Everyone needs an enemy, right? Some people are enemies with a neighbor, others with a boss or former classmate. My enemy? Lee Corso.
He wasn’t always my enemy. In fact, I used to find him charming and somewhat hilarious, acting like a crazy college kid even though he’s over 70 years old. We are big college football fans around these parts, so I watch him religiously every week.
It all started back in 2005, when the College GameDay crew came to the LA Memorial Coliseum for #11 UCLA vs. #1 USC . For those of you who don’t watch College GameDay, it’s filmed at a different college football town every week. The filming is open to all students and fans of either team. Pretty much everyone in attendance is die-hard for their chosen team, and many people bring signs to be seen on TV. I wanted to proclaim my ultimate fan status toward Corso. He is so enthusiastic and a little nutty, just like me. Clearly, we’re cut from the same cloth. I wracked my brain for a week, trying to think of a way to get his attention. And then it struck me the same way lightening struck Corso’s rental car:
This sign was on the broadcast several times (I didn’t have a DVR in 2005 so you’ll have to take my word for it). About 70 minutes into the show, a P.A. in sweat pants came over to me and said, “You’re going to have to take your sign down. It’s obscene. Corso doesn’t like it.” I said, “Obscene? What part of it is obscene? Wait…Corso saw my sign?! YAY!” My friend Chris (the one in the picture) then said, “There’s nothing bad written on this sign! It’s just implied. There is TOTALLY a difference.” The P.A. ran off, and we celebrated our victory. Until the P.A. came back with USC campus security. They tried to get me to hand them my sign. At this point, the crowd was egging me on. I refused to give them my sign, saying, “this isn’t the USC campus. You can’t confiscate my sign! It’s MY property! I’m not a student! You don’t have any jurisdiction over me!!!”
Then they got the L.A.P.D. The officers said something about discussing what my sign said down at the station. I gave them my sign. But my love for Corso? Destroyed. He was now Heather Enemy #1. Why didn’t he love me back?
The next year, Lee picked CAL to destroy USC in their meet up in Berkeley. Instead, USC dismantled CAL. The following week, the GameDay crew was at the Coliseum for #2 USC vs #6 Notre Dame. I made this sign, mocking Corso’s erroneous choice:
He didn’t have time to have me or my sign removed from the broadcast area – not that he had grounds for it – because as soon as my sign was on TV I got out of there.
In 2007, I was on bed rest during the entire football season, and I bet Corso breathed a sigh of relief. But this year, I am not on bed rest!! This past weekend, GameDay was once again at the Coliseum, this time for #5 Ohio State’s visit. For the weeks leading up to the game, everyone asked me what my sign would say. I knew I would have at least one sign – this one:
Even Flat Jackie! made an appearance!
It took me a while to think about my other sign. My tailgating crew and I wracked our tired brains, and then I decided to blame Corso for a crime I’d been the victim of nine years ago:
What? Can you prove he didn’t steal my bike? That’s what I thought.
My friends Brianne, Derek, Jack, Jeff, and Erin went over to the GameDay set, and we went for our usual spot behind Chris Fowler. When we got there we found a bunch of rowdy painted fraternity guys, so we knew we’d get on camera. And sure enough…
Another one of our signs (referencing the USC Quarterback’s slightly vulgar nickname) managed to make it on camera before it, too, was banned. Luckily my friend Derek was much more charming to the P.A., and he wasn’t threatened with legal action. Or maybe it was because Corso wasn’t afraid of his love. I prefer to think it’s the latter. If I know Corso (and I think I do), he’s already worried about the next sign I’ll greet him with.