Mike is 25% Irish, and I’m a whole mess of Irish, Scottish, English, and German. But on St. Patrick’s Day, we take our Irish heritage even more seriously:
In a bar in 2004!
In a bar again, in 2006!
Maddie’s first St. Patrick’s Day
Maddie’s second St. Patrick’s Day
Annie’s first St. Patrick’s Day, passed out like a good Irish babe
I loooove me some St. Patty’s day. I’ll start with a breakfast of corned beef and eggs, move onto a lunch of a corned beef sandwich, and finish off with a dinner of corned beef and cabbage. And, as always, a Guinness with every meal. Ah corned beef, the greatest of the salted meats.
I’ll also spend the entire day speaking in an Irish accent, which I’m sure will delight Mike, and I’ll pick a fight with my dog. She has it coming.
Anyway, I want to do a contest in honor of one of my favorite things: limericks! And blah blah blah, I don’t care that they started in England, HUMOR ME. There is a town in Ireland called Limerick so go with it.
In case you are like Mike and had an English teacher who failed you (and Mike WAS an English teacher, tsk tsk), a limerick is an awesome poem. I am not an English teacher, so I direct you to Wikipedia.
OK now that you’re back, details!
To enter the contest, all you have to do is leave a comment with your limerick. The limerick with the most votes via “reply” comments underneath it will win…fifty bucks! Fifty bucks will buy so much corned beef, you guys. The contest is open to anyone that has a pay pal account, because that’s how you’re going to get your prize. The contest closes at the end of St. Patrick’s Day pacific daylight time.
Here is a limerick I just wrote:
My dog Rigby is quite small
But acts like she’s six feet tall
At our front door she’ll bark
Like a vicious white shark
She’s got some serious gall.
Not my best. Here’s another!
Annabel is a drama queen
Like an actress on the big screen
First she will shout
Then she will pout
I fear for when she is a teen.
These are easy. You all are so funny and creative, I can’t wait to see what you come up with! Oh and, no limerick restrictions – if you want to be inappropriate, go for it. It’s what St. Patrick would want.
Let’s rhyme, people!
UPDATE!
Annnnnnnnnd….The Winner is commenter #1, Kate! Kate, I’ll be emailing you to make sure I have the right pay pal email for you.
Thanks for playing, everyone! You are so funny and awesome.
Kate says:
In penning a limerick for a Spohr,
I considered, “What would she adore?”
A joke about feet?
Or perhaps salted meat?
But I thought, “No, I have to do MORE.”
So I pondered, right there on my couch,
Where I sat, and shifted, and slouched:
“What the hell would I write,
so late in the night?”
And I’ll admit, I started to grouch.
See, like Mike, I used to teach school
(a profession I never thought “cool”).
But I didn’t write poems —
I left them alone! —
And now, I feel like a fool.
I considered not keeping it clean,
but I’m shy, you know what I mean?
And I could do a pun,
but that’s not too fun.
This limerick might yet make me scream!
So, submitted for your consideration
(complete with cautious hesitation):
An epic-length story
about limerick-writing glory
That I hope avoids disqualification!
Kristina Szymkowski says:
Love this!
Becca_Masters says:
That was brilliant
Nelly says:
Love this one!
Jessica says:
I know you already won the contest with this post…but its was great!
Caroline says:
love this one so much
Shannon says:
Love it!
Amanda says:
No need for any others – this one’s definitely the best!!!!
Editdebs says:
Winner!
KRISTEN says:
This can’t be beat.
Sara Mc. says:
Great job Kate!
Tracey says:
Awesome!
I’m not even going to bother trying but I will enjoy reading more:)
Johanna says:
Fantastic Kate!
Shylah says:
How can we compete with this?
Ren says:
Winner for sure!
amber says:
I agree, this one is a winner no paypal for me so i will just vote,lol
Natalie says:
Vote!
Sherry Lane says:
So good!! Lol
RS says:
Haven’t read the others but this one is so good so VOTE!
Gale says:
I was going to write my own limerick,
But this one I can’t read and not pick.
For its humor and size
It deserves your top prize.
My own limerick’s rear it sure does kick.
