We saw Dr. Risky today for the first time in two weeks. It’s been weird to go so long without a visit to her office. In the words of her nurse practitioner, it was “a fairly uneventful appointment” for me.
I’ve come to dread the first part of the appointment – this is when I have to give a urine sample, get weighed, and have my blood pressure taken. It’s routinely become the time where I get lectured. I got on the scale and thought heavy thoughts, but it didn’t work. I lost weight again. I’m not in any danger of wasting away, but at the end of this pregnancy I think I might be able to fit in some of my original clothing from the 1980s.
Luckily, I didn’t have any ketones in my urine, so Dr. Risky chose to look on the bright side and I didn’t get a lecture on my weight loss. We discussed some of the different problems I’ve been facing. For the last two weeks, I’ve been suffering from some pretty unpleasant side effects from my nausea meds, so I told her the different solutions the nurse practitioner had suggested and their varying levels of success (or really, their complete lack of success). Dr. Risky is the doctor for a reason, and she gave me a great option that I am anxious to try.
That entire previous paragraph was about pee and poop. SHUDDER.
After we got THAT unpleasantness out of the way, Dr. Risky went over the results from my high-def ultrasound. She was happy with the way everything looked, which was a relief. She then asked me some questions about my pregnancy with Maddie – had I experienced contractions before my water broke (no), when I was officially diagnosed with PPROM (19 weeks), and if I suffered from oligohydramniosis (oh yeah). After the mini-interview, it was decided that I’d go back to a strict weekly monitoring schedule, which probably means more ultrasounds. Fine with me!
It was weird to think so much about my pregnancy with Maddie during this appointment. The nurse practitioner gave me all the paperwork I needed to pre-register for the hospital. There was also information on hospital tours, breastfeeding and infant care & CPR classes. All things I’d never been able to do before Madeline was born.
As we get further along and I feel Binky stretching and kicking with more and more regularity, I still can’t shake the terrible feeling of waiting for the other shoe to drop. I am glad I’m going back on a more strict weekly monitoring schedule (although really, I have been the whole time) to help keep my mind under control.
{ 70 comments… read them below or add one }
Sounds like you had a productive visit! During my third trimester I had weekly and then biweekly checkups thanks to pre-eclampsia. I hated my visits because each time I went my doctor restricted me from doing something else. By the end of my pregnancy I was allowed to lay on my side on the sofa. Good times.
.-= Lauren´s last blog ..A blog about blogging. And being crazy. =-.
It’s good that you had such a positive (I think) appointment. Let’s hope that shoe never drops – sometimes it just doesn’t, no matter how strongly we might feel that it’s going to. Lots of love and hugs to you all.
.-= Kate in NZ´s last blog ..Sleeping through =-.
I’m glad Dr. Risky is happy with how things are looking. And I hope that all the icky and unpleasant physical stuff you’ve had to go through eases up soon. Here’s hoping you gain some weight so you don’t get the lecture next time!
I’m glad your back on weekly appts if it helps to ease your mind, and I am SO glad that things are still looking so good with Binky. You are doing such an amazing job Heather!
I hope your tummy issues get under control. Having a license to eat and not being able to use it is super sucko!
xoxo
ali
.-= ali (adil320)´s last blog .. =-.
I know that feeling of waiting for the other shoe. You’re doing sucha wonderfu job, Heather. Keep hanging in there.
Much love to you.
.-= Sally´s last blog ..Holding pattern =-.
I can’t imagine how stressful and scary this whole experience is. So glad everything is looking good and that you will be meeting that little one soon. But not too soon, of course. Thinking of you both so much…
Great, things are still going well for your new daughter! Hope you feel better soon too. A suggestion… (which, of course, you don’t have to take) do you think you’d be comfortable posting how far along you are with Binky each week? I want to celebrate at how far along you two have come!
I don’t know any soothing advice to offer as you toil with your mind through this pregnancy with Binky, Heather. I know I’d be doing exactly as you are under the circumstances, minus the ability to blog about it. Please know how very much I’m pulling for you. Love & hope!
Barbara
I am so glad to hear they are keeping such a good eye on you.
For nausia, the best thing I had was Ginger tea.
It’s very stressful, worrying about what may happen…particularly when it’s happened before.
Thinking about you, hoping that you’ll eventually be wondering how in the world Binky decided to stay in the womb past her due date!!
