I needed to take a break from unpacking/sorting/purging/washing, so when my dad told me about a place not too far from the new house that hosts a kids’ activity doodad every week, I grabbed Annie and away we went. Yesterday’s kids’ activity doodad featured a DJ for kids. Perfect, Annie loves dancing. Or so I thought.
Problem Number 1: The doodad was outdoors, and the minimal amount of shade was taken. Normally not a big deal, except I haven’t unpacked the sunscreen and it was REALLY hot.
Problem Number 2: Inexplicably, the lawn was still wet, even in the heat. I found this out after I sat down.
Problem 3: My camera decided to completely stop working as soon as we got there. It made me super grumpy.
Problem 4: Annie totally wigged out. She clung to me, hung back, and generally wanted NOTHING to do with the doodad.
This last problem was more troubling to me, because it’s so unlike her. Take this picture:
As recently as last week there was no way Annie would have sat in someone’s lap when there was music playing. To be fair, she did consider dancing:
But after a few seconds she’d plop right back down. I thought maybe letting her roam free might make a difference, so I scooped her up and took her to the back of the plaza. Jackpot – for Annie. She could still hear the music, so I expected her to quickly get over the isolation and run back to the crowd.
She never did.
Is this a typical phase kids go through? I LOVE my friendly, outgoing girl and I want her back!
Erin @ One Particular Kitchen says:
I vote totally normal and over quickly. Everybody has an off day sometimes.
Susan says:
Definitely normal. Given her age, she will for sure have “shy” days. However, her outgoing personality will come back.
Fiona says:
Hi Heather
My little one, Naomi (21 months) went through this stage but it was around the time she began walking. My outgoing, friendly chick went introverted big time. She came through the other side though and now she’s her old self again. It is a stage – I wouldn’t worry. My advice is to embrace this stage and not push her out beyond her comfort zone. She’ll go off again when she is ready.
I guess it’s probably all about finding out where they fit in to everything…..must be a scary place, this world, through little eyes.
xx
Love your posts
Emily says:
it also may have to do with the move – something like that may have a big change for Annie, and finding herself in a lot of unfamiliar places all at once may have overwhelmed her a bit.
tonya says:
I was thinking it was the move too. When they’re that small, home is nearly their whole world. Hers is all different now, and she may not be on her A game yet. But I’m sure she will be soon. And, omg, could she be any cuter?! I think not!
Linda Campbell says:
Totally agree with Emily!
Rah says:
This would be my best guess. Annie is fortunate to have had a very stable home life with lots of support, but moving to a new house is stressful no matter how positive the move is. I’ll bet her personality returns by the next doodad.
marcia says:
This was my first thought, too. Lots of changes going on right now & she likely just needs the security of knowing that you will be there. Like the others have said, I’m sure she’ll be back to herself before you know it!
Madi G. says:
I think it’s completely normal!
Kids go through phases of shyness. Plus, she was in a new place, attending a new, unfamiliar event that was loaded with people. Overwhelming, much?
Also, let’s look at this from Annie’s perspective…
It’s hot, she’s in the sun, with no shade. Would *YOU* want to dance? I wouldn’t! I’d want to remain as still as possible in an attempt to stay cool.
Also, consider her mood. You’re not always in the mood to dance, right? And there are times when you don’t want to deal with crowds, right? Sometimes, you just want to relax and avoid other people, no? Annie is certainly capable of the same. Perhaps she just wasn’t in the mood to dance or deal with gobs of kids.
Plus, children go through phases of shyness. It’s completely normal. It’s part of growing up.
I wouldn’t worry about it. And really, there’s no reason to worry about it because worrying won’t do anything to change the situation. Perhaps Annie’s personality **is** evolving after all. Perhaps she’s going to be a bit more introverted. There’s nothing wrong with introversion! Annie is her own individual. You can’t control whether she’ll be an introvert or an extrovert. Annie will always be wonderful, regardless of whether she’s an introvert or an extrovert.
-Madi G.
Jenn says:
Hi Heather,
YES!! This is completely typical for a child Annie’s age. It could be b/c of some other reasons as well….
MOVING – This is a huge change in her life and although she seems to be handling it GREAT at home, doesn’t mean she wasn’t feeling out of sorts or overwhelmed by all of the stimulation of that day….especially if she has been spending a lot of time in just her safe, comfy, new digs. For some kids being in a highly stimulated area literally stops them in their tracks and makes them take pause and seek a quieter, less active place.
