As you all probably know by now, I have a long-standing feud with ESPN College GameDay co-host Lee Corso. I continue to loathe him with every fiber of my being, and he continues to outwardly act as if he has no idea who I am. The nerve.
My alma mater’s football team, the USC Trojans, got off to such a rocky start this season that I knew there was no chance College GameDay would visit the school. Frankly, I was okay with that. Not many people know this, but having a sworn life enemy is exhausting. I thought having a year off would be good – give me some me time, you know?
But Corso, he can’t stay away. When it was announced last week that the show was going to broadcast from the USC Campus, I made sure to clear my schedule for the entire week. I’d already had a vision of the perfect sign and I knew I’d need a full five days to construct it. Unfortunately, my kids were like, “Um, mom? We need food and also attention?” so I wasn’t able to get around to making my sign until Thursday. It really was a no-brainer: Two of America’s most polarizing celebrities, together as one:
I’d really wanted to construct a Miley body that actually twerked, but I found it impossible to find an image that was large enough, taken from the correct angle, and did not cost thousands of dollars. I understand photographers gotta eat, but why don’t any of them offer a parody discount? They should look into that untapped market.
My mom thought it would be fun to come along, so she and I met my friend Derek at 7am. This year the show started broadcasting an hour earlier, or 6am local time (yuck). However, Corso is only on the show for the final two hours, that lazy son of a gun. The show was filming from USC’s actual campus for the first time (previous editions were filmed by the football stadium), but it didn’t end up changing our game plan.
We decided to go right for Enemy #1 and positioned ourselves behind Corso. On the wide shot, we could see we were on, but impossible to read.
As always, the key is patience. Eventually, the cameras went to a tight shot and bam:
I had foam board on the back of my sign to help keep its shape. I think Corso was counting on my arms getting tired, but never fear: I’ve been working out.
Everyone kept telling me the sign was going to get taken away, but it never was. I think it’s because the “Sign Police” thought the sign was funny, and Corso liked everyone seeing his sexy legs.
Walking around with this sign was like walking around with an actual famous person. Everyone was looking at it, and everyone was taking its picture. I was probably stopped about forty times by different people requesting a photo (including one of the official show sponsors, cough Cheez It cough), to say nothing of the probably hundreds of people (according to my mom) who just snapped a picture as I strolled by. Was all the attention because the sign was glorious? Or was it simply because everyone was happy to see Corso get his due? I think we all know the answer.
As the show was drawing to an end, we made our way to the back of the crowd and came upon the GameDay bus. We saw the cameras setting up a shot and decided to wait it out.
Let me zoom in for you:
Do you see how close I was to your dressing room, Lee?
All good things must come to an end, and that meant saying goodbye to Mi-Lee. I didn’t want to lug the sign back to my house, but I didn’t want to throw it away. So instead, I left it propped up on a light fixture right outside the GameDay bus…
…right where Corso would see it when he walked back to his dressing area. The sign might have said, “Mi-Lee Corso Twerks For USC,” but its eyes said, “Heather Spohr Was Here.” I knew Corso would see it and understand.
When I reached the roof of the parking structure my car was in, I looked back down at her one more time.
‘Til next year, Corso.