When you find out you’re going to have a baby girl, your mind goes to all the cute little shoes and dresses you can give them, the games they’ll play, the hair you can braid. You don’t think about the diapers and the spit up and the boogers. And you ESPECIALLY don’t think about how they can get baby periods and yeast infections.
YES. YES. Baby girls (usually when they are fresh outta the oven) can have some period-like blood. But I don’t care about that. I care about the YEAST INFECTIONS. Because Annie…Annie had one.
So, as you may be aware, Annie had pneumonia a couple months back, and she was on antibiotics for weeeeeks. If you’re a woman reading this, you’re like, “oh girl, I been there! Preach!” But if you are my dad and the other dudes who read this site, you don’t know that sometimes antibiotics can cause yeast infections in women (maybe this is true in men, too, I don’t know, I’m only an Internet Lady Doctor). But when a baby gets a yeast infection, she gets a raaaaaaging case of diaper rash.
We tried everything – the different diaper rash creams, organic gunk, medicated powders, the works. Every time we tried something new, the rash went away. And then it would pop back up about five days later, looking meaner and even more pissed off. When Annie started crying during diaper changes (something she never does) we knew it was time to take her to Dr. Looove for some actual medical help.
Dr. Looove took one look at the diaper rash and diagnosed it as a yeast infection. And then she said, “to treat it, put Lamisil on the rash twice a day.”
I was like, “……….the…..athlete’s foot cream?” and then I realized that Lamisil isn’t just ANY athlete’s foot cream. It is the one with the disgusting animated nail infection spokes-creature:
I flashed back to when I lived with my friends Jackie! & Bella and they’d call me into the living room only to make me see the foul commercial where the monster crawls underneath the big toe in the background.
I was supposed to rub this cream…on my daughter’s vagina. And I’ll be damned if that stupid monster creature wasn’t on the box, smirking at me and whispering “tooooooe fuuuuuuuuunguuuuuuus.”
Mike was even less pleased by his daughter’s “athlete’s vagina,” and would go “ew ew ew ew ew” whenever he had to apply the cream.
After administering the cream twice a day for three freaking weeks (as directed), her rash went away. Dr. Looove is so smart, it’s like she’s been through years and years of schooling.
I am traumatized for life. No one told me this could happen!!! What other gross things do I need to be prepared for?!