When I was a little kid, I shared a room with my brother. I’m pretty sure it’s the law that twins have to share a room for the first few years of life. After I got my own room, I still spent most nights in my old twin bed in my brother’s room. It was much more fun to lay in there talking late than be in my own room, alone. My brother and I would stare at the ceiling and make up stories. Whenever we’d get stumped on what to do with our characters I’d say, “Come ON, Kyle. You’re the writer!”
My brother (and Mike, for that matter) were both screenwriting majors in college, which means they watched movies all day and made up stories all night and got graded on it. I, on the other hand, majored in “what’s gonna get me outta here the fastest,” (Communication) (in three and a half years). Which is all well and good, but now my brother and Mike get paid to write, and I’m not getting paid to communicate, so clearly I did it wrong.
When I meet new people, one of the typical questions I’m asked is what I do for a living. I always say I’m a mom, but the rest of my answer depends on who is asking. If I am going to be seeing someone more than once (like a physical therapist, for example) it’s sometimes nice to have a little bit of space. So, the general answer I give is “writer.” Inevitably this leads to the question, “what kind of writing?” I suppose I could say, “I write a blog on the internet, about sad stuff and my adventures with menstruation.” But when I want that space, I say “oh, parenting topics,” or when I want to be confusing I say, “non-fiction.” I love watching people’s faces after I say that one.
Why am I vague? Because I don’t always want to invite people to look into my life. I know it seems weird since countless strangers do it online every day. But when I have to deal with someone on a regular in-person basis, I feel like I have to protect myself. I don’t always want to be labeled as the mother with the dead child. It’s sometimes nice to escape my reality for a little while. One of the times I went to Labor and Delivery during Annabel’s pregnancy, a nurse came into my room after I’d been there about an hour and said, “Oh my gosh, I just googled you and found your blog! I am soooo sorry about your daughter.” And while that was nice, everything changed after that. Lots of hushed discussion at the door and sad clown faces.
At least that nurse told me what she did. I think I prefer that to the people who google but say nothing.
I am absolutely not ashamed of my blog. In fact, I am exceedingly proud of it. But I definitely strike a careful balance with half truths and omissions. Is it worth it? I think it is….most of the time.
It’s funny how online, I tell real stories, and in real life, I make up stories. I guess I really am a writer.
Kate @ UpsideBackwards says:
It’s strange how we compartmentalise our lives, sometimes, isn’t it? Interesting that you are more able to “escape your reality” in real life, rather than online, where every word is remembered forever. I’m sure you’re not alone in that!
I find it a bit odd that the nurse would google you though – does she do it for every patient?!
And of course you really are a writer. You are a powerful, moving, and funny writer – that’s why we keep coming back! (that, and cute pics of your beautiful girls)
Love and hugs!
.-= Kate @ UpsideBackwards´s last blog ..All better =-.
Lynn from For Love or Funny says:
I find myself doing the same thing. To people I run into often, I tell them I’m a writer and they’re usually okay with that.
.-= Lynn from For Love or Funny´s last blog ..The true face of beauty =-.
Krissa says:
While reading this post I remembered reading on Mike’s blog that he has people in his life who aren’t aware of what the two of you have been through. I don’t have kids so I can never totally know what you have been through, but I think it’s good that you and Mike have people who are in your lives who don’t know everything. That must be freaky to have people google you like that. But I agree with what you wrote, if it were me, I’d far rather know they did that than not know. .. Thinking of your writing, I’ll have to check out Aiming Low again. It’s been a long time since I went there. And Blog Nosh. You’re definitely a naturally gifted writer – no classes required.
Karen says:
Sometimes ignorance is bliss. I’m sure it’s a relief to not always have to explain the horrendous. To be able to step outside of that grief now and then is a necessary survival tactic.
You are a writer, and a damn good one at that.
Veronika says:
You are a brilliant writer and I enjoy reading all your posts. I get how you want to keep some things to yourself in real life. There are some things I share better online with strangers than IRL too.
Jamie says:
I read your blog daily and appreciate your honesty even about some of the less “nice” things in life.
coloradolady says:
I for one, think that was weird of that nurse to do that, and then come in and say that. Why in the world did she feel the need to google you in the first place….weird to me for sure…..
I’d share more of my life if my family did not read my blog…believe me!
.-= coloradolady´s last blog ..Vintage Thingies Thursday: It’s In The Bag….Vintage Handbags =-.
