is so funny! exciting! and interesting! It’s not easy, but I guess we can’t fight it. I try not to show that I’m hurt by it. I know it’s not intentional on her part, but it still stings.
momof2 says:
From the variety of comments, it’s pretty clear that most kids go through periods (they can easily be years long!) of preferring one parent over another. You’ve gotta love that they are so transparent about it though.
My son and daughter have both gone through Mommy and Daddy Only phases. And who know where they will end up as adults? Most often, one parent WILL end up being the favorite. But that’s not the same thing as “needing”. Perhaps I talk/laugh/chat more with my mother, but I still very much need my father. So even that distinction gets ambiguous.
But we didn’t really have kids because we wanted them to need us, or worship us, did we? The best thing we can hope for is that we’ll become friends and that our kids turn into adults we can be proud of. Cold comfort when you get the cold shoulder, I know…. but hopefully this post has given you some perspective!
Betsy says:
My son is the same way with his dad, always has been. It’s hard to take, I know. My husband leaves for work before our son get up, and every morning the first thing my son says is, “Where’s Daddy?” And every morning, I tell him he’s at work. Cue frowny face and big tears: “NO! NO He’s NOT AT WORK! I want Daddy, wah!!!” It’s the novelty, since I’m the boring one who is with him most of the time. Daddy’s the fun one who plays with him while I’m stuck making dinner. He does run to me when he gets hurt, though. He started doing that somewhere around 2. They always come back to Mama, eventually!
Denise says:
My 4yo is the same exact way, everything is daddy. He was just away for 11 days and it’s like I’m chopped liver now that he’s back. She is his shadow as soon as he walks in the door.
Sue says:
Aw, mama, don’t worry. Your time is coming. This happened with my kids as well. It passes. It won’t be long before she sees you both as walking ATM’s.
Rebecca says:
Soon enough she’ll be your little shopping buddy…..and Mike’s secret? I think it has to do with bacon. I bet he keeps bacon in his pockets…..that or a cupcake.
Jessica says:
I only have a boy, so I can’t say it’s a sure thing, but my son is a total Mama’s Boy. He is 100% into me, and I’m not sure when he will start wanting his dad over me. Hopefully, never!
Elizabeth says:
I have 3 girls. All 3 love their Daddy like mad. They want me to take care of them but he is all they want every other time. I can only say “enjoy this”, as bad as that sounds. When they decide that you’re the one, you become the only one. It will be your turn soon enough and then you’ll never get a spare second.
Amelia says:
The kids I took care of swung back and forth through out the years, mama’s girl for a bit, then wanting daddy all the time. Mine is the exact opposite, she’s a mama’s girl. While I enjoy every minute of her, I can tell it hurts her daddy’s heart, so that makes me sad. We’ll see how it changes over time.
Kelly says:
I think kids kind of go through phases of back and forth. Mea certainly has. A lot of the time she is a Momma’s girl, but when she is in one of her Daddy’s girl times, I can’t do anything right. Annie will swing back to you, and then swing back to Mike again, I’m sure of it.
Brigid says:
My daughter is the EXACT same way with me and I am the one that takes care of her all day. I figure that may be part of it, she only sees my husband a little bit each day. Still breaks my heart though.
nicole says:
my 2.5 yr old son is EXACTLY like you described with his daddy. daddy has to get him out of his carseat, daddy has to take him potty, daddy has to help him when it’s his turn to go bowling…………pretty much everything. i try not to take it personally (my other 2 boys seem to like me!!), but i know what you mean. sometimes i’m like – “hey kid! what’d i ever do to you?? besides carry all 9 lb 4 oz of you in my belly, that was sliced open for your c-section??”
i know he loves me too…………and it just makes the times he does want mommy even sweeter! (like when daddy carried him out of the store throwing a fir last weekend……..you bet your sweet butt he was crying for mommy right then!!)
Lisa says:
I won’t let my husband read this because he blissfully thinks the only reason Maya prefers me to him is because I stay home with her.
Maybe Mike is secretly bribing her with something Perhaps if you are blessed with another child you’ll get a boy and you can have a total Momma’s boy!
farfalla says:
My sister and I were (are) big daddy’s girls. I call him more than twice as often, I loooove spending one-on-one time with him, I miss him the most when I’m not living close by. My sister chose to live with him as a teenager (divorced).
