*Interior of a car. Afternoon.*
Me: Are you sleeping back there Annabel?
Annabel: zzzzzz…..zzzzzz….zzzsnortzzzz
Me: Excellent. Now I can listen to my music.
*driving*
Me: I should have gone to the bathroom before we left. Well, we’re almost home. Are you still sleeping, Baby Bell?
Annabel: zzzzzz…..zzzzzz….zzzsnortzzzz
*driving*
Me: Uh…why is it slowing down? It’s two o’clock.
*busy street comes to a standstill*
Me: Crap, I really have to pee now.
Annabel: zzzzzz…..zzzzzz….gah?
Me: Don’t worry Sis-a-bell, we are almost home.
Annabel: AAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH breath WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Me: Holy crap! What the heck! I have never heard you scream so loud!
Annabel: GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! AH AH AH AH AH AH WAAAAAAAH!
Me: OK Hang on, let me lean back there and help you with your pacifier…crap we’re moving! I can totally drive like this right? One hand on the wheel, one hand practically sticking out the back window. I’m SURE this is legal.
Annabel: *muffled* GAH GAH GAH GAH GAH GAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Me: I know baby! But I can’t pull over! We only moved three feet and I am surrounded by cars! You’re gonna have to be a big girl, just like Mommy is about her full bladder!
Annabel: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Me: OK! I know! Let’s sing! 99 bottles of…..juice on the wall, 99 bottles of juice! OK this is bad, let’s turn on the radio.
*flip on radio*
Me: This song is cute! It’s about the Flintstones! Listen!
Radio: Call me Mr. Flintstone, I can make your bed rock.”
Me: OMG. That’s not really OK for you to listen to. Um. Let’s listen to Glee!
Annabel: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! GAAAAAAAAAAAH! BAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Me: Annabel oh my gosh. I am never going to hear police and fire sirens over you! You’re a hazard! Is that a siren? Wait…no, it’s the sound of my brains melting.
Annabel: ah ah ah ah AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Me: Tell me your sob story. It ain’t nothing I haven’t heard before, kid. Baby please please pleeeeeaaaaaase. Mommy cannot do anything right now! We are on an eight lane boulevard! I need you to stop screaming OHMIGAH PLEASE STOP!
Annie:……gah?
Me: YES! YES ANNIE! Thank you for listening to me! You are clearly a genius! Who says you can’t reason with babies? I know this isn’t as exciting as the last time we traveled but I promise this will have a happier ending because I will have a toilet. OH and you will get food!
Annie: ……aaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!
Me: I’m just going to turn the music up because I don’t know what else to do. YAY WE’RE MOVING!
Annie: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAABABABABABABABABABABABABABA!
Me: GET OUT OF MY WAY PEOPLE!
*in garage. Baby is removed from car seat harness of evil*
Me: Do you forgive me baby? Do you love me?
Annabel:
Me: You’re not screaming, so I’ll take that as a yes.
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Seraphim says:
Oh for the lolz! Great post Heather. And the picture of Annie is just blissness (not a word but she really is) xx
Sky in Seattle says:
it is amazing how much like her daddy she looks!
amy says:
That was my first reaction too! A little chubby cheeked Mini Mike Adorable!
Marti from Michigan says:
Cute! That kind of thing used to happen to me when I was babysitting my grandkids when they were babies!
Sweet picture of Annie even after all that wailing.
Nadinsche says:
She looks like the spitting image of Mike in this picture :)!
defendUSA says:
I agree!!
charlane says:
She is all business in that picture! Too cute!
Krissa says:
Yep. Traffic will do that to the best of us. … You look relieved to be home, Annie. You’re a total cutie!
roshan says:
Poor Baby, don’t you cry. We will get back at Mommy, Stewie style.
Catherine Lucas says:
It’s like the phone, pick up the darn thing and the whole house wakes up and wants to have a cry or a hen fight… Murphy’s law on the road.
Sue says:
Gorgeous, gorgeous, picture of Annie,,, dry those tears, baby girl! AND,,,, Heather,,,,,,,,,your post was so funny, and as always,,,,,,,,,,you’re a brilliant writer!! Thanks for all the laughs!