Sue says:
I, too, totally agree. Seems like someone must have told her about Maddie, but didn’t she have other things to attend to, at that moment, rather than to google you. I would think she could have waited for a more appropriate time to give you her condolences. AND,,,,,,yes; you are a terrific writer, Heather, and we enjoy reading every single word. It’s your life, and as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone; you should feel free to tell anybody anything that feels right,for you, and suits you at the moment.
Beth says:
that’s just what I was thinking about the nurse! Geez!
You are an AMAZING writer, by the way! =)
MamaCas says:
SAME HERE! Why on earth would a nurse be googling her patients?! That’s actually worthy of a call to her supervisor, in my opinion. Totally unprofessional.
Mary Ann says:
You are an amazing writer. I could not imagine starting my day without logging onto your blog. You are an inspiration!
eliza says:
you are brilliant as the poster above said. And I suspect you won’t always be an unpaid writer. I’ve said this before but I see a book in your future. One day, if you’re ready, I hope you’ll think about that.
Leigh says:
You sure are a writer. Your blog is one of the best if not the best blog I read.
On a side note – it’s weird that the nurse googled you isn’t it? Is that standard protocol when a patient is admitted? Name, dob, insurance information….and google results?
Antonia says:
Of course you are a writer! You write beautifully and movingly. I’m always amazed by your honesty, your eloquence and your courage. Reading your blog is one of the highlights of my day, even when you make me cry. Thank you for sharing.
Jo says:
Yes, I so get this. I’m a classical musician and if I tell people what I do, they either think I sit underneath a subway tunnel with a violin, or they say they’ve never heard of me, or they expect me to be some kind of international superstar. Sometimes I just tell people I’m an accountant. Half truths and omissions are important sometimes. They protect you and also just make life so much easier. I think saying you’re a writer of parenting topics is completely true though, and a great way to draw that line.
Erica says:
Hi Heather,
I also think its rather strange that the nurse did a google search on you but at least she was honest with you and told you. You are indeed a writer. You are a fantastic writer and have real talent.
I too can see a book one day, when you are ready.
Thank you for sharing all that you do with your readers, its always an honour for me to read your posts.
Love Erica
Liz says:
I keep my blog almost totally separate from my real life. Very few people I interact with (even friends) know where I write. I don’t link to anything, don’t show it on twitter…it is easier to vocalize my true darkness into a space where I don’t have to face readers daily.
I would never share my blog with my parents or in-laws. My sister did find it once, before she died, and I had to stop writing there after that. I just couldn’t say anything knowing she was reading since most of it was about her anyway…her treatment, sickness, my sadness, etc.
I’m glad you share here. Thanks.
.-= Liz´s last blog ..Stuff =-.
Jen at Cabin Fever says:
I agree. Talking in depth in person, especially to someone you just must, about everything you write on your blog is totally different. There is a definite bridge between the google/blog world and the real world.
Cabin Fever in Vermont
.-= Jen at Cabin Fever´s last blog ..You Know You’re From a Small Town When… =-.
Lori says:
I know what that is like. We met a new couple in church last week who asked us how many kids we have and I said 2 and moved on. I still get really anxious when someone asks me how I am (and I know they don’t know) and try to give the shortest answer possible.
.-= Lori´s last blog ..Isn’t She Lovely? =-.
Kelly says:
Non fiction… must stop everyone in their tracks…and keep them guessing. They probably think you write some kind of scientific something or another with that answer! Good job!
.-= Kelly´s last blog ..The Owl has Landed. =-.
Kristen says:
I think you are an amazing writer! And I am so grateful that you have kept on writing. I can totally understand how you want to keep your blog private from certain people, and that you only share what you feel you can.
On an unrelated topic…have you noticed how much purple is showing up on TV? I watched taped episodes of Lost, Modern Family and Tosh.0 (if you haven’t watched it you have to-it is hilarious!) just to name a few, and I couldn’t believe how so many actors were wearing purple. I think Maddie must be creating a fashion trend from afar!
I love walking around and seeing purple blooming everywhere!
designHer Momma says:
The last sentence of the post – it really rings true for me. I find blogging is such a “gray” area (Like do I really want to introduce myself as someone who writes about herself on the internet?)
I keep introducing myself as an Interior designer – something I do part-part-part-part time at this point. It’s just easier to sidestep the truth.
love you!
