*Interior of a car. Afternoon.*
Me: Are you sleeping back there Annabel?
Me: Excellent. Now I can listen to my music.
Me: I should have gone to the bathroom before we left. Well, we’re almost home. Are you still sleeping, Baby Bell?
Me: Uh…why is it slowing down? It’s two o’clock.
*busy street comes to a standstill*
Me: Crap, I really have to pee now.
Me: Don’t worry Sis-a-bell, we are almost home.
Annabel: AAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH breath WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Me: Holy crap! What the heck! I have never heard you scream so loud!
Annabel: GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! AH AH AH AH AH AH WAAAAAAAH!
Me: OK Hang on, let me lean back there and help you with your pacifier…crap we’re moving! I can totally drive like this right? One hand on the wheel, one hand practically sticking out the back window. I’m SURE this is legal.
Annabel: *muffled* GAH GAH GAH GAH GAH GAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Me: I know baby! But I can’t pull over! We only moved three feet and I am surrounded by cars! You’re gonna have to be a big girl, just like Mommy is about her full bladder!
Me: OK! I know! Let’s sing! 99 bottles of…..juice on the wall, 99 bottles of juice! OK this is bad, let’s turn on the radio.
*flip on radio*
Me: This song is cute! It’s about the Flintstones! Listen!
Radio: Call me Mr. Flintstone, I can make your bed rock.”
Me: OMG. That’s not really OK for you to listen to. Um. Let’s listen to Glee!
Annabel: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! GAAAAAAAAAAAH! BAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Me: Annabel oh my gosh. I am never going to hear police and fire sirens over you! You’re a hazard! Is that a siren? Wait…no, it’s the sound of my brains melting.
Annabel: ah ah ah ah AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Me: Tell me your sob story. It ain’t nothing I haven’t heard before, kid. Baby please please pleeeeeaaaaaase. Mommy cannot do anything right now! We are on an eight lane boulevard! I need you to stop screaming OHMIGAH PLEASE STOP!
Me: YES! YES ANNIE! Thank you for listening to me! You are clearly a genius! Who says you can’t reason with babies? I know this isn’t as exciting as the last time we traveled but I promise this will have a happier ending because I will have a toilet. OH and you will get food!
Me: I’m just going to turn the music up because I don’t know what else to do. YAY WE’RE MOVING!
Me: GET OUT OF MY WAY PEOPLE!
*in garage. Baby is removed from car seat harness of evil*
Me: Do you forgive me baby? Do you love me?
Me: You’re not screaming, so I’ll take that as a yes.
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