I’ve mentioned in the past that we co-sleep. We did it with Maddie, and we now do it with Annie. It’s so lovely to have a little warm body to snuggle with. Mike and I love making an Annie Sandwich (with Rigby on top for garnish). Breathing her in, smoothing her hair, watching her sleep, I get so much pleasure from these things.

But now…well, she’s big. And she tosses and turns, which wouldn’t matter so much except she tosses right into us. And when she wakes up, if I’m not awake, she starts climbing things. The other day I woke up to a loud crash. She had somehow climbed onto Mike’s bedside table and had pushed everything off of it. Including the lamp, the phone, and an alarm clock.

So the co-sleeping thing isn’t really working so much anymore. I don’t sleep well because I’m afraid she’s going to wake up and hurt herself.

But here’s the thing. She’s almost ten months old. She is going through the attachment and abandonment phase and well…I can’t deal with it at night. It destroys me to put her down in her crib and feel her grasping at my shirt desperately. It immediately flashes me back to the last time I put Maddie down. I always pick Annie back up and weep into her hair.

Clearly, we both have issues with this arrangement.

I don’t know what to do. I need Annie to be safe. I need to be able to sleep. SHE needs to be able to sleep, but still feel loved.

Help. I am floundering. And exhausted.