So, yeah. Sorry. I think it’s a real thing. BUT, I don’t know how much this will cheer you up, my mom is absolutely the parent I run to when I have a problem, panic attack, crisis, etc. She’s also the one I go to when I need something fixed (i.e., any problem when I was in school, she’d be at the principal’s office the next day demanding they fix it).
My dad is awesome and I love him like crazy, but when things get serious it’s my mom who I confide in and who I know is going to do anything she can for me. Not that my dad wouldn’t, it’s just… you know, something about the mama bear thing.
Since babies don’t really have those problems, I expect Mike is right. Once she starts having broken hearts and emotional crises she’ll probably run to you.
Libby says:
Our almost-3-year-old son prefers Daddy over Mommy most of the time, while our 9 month old daughter prefers me most of the time–right now. I think it’s just irrational stages of kids. Annie does love you and need you! She’s just not good at showing gratitude yet. It’ll get better! (But I understand your frustration–it just doesn’t seem fair!)
Mary Ann says:
I’ve always been a Daddy’s girl. My Dad just seemed to love me unconditionally, in his eyes I could do no wrong. I miss him so much.
Tara. says:
I’ve been a SAHM since the moment my oldest was born 10 years ago and all of my 4 kids prefer their Daddy, not just the girls. It kinda makes me sad sometimes, but also makes me heart swell with love, as I didn’t have a Daddy growing up.
Sorry Annie is bias, but she will need you more someday to help her with all that girl stuff. You know, like dying her eyebrows red.
ee says:
When my husband was a SAHD, my son definitely preferred him. Luckily I was still breastfeeding, so I always had that over my husband. Ha. But it did bother me. When I stopped breastfeeding, I made an effort to do things that were just “ours”, like reading before bed, etc. I remember my dad doing that with me and my siblings when we were little. He always read us stories and gave us our baths. Not only did it give my mom a much needed break, but it also gave us that special time with him.
Nancy Wurtzel says:
I can SO relate to this post! For years, I went through the same thing with my daughter, but she did grow out of it by the time she was about seven or eight (sorry, I know that is awhile) and she is now almost 18 and going to be leaving for college soon. Nothing ever stays the same — although it is hard to remember that when the kids are little and the days are soooooo long. You are not alone!
Emily says:
As a single mom, with a daughter, I wish mine could have the daddys girl experience. I want nothing more for her to have a man figure in her life and she doesn’t. So reading this does make me sad, because I am living in the “other side.” It is important for girls (and boys) to have a positive male figure in their life, and while reading this I do feel that I am always the one my baby girl wants for everything.. I do wish there was someone else special in her life she would want during her times of “need.”
Be glad she has her daddy in her life and that she is in love with him. The true alternative, is much worse.
Sarah M. says:
My little girl is too small to be much of a daddy’s girl because she’s going through that baby phase (@3 1/2 mo) where anyone but mom is scary, she’s even started crying when her grandma holds her and she used to like her well enough! Her poor grandpa & uncle are worse off because she screams if they so much as look at her. She’ll grow out of it… I hope… I wouldn’t mind if she’d take to someone other than me, if only long enough for me to shower!!
My mom tells me I used to love my daddy’s lap when I was little. I don’t remember it myself… as long as I can remember, I’ve always preferred mom, to the point of holding her hand when I was far too old to be needing any such thing (I cringe at how long it took me to give that up!) That’s kids for you.
Sher says:
Damn hormones. It’s all their fault!
Whether 14 months old or 46 years old. HORMONES are to blame for everything!
Tracie says:
My daughter was like that when she was younger…..but now that she is seven, she is all about mommy. And she watches Gilmore Girls dvds with me which is also nice
Em says:
In my experience, kids are just like dogs in this respect! (This comes to mind because my husband just “stole” my new puppy’s affections! She was *supposed* to be “my” dog!!! WTF?!?)
I’ve found that kids (and dogs!) very much prefer one parent over the other. And while you may have a phase where they opt for the other parent, they always seem to come back to the original parent whom they bonded with.
Personally, I’ve always been a mama’s girl — I never switched over to my dad, not for a moment. The same has occurred with my children — they’ve always preferred a particular parent. It’s been like that from day one. So I can say with certainty that some kids just won’t develop a close bond with both parents.
Certain personalities are naturally attracted to each other. I don’t think there’s anything that can be done to change this. You can’t help whom you like/dislike any more than you can control whether you bond with mom or dad.