HEAT – You said it was very hot that day. Does the heat ever bother her? Since there was little shade, would she have been a little more sensitive to the heat that day?
I honestly wouldn’t worry too much about it. Kids go through all kinds of stages and in my experience with my own kids, school kids and friends kids, I find the girls to be much more emotional in their development. I’m sure Annie will still be friendly and out going but she just may be testing her independence and simply could have just wanted her own space.
Did she perk back up once you got her in some air conditioning, familiar surroundings with less stimuli around her? If so…my guess she just became overwhelmed and once you removed her from a lot of the action, she took solace in her own independence.
Sometimes it’s hard being a little kid!!! ha ha
Alyssa says:
It would be completely normal for her to be going through a shy or clingy stage at this age. But I also don’t think you can discount all the changes in her life lately as influencing factors. Being some place less familiar and being in a new house are also good reasons to just feel a little less cautious about life in general. Not to mention the heat.
Alyssa says:
*more cautious, not less. Der.
Kelsey says:
I see what I was thinking has pretty much already been said… between the heat and the upheaval of the move, maybe she was just a little out of sorts. My six, almost seven, year old, who I never think of as being shy still occasionally has moments like this. They totally baffle me, but go just as quickly as they come.
TracyKM says:
For some kids, this is not a stage, but just who they are. Even outgoing kids can be overwhelmed in a large gathering of other kids. You wrote about this yourself earlier this month! So I don’t even think this is abnormal for Annie as she did the same thing before
Ad says:
I think it was actually Mike who wrote about Annie being shy around her friend’s children, but that was the first thing that came to mind when I read this too.
Ad says:
I meant *his friend’s children
Julia says:
Hi Heather!
I also think it might be partially related to the move. We moved to a new city in a different state in June, and my (now) 20-month old did the exact same thing every time I took her to the library storytime here. She used to LOVE library song/storytime in our old city and would roam and dance and play. Here, she clings to my neck and refuses to get out of my lap. She was never as extroverted as Annie seems to be, but she is slowly getting back to her more extroverted self after several weeks of going to the same libraries (repetition!) and going to the storytimes that aren’t as popular (fewer kids!). We also go to the library branches to play when it isn’t storytime, and I think that helps her get used to the space.
(I should note that my daughter did not seem affected by our move in any other way, much like Annie, so her sudden clingy-ness took me by surprise. So maybe it is just a phase at this age, exacerbated by a move?)
Hope the unpacking is going well! Moving stinks.
Michelle Burger says:
My girls were always more shy and still are when we are the ones coming into a large group. They were always more comfortable when we were one of the first ones to arrive and then when kids arrived into “their space” slowly versus being thrust upon a large group at once. You might try that next week.
Fête Foreign says:
My 2.5 year old puts on her own “shows” in the seating area at malls. I’ve rarely seen her shy away from anything . . . unless she’s tired, or hot, or hungry or going through a growth spurt or during a full moon. Every once in a while she has an off day, we all do. It was probably a little hot, in Annie’s opinion, to be rockin’ out to the tunes.
Gertie says:
Yes, its normal.
Kate says:
It’s really common for kids to enter a “shy” phase between 18 months and three years… Some kids, it only lasts a few weeks. Others, longer. She’ll be back in no time.
Audra says:
I’m so with you on no camera = crankiness. I’m at the point where I feel like an experience is less authentic if I can’t document it with photos, which, intellectually, I know is ridiculous.
Annie IS in a phase. My little M is normally VERY gregarious, but every once in awhile, she gets really shy in a new situation. You mentioned that Annie was super-psyched about the new house and loved to run around in it. There’s a lot of change going on and her little self just can’t maintain that high level of enthusiasm for every piece of it.
That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t keep trying new things. You should. Just have the mindset that sometimes exposure replaces total involvement, but that no matter what she is getting something out of every new experience. You pictures show a happy girl…just more content to watch than actively participate for the time being.
mp says:
It’s also a time when Annie is thinking more, trying to understand her place in the world. Some kids will be shy for short stretches at a time as they pass through a developmental phase, some veer more towards shyness for good, or shyness in large crowds.
