It’s like a horror movie around here. Two days ago, I got a paper cut. Yesterday, I cut open my finger when I was opening the packaging on a new toy for Maddie – that terrible plastic stuff that you need a freaking hacksaw to break through. Today, I cut my thumb wide open opening up a box that contained a night light for Maddie. Today’s cut was pretty bad. Before I even looked at my thumb, I knew it was going to be a bad cut. That’s how much it hurt. And of course we didn’t have any bandages in the house. So I was running around in my kitchen with my right arm above my head – blood dripping all the way down my arm – with a paper towel wrapped around my thumb all tight like a tourniquet. It’s a good-sized cut. I probably needed stitches. But going to the ER to get a couple stitches didn’t sound super-fun, especially since I had Maddie with me. And I’m boycotting ERs. Plus I have this thing about stitches. Just the idea completely repulses me. The same with staples. There was a girl in my glass that once shot a couple staples in her arm to get out of a test. It worked. So how is it that staples in your body can be okay? Glue held my C-Section together. Seriously. In fact, if I don’t find a new OB that uses skin glue, Maddie can kiss a sibling goodbye. I’m not joking!
What the hell am I talking about? I’ve lost so much blood.
While I was running around my kitchen bleeding, Maddie was crawling all around me shrieking and laughing. The kid was down right maniacal. She is getting to be a SHRIEKER. I don’t know how I feel about this. Oh wait, yes I do. I hate it. She also laughs when I say, “NO!” It’s annoyingly cute. She is really close to walking. When she can walk, it’s over. People will fall at her feet, dead from an acute case of adorable-itis. She’s barely two feet tall. She LITERALLY still wears newborn size pants (the girl is all torso – she gets that from me). And she is about to walk. I can’t wait to take her out in public and freak people out. I’ll charge people a dollar to get their picture taken with the walking newborn. It’s genius.
Also, I just want the record to show that I was using scissors when I cut my fingers open. Mike says I need safety scissors now. I want to argue but he’s probably right. I now have a prety purple band aid on my finger. Some say it’s because Mike is really caring and didn’t want my gaping wound to get infected. Others say it’s because I whined so much that he had to get out of the house. I guess we’ll never know the real reason.
It’s Friday! That means I have some videos for you. I remembered the videos just in time, as it’s hard to type with a purple band aid and a giant wad of paper towels around your fingers. Also, the blood.
Here is Maddie screaming and walking. ALL SHE DOES IS SCREAM. Mai ears, dey hurts.
My cleavage is a little intense in that video. You know you’re totally going to go back and watch it again now. It’s ok. I won’t tell.
Here she is playing with Mike. STILL SCREAMING.
The blood is coming from my thumb AND my ears now. Time to call 911.
Ms. Moon says:
Oh, that child.
Hey! I keep some of that liquid bandage on hand (I think it’s actually super glue) for cuts that probably should be stitched but hey! the ER? Nah. It works very well.
GIRL!! Between your cleavage and mine we should be GOLDEN for a good drinkfest, no?
Step 1. Take the razor blades out of Maddie’s feet. Christjesusonabiscuit, stop making her walk!!
And Mike? I love him and don’t even know him because anyone who makes Maddie grab her skull to keep it from popping off in glee is A-OK in my book.
Anissa@hope4peytons last blog post..Never thought I’d quote the Rolling Stones, but they got that want/need thing right
I love how she sits there anticipating it.
What a cutie pie!
Last night I cut my toe on some glass. Just one of those days.
Amys last blog post..Happy Birthday to Me!
Too freaking cute.
My daughter laughs at me when I say “NO” too
Lisas last blog post..Octuplets Born in California
Anna Marie Hinnant says:
Ohmigod I am going to keel over and DIE from the cuteness. Nom nom nom…
So, so cute!
You could totally supplement your income by charging a dollar to see the walking newborn! Must see!
Kristabellas last blog post..House Hunting = EPIC STRESS
It’s going to be so hilarious to see how people react when she starts walking. The cleaning crew at Brent’s office has a tiny baby who was walking at like 8-9 months. Scared the bejeezus out of Brent when she walked into his office.
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i’m thinking that mike has something to do with her screaming. hahah
she’s WAY too cute.
and my cleavage is totally jealous of yours.
alis last blog post..the difference between #1 and #2 (and we are not talking about my bathroom habits) (y’all are gross)
I’d pay a dollar.
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Heath, sorry I have been freaking MIA for freaking EVER. Sorry to hear about all the blood and gore. I hate cutting my hands, seems like they take the longest to heal. Dood I would TOTALLY pay $5 to see the walking newborn. Totally awesome!
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Jane Who says:
I love your intense cleavage! I’ve been showing mine lately, only because some accidentally slipped out one day, and my husband told me hours later how he liked it, and I was surprisingly proud of it! I’m usually so much more… demure.
Keep up the hilarity!
moosh in indy. says:
I’ll try and keep the screaming to a minimum on Thursday.
Also the moosh has some safety scissors you can borrow.
And third? You really don’t want that kid to walk yet. IT’S ALL OVER ONCE THEY FIGURE IT OUT.
moosh in indy.s last blog post..The 36? denial.
You evil woman. You tease and tempt me with promises of cleavage, yet I cannot view videos on my stupid phone.
Good thing you’ve got two thumbs. I’d hate to have to read this post without any spaces between the words.
A nice alternative to stitches is this: http://www.newskinproducts.com/ or this: http://www.dermabond.com/
Dylan was excited to see Maddie…until he saw Rigby. Now he wants me to “Ask Heather if she can come to my house one day.” So…can she?
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