.-= Lynn from For Love or Funny´s last blog ..Are you in my gene pool? =-.
I’ve been reading you for quite some time but never commented before. Though we are strangers I pray (in my own way as I’m not a fan of organized religion) for you and your family all of the time. I thank you for your bravery in telling us of your life and wish you all the best.
I’m so glad that you get to have your weekly appts, just for your peace of mind.
xo from CT,
Amanda
.-= amanda´s last blog ..what kind of tree am I? =-.
SO sorry that you’re having to go through all this, Heather. I wish you, Mike, and Binky the best. When is your due date, by the way?
I’m glad Dr. Risky is keeping such a close watch over you and Binky.
You’re doing great!
.-= charlane´s last blog ..Baby Girl =-.
Weekly appt are good. Stay strong Momma! We all love you and Binky!
Glad things are looking good and you get to see your daiughter every week now….YAHOO!!!!
I swear, for some reason, some of us have difficult pregnancies from the beginning. Both of mine were really difficult, with incessant nausea and weight loss, incompetent cervix, cerclage and bedrest – the second one for almost eighteen weeks. Yet, because of close monitoring, they prevented my pre-term labour with my son and for that I am eternally grateful. Sounds like you are in great hands. I know it doesn’t take away the internal fear that you must carry, but be assured that your healthy little baby at the end of it will make it all worth it. You are in our hearts and prayers every single day. Hang in there. You are one warrior mama!
Tricia
.-= Tricia (irishsamom)´s last blog ..Remembering 9/11 – Repost – 8 Years =-.
Hi there dear sweet Heather,
Your Dr. Risky is certainly taking very good care of you and the Binky Bean which I’m so pleased to read and I’m pleased that you will be seeing your Dr Risky every week again – you and your special Binky Bean are in very good hands. Please continue to take very good care of yourself. You are doing such a great job and you have all the love and support of all your fans who check in on you every day. Thank you for today’s up-date. You are always in my thoughts every day but especially on Tuesdays.
Sending you a hug from afar.
With love
Erica, your friend in Luxembourg
Great visit! I will continue to pray that every visit is that wonderful. I know the weekly visits will help set your mind at ease. Sounds like you have an awesome doctor!
~Hugs from TX
Hi, Heather. When I read your post about getting information on classes it really hit home. I was PPROM at 21 weeks with my twin girls. One of them ruptured and I was told there was no chance of survival. Last night that little one crawled across the floor one year to the day that she ruptured! I still feel a sense of loss, though, at missing out on the classes and all of the other joys of pregnancy. I’m so glad you will be able to experience that this time. Whenever I tell people how I feel a sense of loss over not having a normal pregnancy, they tell me I should be grateful that I have 2 healthy little girls. They just don’t get it. No one ever can unless they’ve been through it. I continue to pray for you and Binky every day.
Love,
Kim
Why is it when I go to the doctor, I always get so embarrassed to talk about poop? It’s not like they haven’t heard it before but I still find it mortifying.
I’m glad to hear that Binky is beating you up, that’s such a great feeling.
There’s going to be no other shoe, Heather. This is all good stuff, you’re making a wonderful baby girl in there. Just keep doing what you’re doing, you’re kicking ass!!
.-= Karen´s last blog ..Our house, is a very, very, very… =-.
I am praying for all of you! You are in such capable hands, I just know everything is going to be fine. I’m not sure when you’re due, but I’m hoping that you are close to bypassing the stage in your pregnancy where Maddie was born early. That will be a milestone that may comfort you a bit.
Jenni in Ohio
Dr. Risky must be a pretty good doctor. I think that a big part of taking care of the baby’s health is taking care of the mom’s mental health. Weekly visits seem to be just the key!
I’m glad that your body is cooperating for the most part. That goes a long way in restoring your brain’s trust.
.-= JennK´s last blog ..Fourteen. =-.
I don’t think there’s another shoe to drop. I think they’ve both already dropped. I’m glad you and Mike can feel Binky kicking, as I’m sure that helps reassure you both that she’s enjoying her warm swim.
Good old poo and pee issues. Blech. I hope you find some relief with those. And, of course, I hope the additional appointments can help your mental health a bit as well. Binky is certainly keeping you busy!
.-= Deborah´s last blog ..More Sketching =-.
