I’ve made a lot of bad decisions in my life: Driving too fast near the police academy, the times I chose to anything else instead of my homework, or when I ran up thousand dollars of credit card debt when I lived in New York City (just to name a few). But those are boring. I want to talk about the really dumb life decisions. Like the stupidest thing I ever did to my eyebrows.
I had somewhat-thick eyebrows when I was a kid/teen.
In high school a friend took me under her wing to teach me about makeup. At one point she gently suggested I pluck my eyebrows, but I was uninterested because it hurt. I went to college with my little caterpillars, and there my roommate was like, “Roommate…we have to do something about your brows.” Then what felt like the entire floor of the dorm descended on me with tweezers. Still, the results were great…and I literally let those girls pluck my eyebrows the entire year.
Sophomore year I came back with insanely overgrown eyebrows, and I no longer lived with any of my Freshman Year Aestheticians. But see, I was cocky. I was like, “I got this.” I grabbed some tweezers, walked to the bathroom, and started plucking…and plucking…and I was like, “What is this whole section here? I don’t need this.” I literally removed the outer half of my eyebrows.
There are no photos of me from this dark time, but I have created a dramatic reenactment for you.
This is just a tribute.
When I was done, I walked back toward my room. Jackie! was walking in the opposite direction, and when she saw me, she grabbed my shoulders and said, “OH MY GOD WHO DID THIS TO YOU?”
My tweezers were taken away. Growing back eyebrows? NOT FUN. Sixteen years later, my eyebrows still haven’t fully recovered, but now I only let professionals touch them.