While shyness isn’t necessarily something we desire in our children–face it, our current culture rewards those who are more socially outgoing over introverts–it’s also not the end of the world. I have one outgoing child and one who is “slow to warm up”. They’ve both taught me to appreciate their different viewpoints on the world.
melissa says:
Completely normal. My dad plays music at the farmers market for fun and my daughter used to play with him, she’d totally get into it and play her harmonica or dance up a storm. One day she just flat out refused. Took a while but she was back with the band eventually.
cindy w says:
Yep, normal. Catie used to freak out in crowds and we’d have to keep her in her stroller to calm her down. (Or, at things like outdoor concerts, just find her a place away from the big crowd where she could chill.) Now she’s all over that stuff, and the more people around, the happier she is. I have actually heard her say to children she doesn’t know, “Hi, kid! Wanna play wif me?”
Based on Annie’s past history of being really outgoing, I have a feeling that this is going to be a pretty short phase.
chris says:
I say let her be – in whatever situation. You are obviously a full-on extrovert – you get your energy from people and groups. Introverts don’t. It has nothing to do with shyness, really – more overwhelm and the enjoyment of solitude. (Ah, solitude…) Your daughter may fall somewhere in the middle, but you don’t know that yet – she has spent most of her life with adults in a controlled environment. My own daughter was outgoing at home and never loved groups and today has a fabulous job and life with excellent friends – not 150 acquaintances, mind you, but great friends she has chosen well. She still falls on the introvert side of the scale, much like myself, and I wouldn’t change a thing about her.
Wallydraigle says:
My fearless 18-month-old (just a week or two younger than Annie) is suddenly scared of a lot of things. It’s totally normal for this age. Especially if you through in a move. She’ll be okay!
Wallydraigle says:
Ahem. “Throw,” not “through.” Apparently I need more coffee.
Lisa says:
Perfectly normal. My daughter Maya has always been shy. We just let her go at her pace, usually eventually she’ll gather her nerve and join the crowd. I bet you’ll find Annie is back to her old self soon, especially since she was so outgoing before.
Reese says:
My daughter is extremely outgoing, but if a situation somehow makes her feel intimidated, she does the same thing Annie did. I can’t really predict what will necessarily make her feel intimidated either. I have found that she has stayed pretty friendly from the time she was a small baby (she’s 4 now) so I bet Annie will too.
Tami says:
I dont have any little ones any more. But Annie is so adorable and I love the pictures of her.
Trisha says:
It’s totally normal for her age for the kiddos to often shy away from something that they once showed a huge interest in, especially in new surroundings.
You said Rigby is having some issues adjusting to the new house, Annie may be experiencing a little of that herself now. Initially she might have thought it was great and just a little get away for the weekend or to visit but now you’re into several days and she might just closing up a little internally to try to adjust and adapt to everything being so new. I’ve got now Phd, but I experienced this a little with my kids through the years and it’s just my take on it.
Good luck and I’m sure Annie will be dancing the days away as soon as she’s all settled.
By the way, her little jean dress it too cute! You dress her so adorbably. Just curious if she has gotten to the stage of picking her own clothes out yet? My 2 year old is there and she is adamant about certain shoes and clothes every day.
Megan says:
These photos of Annie are so cute! My mom tells me when I was about her age, I went through a shy phase and was terrified of Santa. I’m sure she’ll be back to her happy dancing self soon.
On another note…I work at the UVA Health System, which has a NICU. I thought you might be interested in this news release about a heart monitoring device that can detect early signs of infections in infants: http://corporate.uvahealth.com/news-room/archives/new-monitor-invented-at-uva-saving-the-lives-of-premature-babies
BethRd says:
They definitely go through stages where things that were fine suddenly are scary, not just other people but dogs or bugs or whatever. It’s actually a sign of increasing cognitive sophistication I think. Suddenly they’re smart enough not to be all “Music! Yay! Dance!” but instead to think, “Hey, I don’t *know* any of these people, and they’re tall, and I’m short, and this is loud and unfamiliar. Maybe I should stick close to mom and not dance my heart out.” And then they get bigger and get over it again.
TracyKM says:
I just wanted to add a little something about shyness vs introverted. They are two totally separate personality traits. Someone who is shy has a hard time initiating social contact, while someone who is introverted gets their energy from an inward source, as opposed to being around/with other people. While neither shyness nor introvertness is praised in today’s culture, they don’t have to be the sole definers of a personality, thankfully. However, it does get complicated when you’re a shy extrovert, like me! I believe it IS possible to learn how to be not so shy, but it’s pretty hard to change where you get your energy from.