~emily
.-= designHer Momma´s last blog ..It’s a Guessing Game! =-.
Marinka says:
I like to say that I’m an astranat. Astranut? You know, those people who go into space, but aren’t necessarily great spellers.
.-= Marinka´s last blog ..Papa Explains the Heist =-.
Melissa says:
I do the same thing. There are times I don’t want to talk about my husband having cancer and all that goes along with that.
.-= Melissa´s last blog ..You Capture–Sweet =-.
Cristie says:
“sad stuff and my adventures with menstruation”. I know I should be focusing on what a beautiful piece this is and how it will resonate with so many. (It is beautifully written BTW-don’t look now but you are a writer.:)
But really all I can focus on is that one sentence because it is made me laugh out loud which is a good way to start the day. Thanks for all of it-fiction and non.
.-= Cristie´s last blog ..Green Meanie =-.
Megan says:
You are a writer and a good one. You should be very proud of your blog. I have to say I am the same though. Not everyone in my life knows I blog cause for me it sometimes seems a little silly but I love to do it.
.-= Megan´s last blog ..Bad man Ben Roethlisberger gets 6 games =-.
cindy w says:
That’s funny. I got my degree in journalism, then went into IT when I found out that writers make no money. (I was offered a job as a newspaper reporter right after college. The starting salary was less than I was already making as a secretary.)
I can’t imagine talking about my blog with people I meet in everyday life. That would just feel weird to me.
.-= cindy w´s last blog ..My Patella-ella-ella =-.
Karen Chatters says:
I think it’s completely understandable. I don’t tell people about it and when, inevitably, someone tells them about my blog, the reaction is, “Oh, isn’t that so cute.” Or something like that. But sometimes you don’t want people all in your business and if they are in your business, you’d rather not know.
.-= Karen Chatters´s last blog ..Fun with Photo Booth (or Wordless Wednesday) =-.
Lisa says:
I can totally understand why you don’t want to share the whole truth with every person you encounter in our “in-person” life. I do the same thing.
.-= Lisa´s last blog ..Navigating the Grocery Store =-.
Jamie says:
Just a regular reader here and had to say that two days ago I had a dream that you and Mike and Annabel moved in next door. I was so excited to have a new mommy friend. Then I panicked…I knew too much about you and you knew nothing about me. I marched over, introduced myself, told you I knew your blog and then started spewing all kinds of facts about myself to even things out. “My Junior High period nightmare was luckily concealed by wearing Jams!” “I’m secretly still nursing my 15 month old even though I tell people she’s weaned!”
Nikki says:
There’s something about the innernets that allow you and me and people in general to share. I, myself, get a bit spooked by real people so I don’t necessarily share everything either.
You’re an amazing writer!
XOXO from GA,
Nikki
Ms. Moon says:
I do the same damn thing. Weird.
.-= Ms. Moon´s last blog ..Growing =-.
Jenn says:
Good Morning Sweetheart,
When I first read your Blog today, I HAD to smile b/c like it or not honet, you are 100% a WRITER and I for one am so glad you are!!!
I do understand about wanting to be separate from your blog at times and not always wanted to be known as the mom who’s baby passed away.
I feel the same way with my illness and especially with how hard it is on me. Actually, you and Mike are few of the very few people who know ANYTHING I go through. I always get the same reactions…1) The Pity Look. 2) 101 Questions or 3) The “my cousin has that but she drank dirty potato water and now, she is all better – you should try it. (Totally True Story).
I’ve always wanted to start a blog but I don’t think I would be over good at it. I think people would be so bored. Yours is so fun, interesting, so raw at times and you have the BEST followers.
I hope you keep this Blog up b/c U can tell you & Mike (Annie & Maddie), there have been times you have “saved” me and I will be forever thankful for that. THANK YOU!
Your Blog & LIfe Friend,
Jenn
Michelle Pixie says:
I have to say I am the same way as well. In my daily life I am perfectly fine being snuggled in my little nest and am not much of a sharer.
.-= Michelle Pixie´s last blog ..Selling The Kids To The Gypsies =-.
Just Jiff says:
I always wonder how it must feel to have your emotions, stories, and secrets be on the internet for all to read and then have to face people in real life who read your blog. You handle everything with such dignity and grace, but I imagine you need your down time jand space ust like anyone else.
I read your blog daily and if I were to meet you in real life, I would have to hug you and hope that you don’t think I’m weird for wanting to hang out with you!
