Triggers

The thing that I was completely not expecting after Jackie’s death was to feel like Maddie died all over again. I told a friend that I have a compartment in my head that I keep all my sadness in, and it’s been ripped open. All of the emotions are flooding me, and I am surprisingly…

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The Little Troublemaker

“So there was this little ‘a-hole kid’ in Annie’s swim class this summer.” That was how I originally planned to start this post, but when I re-read the sentence I realized it was no way to talk about a little guy. Still, this kid definitely made Annie’s swim class… interesting.

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Ocean Cleanse

All summer, we’ve been saying that we wanted to take Annie to the beach. Then suddenly, it was August and we hadn’t gone. I felt bad; we live so close to the beach it practically requires effort to not go. When I was a kid it felt like we went to the beach every summer…

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Reflection

In February, after Jackie received the news that her tumor had stopped responding to treatments, a million different thoughts and feelings rushed through me. At night when I would lay awake, I kept coming back to my pain for her parents. One night at who-knows-what hour, I woke Mike up because I was just so…

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Making It Real

We were driving back to Los Angeles after Jackie’s memorial when, somewhere along the long stretch of the 101 Freeway that passes through nothing but farmland, I noticed Heather looked incredibly uneasy. “I can’t go home,” she said. “I can’t do it.” I peered into the rear view mirror at Annabel, then out at the…

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