She Would Be Two

November 11, 2009

Last year on the morning of your birthday I wrote you a letter while you lay sleeping beside me. You were so much fun when you were awake, but I loved it when you slept. I often would lay down next to you and breathe you in, watching your eyelids flutter as you dreamed your [...]

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Her Own Beat

November 10, 2009

Madeline was a little girl who knew what she wanted. When she wanted to be held, she let you know, but if she wanted to be on her own there was literally no holding her back. She loved to play with people but she also really enjoyed playing alone. It always made me laugh when [...]

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A Girl’s Best Friend

November 9, 2009

From the moment we discovered I was pregnant with Madeline, we knew it was just a matter of time before Rigby threw us over for the baby. It started right away. her pride is evident She even came to visit when I was on hospital bed rest. it was totally allowed. cough. And when she [...]

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Cream Puffs

November 6, 2009

After Madeline’s big birthday bash, we kept things much more mellow on the actual day she turned one. My friend Casey and her daughter the moosh were in town, so we took the girls to a fun indoor play yard. Maddie had a blast watching the moosh climb all over everything. Maddie idolized her. After [...]

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In The Scheme Of Things

November 5, 2009

We spent Tuesday at the ER and it was hard, so hard. In the almost seven months since Madeline passed, I have carried the pain of losing her inside me, where no one can see it. Often I would wish that it could manifest itself into some sort of physical ailment, something visible so others [...]

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Last Nerve

November 4, 2009

Yesterday felt like the day that wouldn’t end. Heather’s appointment with Dr. Risky was at 10 am, so I packed her into the car and drove carefully to UCLA so as not to jostle Heather’s shoulder. I knew she was really hurting when she said, “after this appointment, I think I need to go to [...]

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