Heartbeats

September 11, 2009

When I was on hospital bed rest, I was attached to monitors 24 hours a day. I despised the contraction belt and the blood pressure monitor – they were uncomfortable and woke me up often. My favorite was the monitor that tracked Madeline’s heart. It was so reassuring to be able to look over at [...]

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Miss

September 10, 2009

Every day we look at each other and say, “I miss her.” “Miss” is such an insufficient word for how we feel. But IS there a better word? Crave, desire, long, need, pine, wish, yearn, these are all descriptive words, but they don’t quite do it…they don’t convey the hole in our lives, the ache [...]

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Full Moon

September 9, 2009

When I wake up in the morning I can usually tell within an hour what kind of day I’m going to have physically. There are a few options: Headache Nausea Regular pregnancy tiredness If I get a headache or nausea alone, I’m going to have a less-than ideal day, but one where I can function. [...]

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Flowers and Candles

September 8, 2009

Yesterday I wrote a song inspired by Maddie and recorded it on my iPhone. Flowers and Candles Flowers and candles on the side of the road Flowers and candles on the side of the road I used to drive right on by But now they make me cry Because I’ve got flowers and candles in my [...]

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Sorting It Out

September 8, 2009

The weekend before Madeline got sick, I got crazy motivated and decided I was going to get organized. While Mike played with Maddie before we went to a birthday party, I pulled out all the clothes that were in the closet she and I shared. Maddie had just had a big growth spurt, and suddenly [...]

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Five

September 7, 2009

Our family on Labor Day 2008 It’s one of the few pictures of all of us. There was always a reason not to take one. Someone was cranky, or had no make up on, or hadn’t showered. We thought we had years to take more family photos. It still seems unfathomable that she’s gone. Impossible [...]

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