I like Dr. Risky. Sounds like she’s doing a good job of taking care of you. Also: hope her advice helps with the nausea issues.
Btw, both the childbirth class AND the hospital tour gave me anxiety attacks, and I wasn’t dealing with any PTSD issues like you probably are. It’s just really freaking scary. I know that you and Mike are dealing with things every day that seem totally innocuous but that knock the wind out of you, so you’re likely prepared for that already. I just wanted to throw the warning out there, just in case.
xoxo
.-= cindy w´s last blog ..changes, and a couple of questions =-.
i haven’t experienced what you have, but i do have anxiety issues and too am waiting for the other shoe to drop most days. i really (really) find eckhart tolle’s ‘the power of now’ a big help in keeping my mind in the right place. grieving and celebrating and being scared at the same time must be really hard. i think of you and mike often, and hope you are able to enjoy the possibilities of this pregnancy.
In my mind, I see you having an easy 3rd trimester and birth, and walking out with a big healthy baby. A healthy baby. You deserve that. And it’s so possible.
so just keep going girly! day by day. look how great Binky is doing! hugs to mike too.
xo leel
I hope the strict weekly monitoring and more ultrasounds helps sooth your mind and heart. It can’t be easy, but it sounds like Binky is doing wonderfully so far and I hope things continue that way.
On another thought, if you plan on breastfeeding definitely check out the breastfeeding class. I took one and was glad I did. It was only a few hours long, but full of tons of info.
Hugs
.-= Lisa´s last blog ..Breastfeeding Challenges: The Lazy Nurser =-.
It sounds like Binky is doing fabulously! I’m so happy! I am on my 2nd pregnancy now too and didn’t gain a pound until the beginning of my 7th month. So, hopefully, your body will just do the same thing. It doesn’t sound like they give you a lot of feedback about how to gain weight. Almost as though they just expect you to just snap your fingers and put on ten pounds. Have you thought about doing one of those nutriotional drink things with the calories, like Boost or something?
Also, like you, I am waiting for the other shoe to drop and haven’t been through anything compared to you. But, even at nearly 33 weeks, I am in denial that this baby will actually be in my arms in about 50 days!
I wish I could give you some of my weight I have gained. I am so happy that everything is going well for you. I know it is no fun to worry all the time. God please keep holding up that other shoe!!!!!!
So glad that everything is going well. Praying for an uneventful pregnancy and a full term healthy little girl.
With Love,
Shannon
I have such a good feeling about Binky. She is going to be so healthy and happy. I just know!!
.-= Danielle´s last blog ..Can you add? What is 2 + 1? =-.
When I was pregnant with my daughter I was told at my 16 wk check-up that I wasn’t gaining enough weight (only 2 lbs total), so I ate and ate and ate for the next month. At my 20 week appt I had gained 5 more lbs, and was told I was gaining too quickly! What the f@#% !! I couldn’t please my OB. As far as weight goes, I firmly believe that as long as the you and the baby are healthy, weight isn’t as important as they make it out to be.
.-= Lindsay´s last blog ..A Week’s Worth of Us =-.
Hi Heather!
I hope you start feeling better soon and that you can find a way to relax a little and enjoy this special time with this baby.
So glad to hear that things are progessing well for you. I’m sorry you have been so sick and have had to put up with poop – literally!
I don’t know if this will even interest you, but….my husband isn’t really religious or anything but if he would have to pick one it would be Buddism. I was looking through one of his magazines the other day called Tricycle, and I saw a book review for The Blue Poppy and the Mustard Seed -A Mother’s Story about Loss and Hope. The author’s story is different than yours of course but I think the need to find peace, hope and a way to carry on after the loss of child is the same no matter what. Anyway, just an idea. Much love.
I am hoping that other shoe never drops! God Bless!
.-= Courtney´s last blog ..WTF a drive-by in boondock New York? =-.
totally understand the shoe drop feeling.. you’ve been wounded.
break out the ben & jerry’s.. pack on some winter weight.
.-= Momma Uncensored´s last blog ..calendar girl =-.
Oh Lord. I was on Zofran for the entirety of both of my pregnancies (hyperemesis), so I really, REALLY sympathize with you on the, uhhhh, negative (and just EW) side effects these and other anti-nausea meds can have.
. Let’s just say my husband hasn’t yet recovered and it’s been almost 2 years.