.-= Just Jiff´s last blog ..Five Question Friday. =-.
Krista says:
I think you’ve hit the nail on the head; it’s important as a writer to maintain a certain distance between what you write and the people who know you in person — especially with blogging about topics as personal and painful as those you address here. It gives you a place for self-expression and feedback, but allows you to not have to be immersed in that conversation at all times.
Jen Deaux says:
I tell people I’m a household engineer. Sounds more fitting of the job then “stay at home mom” or the 1950’s “housewife”.
maya says:
You truly are a writer. Just because you didnt “major” in it means nothing. You have a writers soul. That’s what keep people coming back to this space every day. Loves ya.
.-= maya´s last blog ..Comedy of Errors =-.
Tammy says:
Heather,
Yep, you’re a writer…and a darn good one. I love your writing style. It is so “conversational” and inviting. You make everyone who reads you feel like they know and care about you and your family.
That said, you are also a photographer. And I haven’t seen a picture of one of your beautiful babies in two whole posts. I think that’s long enough, eh?
(chanting for baby pics)
Trisha Vargas says:
I usually don’t google people I meet, that was a little odd of the nurse to do, in my humble opinion anyway.
Your writing is a gift. I thank you for sharing it with me.
(((HUGS))) from Florida
Kandi Ann says:
Same here. Not usually. I had one nurse, she was such an odd girl that I did end up googling her, BUT I don’t google people I know or meet, never even think of it, the ONLY thing I found on her was an obit she had signed for a youngish (maybe 50?) woman she cared for that died in her care. Yeah, I fired her. Oy.
Karen says:
You are a very talented prosaic and poetic writer. You are well spoken and write from the heart smoothly and earnestly.
What you share with us is always up to you as is how you do it and what you choose to do with it. You own it.
On the blog you share with us different aspects of yourself so we see not just the mom who lost a child,
or the lady with evil periods
What you wrote and the way you wrote it today also makes me think of the line between a professional relationship and a personal one, and of personal boundaries.
Those lines fold over one another and cross often in life and it can be complicated to keep them from completely meshing.
Not 10 minutes ago I was in bed in my pj’s massaging my nekkid husband’s back (clean I promise!) and thinking of how I can separate the sexual from the clinical even with him when he needs a good massage and yet how I don’t feel comfortable with massaging close friends and family because it is just too intimate and crosses that skin barrier that normally isn’t crossed with those people. Massaging strangers is fine because it is totally professional.
.-= Karen´s last blog ..As advertised by RudeCactus… Come and delurk if you should visit =-.
Karen says:
ps- I meant to add that while you share all of this with us you don’t see most of us every day or often at all.
It makes sense that you would want to feel in control and be knowledgable of how much deep sensitive personal stuff people know about you when you meet them, and in certain circumstances you are more comfortable being just Heather as she is right now.
.-= Karen´s last blog ..As advertised by RudeCactus… Come and delurk if you should visit =-.
Clemmiesmom says:
I’ve always thought it is very rude for people to ask new acquaintances what they do for a living. It’s a blatant attempt to determine where people stand on the social scale.
I get a much different reaction when I tell people I’m a lawyer (which I am) than if I were to say I work at W*al-Mart.
That should be the case. I’m the same person no natter how I earn my daily bread.
If I’m asked what I do I sometimes feign ignorance and ask, “In what circumstance?”
Mary says:
Ha! I like that! “In what circumstance?” Classic
.-= Mary´s last blog ..Ma Compagne Ininterrompu… =-.
Superkitty says:
Maybe it’s odd, but I’ve never thought of you as “the mother of a dead child”. As long as I’ve read, you were Maddie’s mom, now you’re Annabel and Maddie’s mom. I guess it’s different if you’re just being introduced to people, though. The only criteria for a writer is writing, so you’re just as much a legitimate writer as Mike is, just in a different genre.
Diana says:
I love this so much! You have no idea! I plan on stealing the “non-fiction” even though I am not a writer. I just like it that much. Maybe I will just say… I work in non-fiction and leave it at that.
Early in my career I worked on Wheel of Fortune when it was insanely popular (everywhere but here) and I traveled for the show. If I was on a plane, stuck next to a gabber, I’d always say “student” or “secretary” when they asked the inevitable question just to shut them up!
BTW, I love your blog so much. I have said it before but you are a wonderful writer…and btw, I don’t have the sad clown face when I say that.