Noelle says:
Love it, Gale!
AngieM. says:
brilliant!! the winner
Darcie says:
Winner!
Marcilyn says:
Vote!
Trish says:
WINNING!!!!
Sue says:
Awesome!
Snickrsnack Katie says:
Winner winner, corned beef dinner!!!!
I was about to write one of my fab-o limericks, but this is the WINNER!
Jami B. says:
LOVE IT!
Tiffany says:
Fabulous!! Winner winner “corned beef” dinner!
becca says:
Vote!
Jennfier says:
VOTE!!!
Allisonjd says:
love this one!!
Kaylin says:
Love it! Totally awesome!
claire says:
Vote
Megan says:
Love!
Suzanne says:
With Kate’s post we cannot compete
She clearly has all of us beat
So since no one denies
That Kate wins the prize
Let’s consider this contest complete!
giselle says:
love it!!
Sue says:
Excellent follow up!
Noelle says:
You and Gale take the runner up prize!
Maura says:
I hope you won’t think that I’m batty,
Or worse, even think that I’m catty,
But if there is one fight I’d be willing to pick,
It’s over the nickname of Saint Patrick,
It should always be Paddy, not Patty!
Here is why: http://paddynotpatty.com. Happy Saint Patrick’s Day!
edenland says:
There once was a cutie named Maddie,
Who had this like, super tall daddy.
Her mother rocked it, who knew?
Sister Annie – Rigby too!
Yet her favourite was Abby Cadabby.
::
The $$ can go straight back into a F.O.M. bag.
J in Eire says:
Love this one !!! Happy St Patricks Day to all from a sunny, green Ireland.. Enjoying a few pints of the black stuff, parades and lots of spuds & bacon..We just had Obama announce that he is coming to Ireland in May… Great excitement here, we can’t wait to welcome him. (and what’s the story with “Pattys” day, never heard of that over here!!!)
Glenda says:
love this one!
Alexandra :) says:
LOVE it!
DrLori71 says:
There once was a man from Nantucket…
Eh, never mind.
Rachel says:
Kate that was incredible, great job!!
Sara Mc. says:
Just for fun….
No paypal account to be had,
which makes me rather sad.
Guess I’ll drink enough beer
where people will cheer,
“Girl, you drink just like your dad!”
Lorrie M says:
Today I’ll wear green
and look like a bean
Tomorrow I’ll feel green
cuz of where I’ve been
Where the beer is green………..
Nevermind
Kelsey says:
I have a young lad and young lass
On this week I wish I could pass
The children won’t sleep
My eye bags are deep
Daylight Savings Time can kiss my ass!
(I have a pay pal account to PAY for stuff with, does that count? Eh, either way, based on the first comment I’m not too worried about winning.)
Minnyc says:
This one has my vote
SleepyMom says:
Awesome limmerick! And Amen on the Daylight Savings Time week – I’ll take a pass too.
Lindsey says:
I like this one!
Katie says:
I vote for Kelsey!
Nicole says:
Kelsey, I’m with you all the way…
AmazingGreis says:
Today I will wear lots of green.
In other colors I’d never be seen.
Tonight I’ll drink beer,
without any fear.
Dear hangover, please don’t be mean!
Meredith says:
VOTE!
Paige says:
My baby is a darling girl.
Her hair is one delightful curl.
But don’t use a comb or a brush;
The screaming it will never hush.
The sound will make you want to hurl.
nicol says:
You’re 16 and pregnant, not caddy
but highly upset with your baby daddy
it doesn’t have to mean doom,
good times could loom
If i win, the prize goes to Maddie
P.S. This is meant to be light hearted in response to this week’s posts. I’m not passing judgement on anyone, just looking for things that rhymed with Maddie.
Sae says:
Thumbs up for this one
Alexandra :) says:
LOVE THIS ONE, TOO!
Kelly says:
On St. Patty’s Day everyone is keen,
To pinch anyone not wearing green,
With beer in my belly,
I say I am Kelly!
If you pinch me, in your head I will bean!
Many people like to go make a fuss,
Out to the bars with green beer is a must.