Kate @ UpsideBackwards says:
What on earth possessed you to start singing about bottles of juice, while stuck in a traffic jam and needing a bathroom?!
You are too funny. And this story is tooooo familiar. Why do they always wake up and cry just when you can do least about it? At least she looks suitably forgiving (and penitent) in the photo Hugs to you both!
AmazingGreis says:
I did not think this post was gonna end well! I thought there was definitley gonna be diaper usage, while driving. By you, not her. LOL So glad I was wrong!!!
Lynn from For Love or Funny says:
Aw, Annie! She’s so stinkin’ cute, I can hardly stand it!
Gemini-Girl says:
I love that she is wearing a wife beater.
Katie in WI says:
SO stressful driving with a screaming baby. I always talked and sang loudly too.
Annie is adorable.
tanya says:
I hated being in the car and not able to pull over when Logan was screaming!! Its really stressful without the having-to-go-pee, so must have been real stressful for you!!
Nikki says:
LOL Annie is totally wondering why you’re taking pictures of her with a full bladder. The look on her face totally screams I’ll laugh if you pee on yourself.
Total cutie & Mike’s look-a-like!
XOXO from GA,
Nikki
Sara says:
When my daughter was a baby, every car trip was like that until she was forward facing.
Shirley says:
Oh my goodness those cheeks are adorable!!!
Robin says:
I’m glad to hear Annie forgave you! The same thing has happened with my daughter in the car. It must be THE single most stressful situation in the WORLD!
Barnmaven says:
I love how you can still see a little bit of tear glistening below her eye, yet she’s got this faintest hint of a Mona Lisa smile going on.
Crying babies in cars are not for the faint of heart. Congratulations on making it through to tell the tale!
Lisa says:
Great post, made me giggle. It always seems that babies cry in the car the minute there is no way we can pull over, reach back there, do anything to help them. It’s almost like they know and they are just testing us. I’m glad your trip ended with a lovely Annabel smile
Meg...CT says:
Look at those pathetic tear-stained eyes…poor little pumpkin. Good thing babies are so forgiving of us!
Java says:
Haha…I loved the Flinestone part!
Kaley says:
She totally does look like Mike in this pic!
I hate that stupid Flintstone song. My 5 year old niece was singing that recently and I almost fainted.
Tracey says:
My 8 y/o daughter loves to sing “Save a Horse Ride a Cowboy” She even requested it for their school dance. That had her teacher almost peeing her pants laughing.
Thank God she does not understand what it really means!!!!
Mary @ Holy Mackerel says:
Oh yeah, the baby screaming in the car and there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it. So fun. I miss those days SO MUCH. Not.
shelley says:
cutest. kid. ever. Makes me smile every morning.
mel says:
OMG baby cries AND a full bladder! she is so cuuuute!
Kim says:
No time, just wanted to say I SO know that conversation. I have had it MANY times, mostly with Libby.
GAH!
Glad she still loves you
Deborah says:
Aww, those sweet little lips and tear-stained eyes! And those chubby little cheeks! She obviously loves you, yo!
(((hugs)))
MamaCas says:
Yep. I’ve been there.
Lamb says:
She’s still such a total cutie, even after you’ve revealed her car alarm-like secrets!
Damn. Now that song is stuck in my head.
cindy w says:
Oh man, I’ve so been there. One hand on the wheel, the other arm basically dislocated from trying to reach back and console the baby in the rear-facing car seat that “it’s ok, Mommy is still right here!” Ugh. Glad you survived without an aneurysm.
Michelle says:
Okay, this post, the hair post, and the mom post were all hilarious!! I love your sense of humor!! Annie is just so darn cute, too!
Camie says:
Aw, the glistening tears (and the chub!). The car ride. . . I think you said it all.
Terri says:
Ohhhhh poor Annie, look at her little tears!!! I have a feeling she will learn how to use her cuteness and tears to get what she wants asap! She is so adorable!!
Oh yeah.. poor Mommy too.. hope you made it to the potty in time!
Trisha Vargas says:
Oh, those big tears are breaking my heart, so I am sure they worked a number on you Heather.