Jen says:
I don’t think it’s weird. I do the same thing.
c.c. says:
that nurse is an idiot. i’d’ve told her off, especially about that hushed conversation at the door. which means you’re a much, much nicer person than me. :] but yeah, i can see how it’s better to be told you’d been googled. at least they can own up to that.
i think your blog is wonderful.
.-= c.c.´s last blog ..n is for neopolitan =-.
amanda says:
Most people I know personally do not know about my blog. I have no idea why I am more comfortable with strangers reading…like you, I guess I don’t like people I see all the time know about the minute details of my life. I’ve been toying with the idea of posting a link on Facebook and see what happens – but I haven’t gotten up the courage yet. Maybe someday…
xo from CT,
Amanda
Molly says:
Keep writing! I am a part-time mom/part-time writer so if anybody asks, I say, “freelance writer.”
Molly says:
oh, by part-time mom, I meant my kid goes to preschool–not that I only have her on weekends or something, ha ha. I just meant that I am not in the SAHM trenches full-time.
Kristin says:
You definitely are a writer and a very talented one at that.
Lori says:
Heather,
I have been a reader of your blog for some time now, but haven’t commented. I have two daughters, 2 and 4 years and my heart just breaks for what you, Mike and Annie have been through.
I can’t believe that a nurse would have googled you! I imagine that someone mentioned what happened and told her to google you to read about the whole story, but come on, do it at home not minutes before walking into your room and telling you about it. But at the same time, I have done and said stupid things before, so I can understand saying something and regretting it afterwards.
Your daugthers are beautiful and you are a wonderful write and story teller! Thank you for sharing your life with us!
Lori
Peggy Brister says:
I have never posted a link to my blog over on Facebook b/c I don’t want the ppl I know in real life reading my blog. If they start reading my blog then I can’t talk about them when I want to.
.-= Peggy Brister´s last blog ..Mowing my legs & stuffing my pie hole. =-.
Emily says:
I don’t blame you! While I enjoy blogging about my family to complete strangers, the second I hear a friend or colleague is reading it I immediately become embarassed. Not because of what I’m writing, but because that’s a part of my life I didn’t necessarily want them to see. Seems kind of ironic, doesn’t it? Anyway, I LOVE your blog. You’ve inspired me to get back into it after an 8 month hiatus. So, thank you for sharing
.-= Emily´s last blog ..new beginnings =-.
Smoochagator says:
I think it makes perfect sense to want to limit and control the labels that people are going to put on your, or at least postpone those labels. For me, I sometimes forget who I’ve explained what to, and some of my acquaintances are a little lost when they bump into one of my as-yet-unexplained labels. For instance, I was part of a Christian cult for many years, and my opinions on religion are, naturally, swayed by my experience and I can get really spun up really quick in any sort of religious debate. Sometimes people don’t know what to do with my strong feelings, especially if they don’t know my history. But do I wear a sign that says “Victim of Spiritual Abuse”? No, because that would be even MORE awkward.
Same thing with my mental illness. (I really hate using that word, too, because even though I have wonky brain chemistry and it’s made my life difficult, I don’t feel all tragic about it.) I have obsessive-compulsive disorder, and I have to be “in the mood” to explain to people that OCD is a lot more than just being a germaphobe (in fact, I would say that I’m a lot less germaphobic that some non-OCD folks I know!). Thankfully there’s a lot less stigma to being KEE-RAZY than there used to be, but there’s still a lot of misinformation out there, and sometimes I don’t want it to be my job to correct wrong assumptions.
Now you know more about me than you ever thought you would, but that’s okay… because I only “know” you online
Mary says:
I can’t believe this! I was in a “Christian cult” too and it took years of counseling to try to get over it, but I still shy away from talking religion or attending organized religion, though I still consider myself a Christian.
And, because of medical issues, I suffered what was supposed to be temporary encephalopathy~ which is a nice way of saying brain damage. While I’ve gotten a lot better in some areas, others are still damaged. You should see people’s faces when I tell them to slow down/re-explain something cuz I’m brain damaged. I always say it w/a smile so that leaves them wondering if I’m for real or not. But I am.
Would love to know which Christian cult you were in. I’d say here, but don’t want to get sued by them or something!
.-= Mary´s last blog ..Ma Compagne Ininterrompu… =-.