Go watch the parade,
With spiked lemonade,
And hope that the police do not bust.
Here I am stuck at work on my computer,
Thinking of those who may be a puker,
Tomorrow when they are hung over,
And there is not any more clover,
I will laugh at the sorry sucker.
Jennie says:
Mike and Heather have been through a lot.
But they’re grateful for all that they’ve got.
They’ve shed many a tear
You can read it all here
At this well-written internet spot.
Priya says:
good one
Julia says:
So true! Love this!
Glenda says:
nice!!!
Claudia G. says:
I like this one!
Noelle says:
A totally different kind of great
Nicole says:
My attempt at a slightly earnest, after-school special-type Limerick:
Gideon Lockhart wrote “Travels with Trolls”
But ‘net users can be bigger a**holes.
When they don’t sign their name
Cruelty seems like a game
Makes me wish I could strand them on shoals.
Harry Potter fans, help me out here.
houpley says:
vote!
jill says:
“Gilderoy” Lockhart. CUTE!
Finn Reeds says:
The Leprechauns come while we’re sleeping
And mess up my tidy house-keeping.
The floor’s littered with glitter,
There’s green in our shitter,
But the kids are so happy they’re leaping!
Mommy says:
LOL! This one is great too!
buttah says:
11 years ago today
I married my Honey on St. Patrick’s Day!
Our Love is so true
We’ll never wear blue
Forever in Love we will stay!
Happy Anniversary Beerman! I love ya!
Mommy says:
Cute! Happy Anniversary!!
Kate says:
This weather is driving me crazy
All these gray days are making me lazy
I need to get my fat ass
Outside like a good lass
Come on, Mother Nature, it’s time for some effing daisies!
It’s not like we’ve got ice or snow
It’s DC! Our winters just blow
Eternally rainy and windy
and mostly gray in this capital city
Wouldn’t know that from my commute, though!
Although I try not to be bitter,
These 38 degree days belong in the shitter.
I’d take Boston’s snow
or SoCal’s sunny glow
before Washington’s dreary rain’s patter-pitter.
Each day at my desk I sit and delight
at the prospect of days full of light.
I could be out on my bike
and eating outside (a habit I so like),
and not commuting in the dark of night.
Pretty please, Heather, I beg you!
If there is anything I can do
to get you to send
Cali’s weather to a desperate friend,
I’d even ask Obama to friend you!
Mommy says:
This one made me laugh! The first part is the best- come on Mother Nature it’s time for some effing daisies? LOL!!!!
Priya says:
Ohhh gotta vote for this one because I live in NOVA and I get what you are saying!!
Is it OK that I voted 3 times?
Kirsten says:
I have had a headache all day
The Syndol won’t keep it away
I’m sore and I’m moping
But I keep on hoping
It’ll be gone by the next holiday.
Julie says:
I have two!
On St. Patty’s I’m very obscene
Thankfully alcohol doesn’t make me mean!
I would love to drink with the Spohrs
No greater amount of fun would be had forevermore
Thank god the grass is green!
And for all of my fellow English teachers
Being an English teacher is cool
I never look like a fool
Although I stick to teaching the classics
Rattling off many of Shakespeare’s plays that are tragic
Makes me feel somewhat like a tool
Happy St. Patricks Day!
Jeni Smoker says:
This is a new blog for me I will admit,
I had never read what she had writ,
But a friend sent me over with high hopes for this dity,
Now I am trying, and doing quite shitty!
No kids of my own, on that I cannot say ‘me too”
No dealing with diapers all covered in poo,
Not real maternal, but that is ok,
I have a goddaughter and she makes my day.
If I need a kid fix, down south I go,
to visit my goddaughter and get away from the snow,
But anyway, enough about me,
I am supposed to be doing a limrick, a $50 plea!
I am not Irish at all, pure German and Swede,
blonde hair, blue eyes, American food I need,
I have a blog too, http://www.smokerjd.wordpress.com,
Sometimes I swear in it, just don’t tell my mom.
I have lyme disease, and it really does suck,
Makes you feel like you can’t move and are mired in muck,
That is what my blog is about, oh what fun to read!