As she gets older, she may identify with you more due to “girl stuff.” But in my experience (and in looking at my friends and their families), daughter-mother relationships only tend to get more difficult as the child ages. I think it’s due to emotions and the way that females tend to express emotion — very different from the way that men express and handle emotion. I think this is also related to that opposites attract theory…father and daughter are more apt to be opposites simply due to what tend to be gender-related differences in personality, emoting, etc. As the girl ages, she becomes more like mom…and the bond diminishes because they’re *too* alike. (In my case, I’ve always been very “male” in my emotional display, etc., so I bonded with my mom — my opposite. I’ve always had a sterotypical “guy mind”, despite the fact that I’m a girl! *LOL*)
My point: I wouldn’t put too much stock in the hope that you’ll bond as she gets older…the opposite may occur. It’s a crapshoot.
Annie will always love you, Heather. But she may simply “mesh” better with Mike. That’s okay, though. It is what it is. Each parent-child relationship is unique. Accept it for what it is and work toward enriching and growing *that* relationship. Don’t spend your time trying to change it, or wishing that your relationship was different — you can’t be fully present in a relationship if you keep wishing and hoping that it will change.
She’ll always love you both immensely.
Perhaps it’s an excuse for another baby?!?! I’ve gotten away with that a few times with babies (and puppies!) *LOL*
-Em
Karen says:
It might have something to do with the fact that she DOES have you around all the time. You’re a constant, you’re there whenever she is and probably, a lot of the time, you’re there whenever Mike is around too. She hasn’t had a lot of exposure to you leaving in a regular pattern whereas I’m guessing that Mike leaves her and comes back a lot more. Without really knowing your routine it’s hard to say but Annie might just not have the same sense of being without you that she experience with Mike when he goes to work.
Also, though Mike clearly lavishes attention on her, if you’re spending more time on average a day with Annie simply because of the sheer logistics of your routine, you’re by default more responsible for all the discipline and modelling and restricting that go into raising a gorgeous bundle of smarty-pants. (These are only guesses, I don’t really know what your routine is!) Annie’s smart, I’m sure she’s been tallying up who says ‘no’ the most!
Poor Mum.
The good news is, this strong relationship with her father will only benefit her in the long run and she will have no choice but to need and appreciate her mother more and more as she gets older and realises that her father has NO idea about hair accessories, shoes or how to apply makeup.
Or maybe I’m making too many assumptions.
Penbleth says:
Yep, the Daddy’s Girl thing is very true but it will change as Annie grows. Try not to be too upset by it, yes I know that’s not easy.
Also, as said above, if Daddy does all the fun stuff and you are always available and have to deal with disipline then, 1, Annabel knows she will always have your attention and Daddy being home has some degree of novelty to it and 2, by default, sometimes you are the bad guy who has stopped her from doing or having something she wants.
Cathy says:
Deep down we both know its temporary right ?!?
God, I hope so.
I know exactly how you fell.
In fact I had the same type of evening and had to laugh when I read your post yesterday night. It reassured me that alot of us go through the same thing.
For your entertainment,
3 scenarios in the space of 2 hours yesterday evening:
1) To a girl at Dairy queen: “Hi, I’m Sarah. Look… (as she points our way) thats my daddy”.
Mommy=whatever.
2) Sarah gets an answer right on a game. Mom and Dad: “yeahhhh nice job!!!!” Sarah walks to dad…big huge hug and a “thanks daddy”
Mommy=whatever.
3) “Sarah, mommy wants a big hug” …..Sarah: ” ummmm, no.”
Mommy= whatever.
pffff our girls will be back Heather because we ROCK
Cathy in Montreal
noelia says:
I’m not a mother but I babysit this 3 year old girl. She is all about daddy too, but she is so mommy-obsessed when it comes to certain things. It’s just a phase… when she’s older she’ll be your best friend!
bokker says:
Dude. My 13 month old CALLS me Daddy.
Tauni says:
Both my girls were like that. I just chalked it up to the fact that I was home with them all day so they “got” me but daddy was gone and when he got home he was the fun one cause he hadn’t been chasing them around already all day! Who knows. Both my girls still LOVE their daddy but I am finding my older one (who is now almost 9) comes to talk to me more often.
Nicole says:
I have never left a comment before, although I’ve read your blog for years now. I guess this is the first situation where I feel “qualified” to weigh in, even if I am only 5 years into motherhood.
I have a daughter, and her total, complete, utter preference for her father would keep me up at night–what had I done wrong? how had I failed her? why didn’t she look to me for comfort? why did I not provide the contentment she so clearly felt with her father?
