I am so glad it’s Thursday. It’s been one of those weeks that has been just a little too much, you know? First, the rain. Oh, it’s has been raining like crazy until this morning. The weathermen are telling us that it’s supposed to be beautiful this weekend, easing us into Monday when it’s supposed to be 80 DEGREES! They’d best be right, because this California chica can’t take much more of this “weather” crap. Second, work. So many work fires this week! What the hell did they do here before I came? I wonder because every time something bad has happened, I have been the designated fireman. Who was the person who had to do it before me? Poor sap. I feel for you, where ever you are…probably unemployed now…yeah, I’ll put out those fires. Hey, maybe if the rain comes back it can put out the fires for me! The best thing about no more rain is no more umbrellas. The pedestrians of New York City react to rain the same way the drivers of LA react – with panic and only a thought for themselves. I’ve endured people shaking their umbrellas off ON ME in the subway, people pushing through the crowded sidewalks with golf umbrellas, and people stopping at the top of a subway exit to open their umbrellas. This is by far the biggest offense of all. When it rains the subways are even more packed than usual, which means more people are getting off, you get the idea. When one person stops on the steps of the exit, EVERYONE stops because they can’t get by. It’s the ultimate Big Momma. I just want to scream at them! Grr.
I went outside to pick up lunch today, and I saw blue sky for the first time in ages! Maybe these weathermen are onto something. I could feel it starting to get a bit warmer. I’m not going to pack away my warm coats yet – the last time it was “warm” here, I went and bought a lightweight coat at the Gap that I have worn exactly once, and I was freezing the whole time. However, I love wearing my camel colored long coat, it’s so warm and comfy. I think I’ll still wear it in my apartment when my air conditioning gets to be too much. I have free utilities, people! I can do these things. Another thing I realized today on my way to lunch is that I would be really good at spinning the wheel on the Price is Right. We have a revolving door in our building and I can spin the hell out of it! I would kick that wheel’s ass, yo. Oh, and did I mention that the lunch I went out to get today was free? I had a free coupon to a local burger place, and it expired today. No way was I going to let free food go to waste! I marched my ass down there and got my burger. It was good, too. The free made it taste even better!
Finally, I have a plea to all Today Show Commercial Executives. Comm Execs, I have this thing about feet. I hate them. I hate how they smell, how they look, the very thought of them. So you can imagine my extreme unhappiness these last few days when, during your show, there were two commercials that featured feet prominently. The first one I’ve seen for a year or so now. You know the one, where the fungus taunts the viewers about how our topical fungus creams can’t get it and then it LIFTS UP THE BIG TOE NAIL and jumps under? I am repulsed by that. How does that make someone want to buy their product? I have been scarred by that commercial ever since Bella and Jackie evilly paused the Tivo to make me see it. REMOVE IT FROM MORNING TELEVISION! Think of the children! The other commercial is for that liquid Band Aid stuff. This dude is at the beach with a HUGE wound on the BOTTOM of his FOOT. The clear band aid crap gets applied to it, and suddenly the dude is off playing with his kids or whatever. Gross! First of all, does the band aid remove the pain from the wound? Because that mother looks like it really hurt. Second, you can still see the red wound! What if some dude was just cruising around with what looked like an open wound on his hand? That’s just weird. And third, WHY did it have to be on the bottom of his foot? This morning I was traumatized by these two commercials BACK TO BACK. Today Show! What are you trying to do to me? It’s hard enough for me to stand up on my cross trainer without these offenses! I still love Cojo, though.