But today is St. Patrick’s Day, green beer we all need!
So Happy St. Pats for Irish and none,
I am sorry I went so long, it was great fun,
For me, maybe not for the people who glance,
And wonder who this crazy person is with no chance,
But vote for me, sometimes I’m funny!
And even if not, I still want the money.
So thank you the Sphors for giving me this shot,
And Happy St. Patrick’s Day, go celebrate a lot!
Selena says:
This one gets my vote!!!!
m yoder says:
voting for Jeni! Auntie Love
Skye says:
There once was a fair maiden, Annie
As a baby, she fell on her fanny
She grew up so nice
Made the young lads look twice
Someday, she’ll make Heather a granny!
Mommy says:
This one!!!
Nicole says:
The first one is good but my vote is definitely for this one!
Trisha Vargas says:
The first one was awesome, but this one is super cute about Annie. My vote
katrina @ They All Call Me Mom says:
There once was a family of nine
Who thought that everything was fine
Until Mom played a trick
When she pee’d on a stick
What’s that? A positive line!
Months passed and arrived baby Andy
Who smelled better than all the sweet candy
Siblings loved him a lot
Their complaints they forgot
Until Mom announced another dandy!
That’s right! Baby nine’s on the way!
Who will add to their joy everyday.
It’s a fact that eleven
Has become their new Heaven
Baby Aria arrived without delay!
Is this family complete now, or what?
Do the parents need a kick in the butt?
They must be crazy, it’s said
Find a new hobby not in bed!
Nine children will surely drive you nuts!
Mom has to laugh at that thought
Honestly, nine doesn’t seem like a lot
When you add one at a time
Really, everything’s is fine…
Afterall, Octomom I am NOT!
Lynnette says:
I’ve liked all of them, but this one made me laugh out loud. It has my vote.
Mommy says:
Can we vote for more than one? I love this one! 9 kids, and you have time to go on this blog AND write a cute, funny poem?? You deserve to win!!!
Mickey says:
Another Vote for Katrina!
Elaine says:
Katrina’s a winner to me!
Tauni says:
Like it!
Rach L says:
This one is for Heather and Mike
Who are eating Corned Beef with their tyke
Rigby wants some too
Though it may make her ….. ewww
If this was on Facebook, you’d “like”
Now the Guinness and green beer may flow
And on Saint Patty’s you never say NO
Cuz the more that you drink
the better you’ll think
Of my writing, on you this will grow
I know my poem’s not the best
and it doesn’t compare to the rest
But my bank account’s dry,
so I thought I would try
and put my sad sorry skills to the test.
Happy Saint Patty’s Day!!
Nelly says:
Cute! I like this one!
Charisse says:
HAHAHA Cute – I vote here – the first one is amazing – but this one made me chuckle
Mommy says:
This one is super cute too!!
Darcie says:
this one made me LOL
Sae says:
You may wonder why,
but I do make my
limericks look like haiku.
You may call me insane,
but I’ll chop them in twain
Just ti make you laugh twice with the two.
English nerd!
Laura says:
I love the St. Patty’s Day scene,
All the revelers dressed all in green –
‘Cept the puddles of puke
that are left on my stoop …
About the drunks I am not all that keen.
katrina @ They All Call Me Mom says:
funny! got my vote
Pieces of a Sometimes Extraordinary Life says:
Not great, but heartfelt. ?
A year ago we thought we might never have a child,
But on March 21, 2010 my adoption agency dialed,
A birth mom was in labor, they said, come quick!
You and your husband are her first pick!
“I haven’t showered!” I screamed, “and all my clothes are in the wash!”
And the social worker laughed and said, “Oh my f-ing gosh,
do you really think she’ll care when she’s fully effaced?
She wouldn’t care if you both came naked dragging toxic waste!
Get your butts down here!” And so to Ohio we went,
Nine hours in the car periodically shouting at each other with pent-
up terror and excitement. “Our daughter,” we kept repeating, “OUR DAUGHTER!”
trying to see the road over all the baby crap we’d already bought her.
In the NICU for ten days because her birth mom had a problem with drugs,
but we’ve gotten our Anna past these hurdles with lots of hard work and hugs.