Smoochagator says:
Mary, you’re welcome to email me if you’d like to talk about our church cult experiences. You can reach me at smoochagator [at] gmail [dot] com. It’s unfortunate, but I don’t think our experience is all too uncommon
I’m sure some just think you’re exaggerating or joking when you say you’re brain-damaged! It must be fun to keep folks guessing, haha!
Smoochagator says:
And as an aside… why did the nurse google you? Does she do that with all her patients? Just seems like overkill to me…
Jenny says:
I wanna know why the nurse is googling you while at work! Does she google all her patients?
You are a writer, and a communicator and you do both very well. That is why so many people love you and love Maddie. You have a way of describing things, whether it be sad things, funny things, or menstruation that is real and humbling and easy to connect to.
Hugs!
.-= Jenny´s last blog ..The bad morning =-.
Mitzi says:
Seriously? A nurse googled you? I find that very odd. You’re in L&D and the nurse thinks to herself “let’s check this chick out and see what she’s got going on”. Why? I don’t like that.
Chelsea says:
I wanted to let you know that I think of you as the reason behind Friends of Maddie. My son was born early and we stumbled thru life during the time he was in the NICU. I have wanted to help other parents dealing with what we went thru but was never sure what to do. You have inspired me.
Katie in WI says:
I totally majored in Communication to get out college fast, too! Emphasis on Media, which cracks me up.
I love your writing and I predict you will get paid for it one day. You’re readable, funny, unpredictable — in my opinion you get it just right.
Kat says:
Despite how other people (like nosey nurses) think of you, my first thought when you come to mind is your quiet humor and your love of the dodgers, and how I would totally go to a Giants dodgers game with you and we would be sassy.
.-= Kat´s last blog ..My missing Uncle =-.
Laura says:
I never really thought about it before- but it makes sense that you might not want people you have to interact with but don’t really know to be able to read everything about you… it’s your blog and your life, and you don’t have to share it with anyone if you don’t want to.
I know that all of us are very grateful that it is public though, because you inspire us all every day!
Love to you and your family, today and always!
Laura says:
ps. This is a little off topic, but with the March for Babies so close, I wanted to let all you mommies out there that use Pampers know that you can now use your “Gifts to Grow” points to donate to the March of Dimes! Yay! For those of who who don’t know, Gifts to Grow is like the Coke Rewards program- each package of diapers or wipes from Pampers has a sticker inside w/ a code that you enter online for “rewards”, like toys for baby, or coupons, etc. I can’t think of a better way to spend my rewards than to give them all to the MoD for all of their research and innovations that help miracle babies like Maddie and Annabel!
https://en.giftstogrow.pampers.com/browse-rewards.html?PageName=EPortal.CatalogItem&ItemId=27063
Rebecca says:
What does that nurse do all day ….google her patients…..that’s sort of scary. Someone should talk to her.
.-= Rebecca´s last blog ..Happy Birthday Joey =-.
Capital Mom says:
Beautiful. And I think non-fiction writer is a perfect way to describe yourself.
.-= Capital Mom´s last blog ..Daffodils and dandelions =-.
Ray says:
““Oh my gosh, I just googled you and found your blog! I am soooo sorry about your daughter.”
^^Okay that’s odd. Why would she google you? Or even think that if she’d google you, she’d find something…? Weird. I don’t know. I don’t think I like this part of technology where people can google you and find out your life story. Where’s the privacy anymore? There isn’t any.
“It’s funny how online, I tell real stories, and in real life, I make up stories. I guess I really am a writer.”
^^I think it’s a heck of a lot EASIER to be open and honest, when you don’t have a face-to-face audience. It just is for some reason. But I am glad that you share you life with us.
Thank you for that. =o)
Mary says:
Okay~
1) What freak of a nurse googles her patients?! If I had been you I would have been tempted to call for her supervisor. You know, if I weren’t GIVING BIRTH at the time! Weird!!!
2) Strangely, I’ve always thought of you as a writer, from the moment I was 1st introduced to your blog nearly 2 years ago. You have such talent. And then to be writing with such grace, humor, honesty, and depth about your life (the good, the bad, the ugly) is a true testament to your talents as a writer. As is the fact that many of your readers start their day out with you (rather than, say, a newspaper). I know I do! I often wonder what people on the East coast do~depending upon what time you post. I guess they have lunch with you!