When she learned to talk she would always say “I just love Daddy”. But once, she told me I was a good Mommy! I asked her “what does a good Mommy do?” & she followed with a laundry list of all the things I do: make the dinner, clean up the dinner, wash her clothes, do her hair, make it pretty, make the bed, “keep care” of her, make sure she is warm, make sure she is safe.
What does a good Daddy do? I asked. “ummm…help clean up the dinner, and always eat candy. ” Great. Way to get off easy, Daddy.
Now that she is a bit older, she is happier to be around me. I think she is realizing in some small way the way the two of us connect as females. The way I deal with her is different from how my husband deals with her, and she notices it, and I think she appreciates it more as she gets older and more curious. When she says “daddy I want to tell you something” he says “okay!” . When she says that to me, I say “You can tell me anything. I want to hear what you have to say”. It may seem corny, but I’m hoping it spells out for her what I bring to her as a parent and helps us develope that “Gilmore Girls” bond you describe!
mommymae says:
my kids all had a daddy-love phase. don’t take it to heart. she loves you, too.
Katie B says:
I feel you so much on this one. My 2.5 yo son is a Daddy’s boy all the way and has been since he was old enough for a favorite. Sometimes it’s nice because you get an automatic break when your husband’s around… But it can break your heart, too. My son will tell me to go away or stay downstairs when he and Daddy are playing. But when the shit really hits the fan he comes to me. Still, most of the time I’m playing second fiddle. I’m just hoping our next child likes me a little better.
Heather @ CSAHM says:
I have two girls and they have always gone back and forth on who was their favorite. My oldest is almost 13 years old and she is just now wanting to talk to me more. *sigh*
Roadblocks and Roller Coasters says:
I completely understand! My first went through a time (like between 6 months and 15 months) where she didn’t care for me quite as much as she did my husband and my mom. It was heartbreaking especially since I work full-time and just assumed that was why she hated me. It was so bad at times she would SCREAM when i had to take her home, but she would run to her dad when he picked her up. That period was really hard on my heart.
She definitely did come around though and is quite the mummy’s girl now–but she still adores her daddy and my mom.
Hang in there–it will get better! I love your blog by the way…
statia says:
Both of my kids were Mama’s babies. But, my son, who is now four, was way more wash and wear when it came to his people. He almost never cried or was upset when we left him with Grandma, or a known sitter. If I left him with daddy to go out, it never bothered him, or vice versa. But at night, he usually wanted me, if he woke up. Though, he was accepting if daddy came in to rock him.
My daughter on the other hand, was and is a full on Mama’s girl. She’s just now starting to let daddy in on her love and affection. I don’t know if it was because she was nursed (partially), or if she’s just that attached to me, but the majority of the time, she still wants me. I know that will change, and every time she goes to her dad, it breaks my heart, even though I’ve had two years with her on my hip. I’m greedy. :o)
Jessica says:
Definately a phase!
My younger son went from momma’s boy, to daddy’s boy, now back to momma’s boy!
My oldest….always been a momma’s boy!
eliza says:
I have boy girl twins and my little boy was like this for about 18 months. We had just sort of split off, dad with boy and me with girl. I don’t know why but it just happened that we would end up with that particular one all the time and my boy became totally attached to his dad. It worried and saddened me so much. But then it just changed one day and he became my little love attached to me at all times. He’s four years old now and curled up with me in bed at this very moment. Those things are phases. It will shift around.
Michele says:
Oh dear. Yes – I also watch Gilmore Girls. And when my 1st was a girl I thought it would be that way – but she is a daddy’s girl. Then my 2nd was a boy… HOORAY! I thought. Nope. he is his sister’s boy. I had to get a dog to get someone in the house to like me best. However, that said, my now 9 year old girl either needs ME or hates me. At times, if I say black, she will say white. just to disagree… but boy o boy – she needs me, not her dad, more and more every day. Hang in there Heather – I remember the same feelings of rejection. It will get better.
Addie says:
I hear ya! My almost 3 year old daughter has ALWAYS preferred her grandma to me (my mom). I stayed home with her for 2 years and right around 6 months she started preferring my mom to me…for everything, no matter if she is happy/sad/hurt/wants something, etc. I have always been super close to my mom, and now if the 3 of us are in a room, there might as well just be 2. I’ve been replaced for both of them. There are times it really hurts, but I’ve gotten pretty used to it by now. I completely relate to your wanting to feel needed even if you know Annie loves you. I try to tell myself its because my mom spoils her…I’m nervous for the teenage years!