It was even worse because you find it hard to find someone to vent to because, well, you’re talking about poop here, and that takes a special kind of shoulder to cry on
I
.-= rkmama´s last blog ..The really (really) long tale of Keaton’s babyhood. Short version? We sleep trained him. It worked. The end. =-.
hang in there! We’re all holding our breath for you, so you can breathe easy! Take care!
.-= Ohmygoshi´s last blog ..Single Babies =-.
Whatever it takes to keep you sane my love. I am glad that you are going to get to see this precious little girl more often. She is so lucky to come to a family with so much love for her.
xoxo
.-= Kim´s last blog ..Full =-.
I hope the more frequent monitoring helps your stress level. I am thinking of you constantly! love you
It seems you have every reason of experience to be nail-biting through this pregnancy and like you and Mike are doing your best to keep it at bay, despite your well overloaded plates.
Along with the hundreds of others I check hear every single day with high hopes and grand wishes for you and Mike, for Maddie for her little sister, and for Binky.
You are going to be the mommy of two girls.
Thank you for continuing to share Maddie photos and videos, too. I love looking at and watching them.
.-= Karen ´s last blog ..Our Wedding Ceremony- the Karen version =-.
positive thoughts being sent your way!!!
.-= Heather´s last blog ..nothing too exciting =-.
I hope that the poo talk was awesome. Remind me to send you the poo in a bucket story I have. THAT was embarrassing.
.-= Aunt Becky´s last blog ..Delightfully Tacky And Unrefined =-.
I bet the weekly visits and ultrasounds will help put your mind at ease. Seeing a sweet little baby on the ultrasound screen always makes me feel better.
.-= Steph´s last blog ..Card Carrying Member of the Broken Bra Club =-.
Dr. Risky sounds great, and I’m glad the monitoring will continue/increase so you can hang on to your peace of mind.
.-= J´s last blog ..It’s a grab-bag roundup =-.
Thinking of you always. Glad you are going weekly – I hope that will ease your mind a little. Love.
Here’s fervently hoping for you, Heather. Though I don’t think you need my hoping–sounds like everything is going just fine as it is. But here’s hoping you start to feel better and put on a few pounds this week.
The other shoe is not going to drop. It already did. In fact, an army of shoes dropped. Worrying never changes the outcome of anything. If anything, it only worsens things. This is going to be a happy pregnancy. This is a going to be a healthy baby. It’s going to be ok.
*this is a friendly pep talk from a complete stranger.
Dr. Risky is so awesome.
how far along are you right now? Glad all is looking good and you get to see the dr every week….peace of mind is everything!
Sounds like a good visit and I agree that the weekly visits would give you peace of mind. So happy for you that everything is moving along! Positive thoughts!! Sending you hugs! XX
Sounds like Binky is growing and doing all she should be doing. Congratulations.
If it gives you piece of mind, that’s all that really matters. Sounds like it was a successful dr’s visit to me – can’t wait to hear how the rest of them go as you get closer and closer to the finish line!
.-= mommaruthsays´s last blog ..what once was old is new again =-.
Heather,
Just another stranger leaving a comment of hope and encouragement on your blog. I want so badly for things to work out for you. I think about you and your husband often. Maybe with this pregnancy there is no other shoe. This is a one shoe kinda pregnancy that they won’t let shop at walmart because no shirt, no shoes, no service.
Best,
Erin
You have experienced the flip side of a pregnancy, so it is very believable that you think back and wonder and wonder and wonder. I can so easily believe your fear and uncertainties…
I think that risk pregnancies should always be followed on a weekly base… Don’t know why they don’t put that down as default.
We are all sending good vibes….
.-= catherine Lucas´s last blog ..More time warp and into Masham Sheep Fair =-.
I have struggled with my weight since adolescence… gaining/losing multiple times. I was hoping to lose weight before I got pregnant with my son, Adam… and then maintain & gain 10-15 lbs. when pregnant. Of course, I lost weight when pregnant (and not before)… the only time in my entire life that I wanted to gain… I lost! It was almost surreal! I also DREADED stepping on the scale! Of course, after losing more weight once Adam was born, I had absolutely no problem gaining (& gaining) weight since then. Sigh.
It seems like Dr. Risky is taking great care of you. Hope the nausea/side effects begin to subside a bit!