I totally understand not spilling your guts out to people with whom you meet IRL. First of all (for me at least), writing about myself has always been easier than talking about myself. And, as you said, it’s nice to be a little annonymous & have some distance with some people in life~like your physical therapist or Mike’s bowling team.
I hate it when I meet someone new & the ask what I do~because my answer now is “Nothing; I’m disabled.” I hate that label & the looks I get. And then there’s the questions & the explanations that people don’t get and the pity looks.
I have a blog, but since the beginning of the year it’s mostly just been pictures of my niece~not much of anything else, because I had been writing about losing my baby nephew in Nov, but was criticized for doing so in a public forum~even though I can count on one hand the possible readers of my blog.
Anyway: point being: I think how you write is lovely & how you handle your IRL aquaintences is smart. Thank you for sharing your life with us. I feel honored. And as someone else said, if I ever did meet you IRL, I’d want to give you a hug & then settle in for a long chat & you’d be thinking “Who the heck is this nutcase~I’m sure I don’t know her!”
.-= Mary´s last blog ..Ma Compagne Ininterrompu… =-.
Al_Pal says:
A lot of people I know like to answer, “what do you do” with, “just about anything I want!”
It takes some of the pressure off of the obvious financial/social ladder probing that’s going on.
Good Luck with that; I know dis- and alter- abilities can be much worse socially than physically.
Catherine Lucas says:
You are writer to me… You use words and sentences in a nice way to make us part of the things you want to share with us. And I am grateful for that. We learn through reading your words and stories, and it does not matter one bit if they are real or not real, real life or not real life… They seem (and I am pretty sure) that they are real life, or as close as, since you can write about feelings and emotions only with the experience of having been there…
And that is what a writer does: balancing stories, emotions and words into one piece. And you have readers… That makes you a writer too!
.-= Catherine Lucas´s last blog ..Emptying the lake at Studley Royal-Fountains Abbey =-.
Kristin says:
I’m so glad you write. I found you eons ago thru Casey. You write the way I dream of writing. You don’t hold back (I so do) and it’s refreshing and honest.
With that said, I completely understand your need to protect yourself. You have been through hell since I “met” you and you have every right to want to separate yourself from that from time to time.
And really, she Googled you? Stalker?
Sending you love.
.-= Kristin´s last blog ..It’s all in your head =-.
Jen L. says:
You ARE a writer–a mighty fine one! I’m guarded about my blog, too. I keep it very separate from my work life, rarely letting folks I work with even know about my personal blog. They can read my sites I write for all day long, but my personal blog is mine.
.-= Jen L.´s last blog ..I don’t have strep throat and other news =-.
Joie says:
I hope, that if for some strange reason, I ever get the opportunity to meet you, that I never give you the sad clown face. I hope I would see you as I “see” you now – Mommy to Annie and Maddie. One is your angel on earth and the other is your angel chillin’ with God. One has been your saving grace, the other is your guardian. Either way – you are still Heather, mom of two daughters. Plain and simple.
Scatteredmom says:
I was just outed this week and now EVERYONE in my job, which means most people in town, know I blog. It was very…um…weird.
I mean cool sorta, because I was very proud of having an article about me in the Globe and Mail, but freaky. I keep wondering if people have read the post of me walking through Disneyland with my skirt all tucked up and my ass showing.
Candice says:
I know what you mean. Sometimes I want to take my blog private an only invite strangers so I can say what I want. My parents and inlaws all have my blog so I always have to be censored.
.-= Candice´s last blog ..It’s that time of year again… =-.
Jess says:
Funny I’m kind of like you (with cats as my “children” though, no real babies…yet.) I was originally going to go to school for journalism but found it boring and switched to communications and writing. Got a degree and went into the medical field (wtf right?) got into the car accident and had no work for 2 years, now I work for a security company. I like to blog, but would rather write novels. I guess we all find what we’re good at right? You let people into your life, into your hopes and dreams, into your heartache and joy. That’s not just writing, that’s something more.
You’re a role model in many ways. You may not think so, but you are. You’re definitely one to me.
Sarah P says:
You’re a writer.
A damn good nonfiction writer.
Hollee says:
You’re more than a writer — you are one of my favorites.
.-= Hollee´s last blog ..On Parenting and Politics: Sheila Simon Talks =-.
Melissa says:
ok, I will be the sole admitter. I google people. Not out of malice, but curiousity.