She’s too cute for words!!
(((HUGS))) from Florida
Krista says:
OMG, girl, I’ve totally been there (last week, I think)! Thanks for the early morning laugh…
preTzel says:
Baby tears just melt my heart. She is getting cuter each day.
Kristi says:
Hilarious post! I can relate to that. There happened to be a pic of Maddie cycling through under your Mamarazzi heading that looked so similar to the picture of Annie that you posted. I saw a strong resemblance. Sometimes, I see the resemblance more than others.
Natalie @ Hope Springs Eternal says:
I have done the “one hand on the wheel while stretched halfway into the backseat fumbling for a pacifier” maneuver many times. Once I find the paci, then I am groping my poor kid all over her face searching for her mouth and she’s screaming and I’m freaking and I probably look like a crazy person.
Bonnie says:
I remember those days so well (they weren’t that long ago, actually) I really did think my brain was going to melt. MY hubby couldn’t understand why that whole scenario made me want to claw my skin off and plow through all the cars in front of me to get somewhere, ANYWHERE, so I could stop and make the screaming stop too! Thanks for bringing back memories of the good times!
Sarah says:
OMG thank you Heather for the great post, you just made my bad morning worth while, because now I am lmao. Sorry it was at your expense, but thank you thank you.
xoxo
sarah
Michelle W says:
Funny post, could soooo relate. My kids both detested car rides so there was plenty of that. Wasn’t so funny at the time but funny here I also sympathized.
*I love your hair in your previous post but couldn’t add that to the comments section after I already posted!
Michele Wallace says:
Your hair looks totally awesome, that’s what I need I have a tiny bit of kink/curl to mine so straightening products are a must. Most importantly your little Annabel is ADORABLE!
Michele Wallace says:
Awesome site! I want one of their dryers, a CTC styling brush, the Deepshine Conditioner, and the Designer Collection Styling set!! Wish me luck
Stephanie Morgenstern says:
Great suggestion next time that happens: Open the window and if necessary, make the window go up and down. Works every time!! P.S. Priceless picture!
Kate says:
Oh my goodness, my toddler used to do this all the time! I was literally cracking up because it sounded like me when my son was younger! I really love that you put that out there for all of us other moms, it lets me know I am not alone haha.
Glenda says:
ADORABLE!!! Annabel is getting so big!
Laurie SL says:
Oh what a cutie pie! I know, those moments are hard, all you can do sometimes is turn up the music to distract them or talk to them. Annabel is so adorable!!! Those precious little tears, oh!
Julia B says:
That picture is ridculously adorable! She is getting so big!
Laura says:
Ohhhhh poor Mommy and poor Annabel! She does NOT hate you- babies just know that when traffic comes to a stop and Mommy absolutely cannot pull over is the best time to cry their little lungs out so they can gets lots and lots of extra cuddles when they finally do get to be freed from their car seats.
You are such a good mama!!!! And you make the most stunning baby girls in the whole world!
Shalini says:
Once again, your writing totally cracks me up Heather! Do you have any plans to write a book on parenting? I can’t imagine anyone who would be a better author than you– funny and deeply inspirational.
Loukia says:
Oh man I’ve had countless numbers of car rides like that. It’s HORRIBLE man, horrible. By the way. She is the cutest thing EVER. OMG.
Nicole says:
Poor Annie! She is still so stinkin cute even with all the tears. Luckily all three of my kids enjoy car rides.
Eddie Sexton says:
You’ve done it once more. Great writing.
Rebecca says:
Those are some big ole kissable cheeks!
Coleman Courtney says:
Incredibly awesome read. Truely!
Ray says:
“Radio: Call me Mr. Flintstone, I can make your bed rock.”
^^LOL!
And poor little Annabel! =P
Jen says:
I love the pic It’s a combination of “How could you leave me there, screaming???” and “OMG, OMG, OMG, I love you! You saved me!” So adorable!
My Lily went through a phase from ~ 2 months until last week (4 months) of screaming, sobbing and generally freaking the *bleep* out any time you put her in the car. I could take her out, in her seat, and she’d stop. Put her in her spot, screams. Horrible.