Anyway, just wanted to let you know that I was thinking of you.
.-= Beth´s last blog ..Adam is 2 1/2 years old! =-.
I remember feeling just like you when I was pregnant with my daughter, Molly. My son Logan had passed away the previous year, and I aways felt like I was waiting for the other shoe to drop too. That feeling stayed with me for a long time. I praying for peace for you.
~Kimberly
I understand about waiting for the other shoe to drop. I give you kudos for every day that you are powering onward. We did not lose a child so I can not even begin to understand your pain- we miscarried our first pregnancy after 3 rounds of IUI, 4 rounds of clomid – I was a really fun person. The sad thing was I look back on my second pregnancy and I didn’t really enjoy it (besides the vomiting for 30 weeks) because I kept expecting something to go wrong. Please make sure that even though this is a risky pregnancy – you enjoy it. Luckily my pessimistic attitude played in my favor – I wasn’t shocked to have to move my scheduled C section for the breech baby up a week due to leaking fluid. My husband a wreck, my best friend horribly upset as she flew up the road (total guilt for 3 walk in the park pregnancies and deliveries) and my parents there are as always. Best of Luck and hang in there.
I am proud of you for holding it all together for Binky and Mike. Now, you need to relax so you can gain some weight. Eat Late at night! That always packs on the pounds for me!
Oh well. Listen to what your told by the good ol’ doctor and Binky will be fine! You are probably what, about 20-22 weeks? You are doing good. I know you are fearful, but you are in good hands. I am praying for you every day.
Oh Heather!
I know how you feel…I went to every visit with baited breath with both my pregnancies.
My first pregnancy uncovered a diseased and toxic kidney that needed to wait until after the baby to be addressed…the second was dicey because I only had one kidney left at that point.
You,Mike and Binky are in my prayers every day.
I feel like I found your blog so you would have one extra set of prayers!
.-= Eleanor´s last blog ..Perfect Day =-.
In my family, we are always waiting for the proverbial other shoe to drop for one loved one or another so I understand the feeling. But I, for one, am willing to pray and cross fingers to keep that other shoe from dropping! I so want you to enjoy your pregnancy and all of the feelings and movements that only a mother can enjoy. Love and prayers from Fort Worth.
I’ve been pregnant 3 times and each was a whole new ball game, each unique and different. Most mothers will say the same.
Sounds like a great appointment and you are well cared for which must be reassuring. And love the fact you will get more regular ultra sounds; hopefully that will help ease your minds.
Wishing nothing but the BEST for you all and looking forward to ‘meeting’ Miss Binky
Dr. Risky sounds fantastic! It seems you are in really good hands. I commented on your last post but wanted to just say again that I read your blog ALL of the time because I want to. Not out of obligation or pity, but because I think you’re an incredible mother and woman and I’ve learned a lot about parenting from you.
Regarding the classes, I took a childbirth class that I found to be really helpful, but it wasn’t at a hospital. The hospital childbirth class was more frustrating than anything and involved about 7,000 questions about epidurals.
.-= Laurie´s last blog ..Incident Report =-.
I don’t know if ya’ll believe in God–hell, I don’t know how often or how much I do–but you and your entire family are in my thoughts and prayers. Here’s sending lots of positives thoughts to Binky the future soccer player!
.-= Nat W.´s last blog ..nlw44: I need to lose weight & exercise bores me. I need a hobby that will make me not realize I’m working out. Suggestions? =-.
;( about the side effects, but very glad Dr. Risky is getting you back on weekly appointments, and that Binky is being a healthy little mover and shaker! ;p
*hugs*
I think it’s so sweet that you are continuing your morning ritual with Binky. Is she a night owl too?
.-= Sarah´s last blog ..12 or 13, who’s counting? =-.
uh… that comment was supposed to go on your other post… sorry…
.-= Sarah´s last blog ..12 or 13, who’s counting? =-.
I’ve taken Zofran for the better part of three pregnancies and for 9 months in this last one. I’m guessing that the side effect you referred to is the constipation…pooping rocks is no fun! Talk to your doctor about taking Miralax. It’s over the counter and very helpful. I’ve recommended the hyperemesis.org forums before…if you haven’t checked them out, I again suggest that you do if you have time. So helpful and supportive.
Praying for a healthy pregnancy.