And in only four days our baby will become a one-year old girl;
the excited melancholy of this makes me simultaneously want to twirl and hurl.
It’s been a heck of a year, reflux and sleepless nights and more,
marked by monthly pics with Alphabet blocks which we copied from the Spohrs.
Spitup and blowout poops, kisses and huge smiles,
A full lifetime has passed since the agency first dialed…
Lisa says:
Aw, this made me cry! (Congratulations, Pieces!) This one gets my vote.
Sharon Lohr says:
I think it is great! (And heartfelt.) My choice…
Mommy says:
I love this too! Way too hard to just pick one!!!
Congrats and happy birthday to your little blessing!!
Priya says:
How wonderful, congrats! This one gets my vote too.
AlisonandLuc says:
LOVED this! Blessings to you and your baby-soon-to-be-little-girl! You have my vote.
Lee Jackson says:
This is my choice! What a lovely story! Happy birthday to your dear daughter. I can see from this how much love you have for her.
Jenn says:
My Vote!!! Such a nice poem. Happy Birthday baby girl!!! Enjoy your birthday with your mama & your daddy!!!!!!
Emma says:
I may be too late, but this would be my choice. What a beautiful story!
Erin V. says:
A little off topic, but here goes…
“There once was a fellow named Sheen,
Whose lifestyle was very obscene.
Though an expert in sinning
He claims to be winning.
Such a warlock has never been seen.”
Darcie says:
love this! (although Charlie’s crap is getting on every nerve I have left!)
Finn Reeds says:
This one is in jest…hopefully all you wonderful writers have a sense of humor!
You write verses of one, two, three, four
Clearly thinking more verses will score.
But you only kiss ass
With your rhyming pizazz,
For you’re only a vote getting whore!
Mommy says:
We have a new baby boy
He is our pride and joy
He nurses so much
You could call him a lush
My nipples are almost destroyed.
katrina @ They All Call Me Mom says:
Ha! I think this one is great!
And I’ll admit that I can relate
While my own nipples won’t say
But they have seen better days
For I’ve nurse not just ONE… but EIGHT!
(Sorry about that! I’m still in Limerick mode!
But really…yours made me LOL — you have my vote!)
Michele Best says:
I don’t know if I can compete with these others, but this was too perfect of an opportunity not to share our story. We are expecting another baby this August and had our anatomy ultrasound this morning. We announced the gender in a limerick to our family and friends. (Our last name is “Best” btw, that will make more sense when you read the limerick!)
There once was a family of Best
Growing their brood was their quest
Adding one more
To make a family of four
A baby BOY will fill up their nest!
Mommy says:
What an adorable way to announce the gender of your baby-to-be!!
Congrats!!
Kristina Connelly says:
I don’t have a pay pal account but I figured I would do it anyway…..s
Today is the day the Irish will party
The meal of corned beef and cabbage will be real hearty
But this advice you must take
Don’t get close to them for goodness sake
Because you will not have the luck of the Irish when they become farty
Jennifer says:
I wrote this for my 95 year old grandmother…St. Patrick’s Day is her favorite day of the year…her name is Mary Imogene O’Leary…
On St. Paddy’s day everyone is cheery
Especially my Nana named O’Leary
She dresses all in green
And will pinch you if yours is not seen
And then look at you as though she is leery…
Corn beef and cabbage will be her dinner
And if you guessed Irish whiskey to drink, you’re a winner
Perhaps a wee too much
But we never mention such
Those Catholics might call her a sinner…
“When Irish Eyes Are Smiling” will be playing
On her record player as she’s swaying
Thinking about Papa, her one love true
And how she wishes he were here too
But we all know that goes without saying…
The night will end with an old Irish toast
Raising her glass with those she treasures most
Another year has passed
95 total have amassed
And for that you know she must boast!
Happy St. Patrick’s Day to my Nana!
Mommy says:
I like this one! So cute that’s it for your Nana!!!