I have a 6 year old who is in kindergarden, and we moved, in March, 20 minutes away from her school. It was like twice a day, 40 min. to hour long self induced torture!
Fortunately, she now ony cries sometimes. *runs to find some wood :S*
Lindsay from Florida says:
Hilarious post. And the nickname “Baby Bell” is adorable beyond words.
Caroline says:
Mom’s have the most patience in the world… I admire you all so much.
stuckinmypedals says:
I recently took a roadtrip that happened to include a cat. It howled and peed and did other nefarious deeds the entire seven hours. Not sure which is worse, but your girl is definitely infinite times cuter than the cat.
Evonne says:
I am only laughing because this is how EVERY SINGLE ONE OF OUR CAR RIDES IS with our new baby. He HATES his car seat. I tried rolling down the windows hoping maybe a cool breeze might help, it just ended up making people rubber neck wondering what the heck I was doing to him. aaah, poor babies.
Dawn says:
Been there SOOOOO many times!
Glad you made it (without peeing yourself :*0 )
Alexandra says:
OMG the Pro Elements…I would give my left arm….okay maybe not an appendage but I want it…..
BTW, absolutely amazing hair!
nami says:
oh boy, do i feel your pain! what’s even worse is when hubby’s driving, and you’re sitting right next to your lil’ one as she’s staring at you CRYING her eyes out, wondering why you’re just staring back at her and NOT rescuing her from the carseat!! i’ve gone so far as breastfed her as she was IN her carseat and i was still strapped in my seatbelt while my hubby was driving on the 5. i had my hooter hider wrapped around me, but i’m sure fellow drivers wondered what was going on with the contorted woman hunched over a carseat!!! u do what u gotta do!
annabel is too cute!!! i’m so glad they’re so forgiving. u rescue them from their carseat, and you’re the hero once again. LOVE IT!! :O)
wallydraigle says:
I’ve commented maybe once before. I like to lurk. BUT! I just had to say that she is maybe the cutest baby I have ever seen. And I have two of my own that I am nuts about, one of whom is just a few days younger than Annie. Every picture of her just slays me.
chandan says:
I never bear the crying of baby, it is very heart beating for me.
Beth and Melinda says:
sounds like some of my conversations
Steph says:
I hate those car rides. Nothing you can do to help them and you wonder if there’s broken glass in their car seat but you don’t dare stop in the middle of the road to check!!
They usually happen to me when I have to pee too!!
She’s such a doll!!
Ashley says:
Ok, so I’m going to let you in on a secret. It’s golden and I’m totally not even kidding. Our oldest daughter was a crier. Not a colicky baby, but every day at 7pm she’d cry for an hour (this was a 6 month battle), she’d finish her stint and her father and I would collapse exhausted onto the couch. She also HATED the care intitally. Until we discovered gold…
If we played Rascal Flatt’s Life is a Highway, by the chorus the cries would stop and by the end she was asleep. Every. Single. Time. It didn’t matter what the problem after that, until she was 19 months old that was our sleep inducer.
We chalked it up to my love of repeating a favorite song until it’s burned a hole in my head (or I learn to hate it) during my pregnancy with her. When I was prego with our second daughter I did not listen to that song, I was sick of it.
And yet, it too worked wonders when she cried. It also works with my neice and a handful of other friends. We’ve yet to find someone that the “magic” didn’t work on. Download it if you don’t already have it and give it a whoorl, it’s ah-mazing!
Good luck!
Ashley says:
oops not the care, the “car” hate the car loved our care!
Maile says:
I had one of those drives the other day. My ears are still ringing. It’s just great how they can scream bloody murder and then you unbuckle them and they kinda take a deep breath and blink their teary eyes at you and you know they are totally thinking “Oh hai!”
Also, I totally call Isabel Baby Bell.
Valeria says:
I had one of those drives the other day. My ears are still ringing. It’s just great how they can scream bloody murder and then you unbuckle them and they kinda take a deep breath and blink their teary eyes at you and you know they are totally thinking “Oh hai!”
Also, I totally call Isabel Baby Bell.