Suddenly I’ve been getting all these crazy hits on this site. Who are you people and how are you finding me? It makes me so curious to know who is reading this stuff. Even if you get here by doing a search for “Lisa Marie Presley Imposter.” What? I don’t think I ever wrote about that, yet somehow that string led someone here. The internet is a mystery, my friends. So, it’s April Fool’s Day and I’ve been fooled a few times already. Just small things, but those are always the ones that work. I haven’t pulled a prank on anyone in years. I guess I’m just not as creative as I used to be. Or not as evil. And it’s sad that I don’t want to be deficiant in either department! Or is it? I’m totally all over the place today, and I blame it on a little crowd control device called Pepper Spray. Last night, Mike, Bella, Dana, and I were eating at a sushi place near my apartment. This drunk guy came in and was acting really belligerent, so the bouncers made him leave. He was a typical 45-year-old surfer type: blondish-grey hair, leather skin, a goatee. He came back about 10 minutes later, and this time wouldn’t leave when the bouncers told him he couldn’t stay. One of the workers called the cops. One officer came in and was talking to the guy. We couldn’t hear what was being said, though, he was just out of our earshot. But the Drunk Surfer looked pretty pissed off from what we could see. Then the officer put his hand on the guy’s back, like to guide him outside, and the dude just plopped on the ground, the way protestors do when they’re resisting arrest. The officer was bent over the guy, and suddenly he just pulled out the spray and got him right in the face, about 5 or 6 inches away from his nose. Then the guy started waving his arms and legs around, kicking and stuff, so the officer got him a few more times. He was only about 10 or 20 feet away from us. Every one in the restaurant started coughing and sneezing, including us, and some people were puking in the bathroom. It was awesome! Except not. The restaurant cleared out really fast after that, but we stayed because Mike and I hadn’t gotten our food yet and we all had full drinks. Pepper spray? Burns like a mother fucker. Seriously. I inhaled it and it was in my eyes and everything. I was far away from it, too, so I can’t imagine what if felt like for the Drunk Surfer. I’m going to assume he deserved it…yeah. Stupid drunk! Why couldn’t he be happy-go-lucky, bare-ass and free, like a normal drunk? I blame YOU for my appearance today! Guys don’t make passes at girls who wear glasses (not that I want passes from guys, Mike!).