Jeanie says:
Three dogs live in my domain
First there were two, then another one came
None are like Rigby, so cute and so white
But one is a Shin Tzu, who loves to fight
My dogs love the chickens who live next door
Mending the fence is such a chore
Love all my dogs and my springer spaniel, too
Who in September went to heaven
God Bless you
No St. Paddy’s involved in this little ditty
Just my three dogs who are sitting here pretty
Deb Hauer says:
Heres to a long life and a merry one.
A quick death and an easy one.
A hot guy (or girl) and an honest one.
A cold beer – and another one!
Kelly says:
Cheers, Deb! I’ll drink to that…
Mommy says:
I’m stealing this next time I have to give a toast! So cute!!
Cinthia says:
I’m a grad student with a deadline,
Of tomorrow the 18th at nine
My paper is due
But I’m stuck on page two
God, how I hate Dr. Klein!
Meyli says:
Vote!
Made me laugh, and I can relate
Jenn says:
T’was the eve of St. Patrick’s Day and all thru the house,
Everyone was excited, even my spouse.
We all gathered ‘round with anxiety and fear,
Worried the little Spohr’s family may not appear!
We grabbed a huge keg of green beer & some chips,
When the door suddenly flung open, then we all started to flip!
Heather, Mike, Annie & Rigby appeared with a grin,
Then scowled when a drunken friend offered them Gin.
“OOHHH No, NO” exclaimed Heather as she said with a snear!
“What this party needs most, is some cold, fucking beer!
Now being Canadian, we all had to agree
Even thou’ once you drink it, you have to go pee!!
Heather grabbed up the bottle, drank it down in a flash!
Then she let out a loud belch & said “Oh shit – GAS”!!
With a laugh & a giggle, we all shouted with glee
This is the best St. Patty’s Day, there’ll ever, ever be!
And now with my ending I’ll fully admit
This is more like a poem, then a fun filled Limerick
I did try my best, I really must say
On the eve of the very best St. Patty’s Day!!
Sweepstaker says:
Nice! I love it!
Linda (Annie's Grandma) says:
Even though I can’t win
cause I’m part of Heather’s kin
I wanted to join in the fun
The green beer’s a flowing
our tummies are growing
from all the cabbage and corned beef
Oh the Grief!
As we raise our last Stout
just remember to Shout
It’s great to be Irish today!
Jenn says:
Nice Job Grandma! Nice Job!!! (Uumm, sorry about uumm, swearing in my poem…Time Out).
yvette says:
Dear Heather;
I have been following your blog for quite some time. I have never commented, but have grieved, prayed, rejoiced and recently admired both you and Mike. I have to tell you something that just happened. I am in a hotel, returning home from a business trip with my husband. I have a daughter who has tourette’s syndrome (where my recent admiration comes in. yay Mike for sharing ). She is a graphic designer who designs wedding invitations from home. She recently won a design award from minted.com. Tonight when I checked in on your blog, Minted.com was a featured ad, and her design was on the ad!! I was floored and proud. I just thought I would share this as I am amazed at the power of the internet.
I also had that eye thing and had the same procedure done. Ugghh. I felt your pain!
I follow your blog because I love how real you are. I think you and Mike are great. And you make the most beautiful babies. I wish you love and healing and much happiness.
On another note…I have a limerick I wrote in grade school…
There once was a man named O’Toole.
Who wanted to buy a new pool.
When he told his bride,
Her smile was wide,
And she said, “that would be very cool!”
Sher says:
My water heater is a leaking,
A cheap plumber I am seeking,
to fix this old piece of poo.
No hot water for me,
to wash out the smelly,
good thing I just work at the zoo.
Missy says:
Oh the hiccups I do got
From all the liquors I done shot
My family may think I’m sinning
But I think I’m winning
Is anyone else hot
Carrie says:
Shamrock antlers and green beer,
Being broken out all over the hemasphere,
Everyone is Irish for a night,
Jade is the gem in everyone’s sight,
In this party time of year.
Kate says:
I’m so flattered and excited! Apparently, law school does pay off (by insuring I’m up way too late and able to write limericks in the wee hours!)
jewels:) says:
there once was a baker named fred
who always burned the bread
his skills were quite bad
and when the chef became mad
he had him wash dishes instead!