I have been getting all these coupons lately for free things. Okay, two, but it’s always nice to get free stuff. The first one was from Jamba Juice for a free strawberry smoothie. Don’t you know I used that the next day. Then yesterday I got a coupon for a free Starbucks Frappuccino. Ooh…three of my favorite things: Chocolate, Caffeine, and Whipped Cream. The perfect treat in the middle of a loooong Wednesday. Except for one thing: I’m supposed to stay away from chocolate and caffeine. Dr.’s orders. So, what do I do? Do I shun the free offer of goods, or do I listen to the medical professional who went to years of school? Yeah, you know I went and got my free drink today. They DID make it caffeine free…yeah, okay, that’s a lie, it was totally caffeinated and full of chocolate. And you know what? I liked it! So sue me! So what if every sip had the potential to render me deaf and dizzy? I live on the edge. In case you were wondering, my Doc didn’t really tell me anything I didn’t know at my appointment yesterday. He put me on a strict low-sodium, caffeine-chocolate-fried food-alcohol-cheese-free diet, which I have thus far been unable to follow. Because, HELLO, those are all of the best ingredients in the world. It’s not like I drink that much caffeine anyway, I’ve mentioned several times on this website that I have seriously cut back on it. Anyway, so the Doc put me on this diet, and I’m going back in two weeks for more tests. I think it must be stamped somewhere that I pay every time I come in, because this is getting a little ridiculous. I can’t believe how long it is taking my doctors to diagnose me. Actually, I have two doctors who have diagnosed me, but there is another one who thinks it’s a completely different problem. Oh, that’s just great. I love it when my imagination is allowed to run wild with terms like “neuroma” and “acoustic” and “tumor.” Words are fun! And while my doctor said he doesn’t think it’s anything “too serious”, I find it hard to think of deaf puppies with tumors and smile. Also, I have to hand it to the City of Burbank. They have so much damn construction in this town that it’s impossible to walk down the street without constantly being in danger. Although, lots of construction also means lots of construction workers, so when I’m feeling down about myself all I have to do is walk to the end of the block! Today, as I walked with my contraband frappuccino, I heard, “DAMN! Look at the CABOOSE on that chick!” and, “I like how you work that straw.” Yay! I love comments that involve my ass and my fellatio abilities. Hmm…I hesitate to use that word, because I can just see all the pervs that will come to my site.
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