BUT, I would never have the cajones to tell a person I googled them and comment on what I found, nor would I talk about it with others.
Unless of course I am talking about my former crazy ass downstairs neighbor who I had to take a restraining order out on. I actually paid for a background check on that one after my Google, and I was granted a restraining order based on what I found and that her threats were not merely threats. She ACTS!
Katrina says:
Okay, I laughed when I read this. I can be honest and say that I have never thought to Google anyone’s name before! So I just did mine — what a trip! There was a photo of me from my high school reunion, and a few other random things. Okay, I totally must be living under a rock, because it just never occured to me to do this with people’s names. I ‘m sure everyone who is reading this is shaking their heads. I know ::::sigh::: I’m seriously always one step behind in technology and things that are “out there” in cyberspace. Okay, now I think I’ll be up all night Googling all my friends and family
But I still think it’s a bit weird for a receptionist or a nurse to look at your chart and then run to her computer and Google you. I don’t know, it just seems like it’s violating some doctor/nurse/receptionist/client privacy or something, although I know that technically it’s not, but still.
.-= Katrina´s last blog ..The Cuteness =-.
Melissa says:
And yes, you are an awesome writer!
Christy says:
Sometimes I wish everybody we know and their brother and housekeeper didn’t know about our blog. I really don’t like it when I write something on the blog and someone calls me later to question if I’m okay or ask for elaboration. I wish I were as in touch and could identify what’s going on with me as well as you do. I feel like I’m living in the Claritin commercial and have a foggy haze over me. Maybe one day the foggy haze will lift just like it does on the commercial. I, for one, am very glad you’re a non-fiction writer!
Blessings!
.-= Christy´s last blog ..Hi Emma =-.
Jenny says:
I am trying to figure out why I feel okay reading blogs of people that I don’t really know but I find it kind of creepy that the nurse googled you. Is that standard hospital protocol now? Hmmm…
I am glad that you are a writer and you’re willing to share your talent. I look forward to reading your blog every day.
.-= Jenny´s last blog ..The Prince and Princess of Teeth Turn Six and Go to the Ronald McDonald House =-.
Katrina says:
I’m glad I’m not the only one who was a bit weirded out by that! I mean, really…what made her Google you? When I go to get my teeth cleaned, do they look at my name on the paperwork and then since they have nothing better to do, Google ME? Makes you wonder….
.-= Katrina´s last blog ..The Cuteness =-.
Amanda says:
Our vagueness is the only thing that can’t (or shouldn’t) be stripped from us, like the imagination of children. That’s yours for keeps.
.-= Amanda´s last blog ..Catch it to you =-.
Mary says:
Thank you for sharing what you choose to share. You most definitely are a writer and a darn good one.
scottish lass says:
I LOVE your honesty.
.-= scottish lass´s last blog ..Nominate Your Kid’s Classroom For a Field Trip!! =-.
Christina says:
I do the SAME thing! It was just recently – like a week ago – that I told friends I have a blog. Not sure why; maybe because no one I know in the *real world* knows much about this online stuff.
I truly enjoy your writing…thank you for sharing with all of us.
.-= Christina´s last blog ..Budget Cuts in Elementary Schools Harm Students =-.
Lisa says:
A very good writer! My favourite blog.
Denise Jones says:
Heather, I love your blog and share all the pain, memories, and high points with you. Your sense of humor is a treasure! You SHOULD be proud of your blog, and you are a very gifted writer. I disagree, however, that you are the mother of a dead baby, as you put it. You are, and always will be, Maddie’s mother. Although she isn’t with us in the physical sense, we will all carry her forever in our hearts. Yes, Maddie is now a memory, an angel, but she IS Maddie, and forever will be. Maddie matters, and so do you, Mike, Rigby, and miss Annabel. Love and prayers to you all!
Karen says:
Heather, I love your blog and share all the pain, memories, and high points with you. Your sense of humor is a treasure! You SHOULD be proud of your blog, and you are a very gifted writer. I disagree, however, that you are the mother of a dead baby, as you put it. You are, and always will be, Maddie’s mother. Although she isn’t with us in the physical sense, we will all carry her forever in our hearts. Yes, Maddie is now a memory, an angel, but she IS Maddie, and forever will be. Maddie matters, and so do you, Mike, Rigby, and miss Annabel. Love and prayers to you all!
Al_Pal says:
You are SOTALLY a writer.
I obfuscate sometimes, too. ;p