I have seen Frozen with Annabel approximately…I dunno, a billion times? And while I adore the movie, when you’ve seen it as many times as I have some things start to pop out at you as not making sense.  It may just be a cartoon, but seriously, I need some answers.

1. Where are Kristoff’s parents?
kristoff's parents

How did Kristoff end up without parental supervision? More importantly, how did he, as a child, end up in the rough ice business? Does Arendelle not have Child Protective Services?

2. HOW and WHY did Elsa get her powers?
elsa's powers

Yeah yeah yeah, she was born with the powers, but WHY? HOW WHY HOW WHY???? Why doesn’t Anna have powers? Did the King or Queen?

3. Who is going to clean up that mess of ice and snow in the ballroom?
I can’t stop thinking about water damage and mildew. Seriously, everyone is afraid that Elsa will freeze their hearts, but they should be way more concerned about mold.

4. Where were the king and queen going?
king and queen going

Okay maybe the location itself isn’t relevant, but it had to be somewhere important for both the King and Queen to leave behind their children, one of whom is a prisoner in her room while the other is going so crazy with loneliness that she’s talking to paintings. Also, as the rulers of their kingdom, shouldn’t their boat be way bigger? This irrationally bothers me.

5. What did Elsa do in her room all day, every day?
elsa room
She was probably soooo happy when Candy Crush released the Dreamworld update.

6. Did Rapunzel and Eugene make it home okay?
rapunzel and eugene

One of the hidden “Easter eggs” in the movie is that Rapunzel and Eugene attended Elsa’s coronation…which means they were likely stuck in Arendelle’s deep, deep, deep, deep snow. I bet Rapunzel’s parents were pissed. Also, I seriously hope Rapunzel started wearing shoes because frostbite.

7. What is Oaken doing in the middle of nowhere?

A sauna in the middle of nowhere actually sounds pretty relaxing. I wouldn’t mind visiting Oaken and enjoying some lutefisk and that accent.

8. Is it “reindeer” or “reindeerS”?

Kristoff sings a song about people being better than reindeers. Yes, reindeer with an “s.” When I heard that I was like, wait a minute because in Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer there’s the line, “All of the other reindeer used to laugh and call him names.” This was troubling to my inner grammar snob. Which was right? Well, Oxford Dictionaries entry for Reindeer says, “Plural same or Reindeers.” So, they’re both right. Glad we cleared this up.

9. Why didn’t Jonathan Groff get a real song?

Real talk: How can you have a Tony Award nominee only sing a throw-away 30-second song? This is a crime that should be punishable by law.

10. How does one get a dog-like reindeer as a pet?
dog reindeer

I’m asking for a friend.

11. Is Anna left-handed or right-handed?

In the image above, she’s throwing a snowball with her left hand, but later she throws a mean right hook:


Annabel is left-handed and she immediately noticed Anna threw with her left hand. “She’s just like me, Mama!!” But is she? Is she, Disney???

12. Why isn’t there snow where the Trolls are?

During viewing number 187,846 I realized there isn’t snow on the ground where the Trolls live. I assume they are located in Arendelle, so why aren’t they being impacted by Elsa’s eternal winter?

13. Why didn’t Olaf melt when he visited the Trolls?

trolls - not melting

During viewing number 187,847 I realized that the Trolls seem to be located near steam geysers (Anna and Kristoff warm themselves over one on their journey), which explains the lack of snow but does NOT explain why Olaf doesn’t melt! Look out Olaf, there’s some effing killer steam coming RIGHT AT YOU.

14. Why did Hans get off so easy? He tried to kill Anna AND Elsa!
hans jail

Seriously? Attempting to murder the Queen and Princess of Arendelle only gets Hans deported back to his own family? That seems…pretty lenient. Unless Arendelle is in Florida, then it’s par for the course.