Comments on: Stages

By: Talon

Talon — Mon, 03 Aug 2009 00:23:46 +0000

I apologize if I’m bothering you, replying to old posts.

But I found this poem, early on and felt that it adequately described how I felt about the death of my child, and even the death of my grandparents who died the same year. (bolding mine, if html works)

Dirge without Music

Edna St. Vincent Millay

I am not resigned to the shutting away of loving hearts in the hard ground.
So it is, and so it will be, for so it has been, time out of mind:
Into the darkness they go, the wise and the lovely. Crowned
With lilies and with laurel they go; but I am not resigned.

Lovers and thinkers, into the earth with you.
Be one with the dull, the indiscriminate dust.
A fragment of what you felt, of what you knew,
A formula, a phrase remains, — but the best is lost.

The answers quick & keen, the honest look, the laughter, the love,
They are gone. They have gone to feed the roses. Elegant and curled
Is the blossom. Fragrant is the blossom. I know. But I do not approve.
More precious was the light in your eyes than all the roses in the world.

Down, down, down into the darkness of the grave
Gently they go, the beautiful, the tender, the kind;
Quietly they go, the intelligent, the witty, the brave.
I know. But I do not approve. And I am not resigned.

By: Joie

Joie — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 16:31:33 +0000

I can’t put into words how much I think it SUCKS that Maddie is not down here with you…And I agree with so many of the comments on here – I SO wish that I could just take an ounce, a drop, a anything away from you for just one day. But…I can’t. I pray for you to eventually find peace within yourself to forgive yourself…but that is much easier for me to say from where I sit, isn’t it? Remember – Maddie loves you and SHE doesn’t blame you. Plain and simple. You are her mommy. You may never accept that she isn’t here on earth any longer, and that’s understandable. I can’t imagine I would either…I just hope you eventually find a way to only grieve her not being here physically and stop blaming yourself for things you have had no control over. Loss of control sucks too…but if Love alone could have kept her here…well, she wouldn’t be up there with her angel wings. You will see her again. Her and her beautiful smile. And the hugs and snuggles you give each other will be more than you ever could have dreamed.

By: Tina

Tina — Sun, 21 Jun 2009 04:08:24 +0000

Sorry just doesn’t cut it, I know.

I am so painfully sorry for what you have been through, are going through, and will continue to go through.

I think Maddie was the most loved little girl in the world.

You are great parents!

By: Karen

Karen — Sat, 20 Jun 2009 19:15:53 +0000

Acceptance does not have to mean accepting her having gone.
Just the acceptance that you could have done no more, loved no more nor prayed no more for your beautiful daughter. Accepting that may just make the next few hours easier.
After that find something else that you can accept about your life.
Little steps on a long, long road to peace

By: MG @ MommyGeekology

MG @ MommyGeekology — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 13:24:14 +0000

Nic said it so well. You are certainly loved. Maddie is loved. I believe that she can see all of this, see how her life has and still is making ripples across the world.

Perhaps you won’t find acceptance in the way that you would expect – no mother can simply accept and move on – perhaps acceptance needs a new definition here. Perhaps acceptance is simply the stage where you finally, eventually, find some peace in your life. I haven’t lost a child… but I hope that you have a chance for peace.
.-= MG @ MommyGeekology´s last blog ..Brutally Honest. =-.

By: tiff

tiff — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 10:30:19 +0000

Heather,
It is the hardest journey of your life that you are on.
For me, the anger has almost gone but there are still flickers some days.
There are still days of absolute sadness.
The bargaining and the shock are gone
The guilt for me has never gone away and I still find it hard to accept that I will never see my son grow up and I am five years along.
You are right, I think. You never really heal from losing your baby.

By: Mama Kat

Mama Kat — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 05:01:58 +0000

I wonder how many of us leave comments and regret not turning the “comment luv” off…some of them seem so inappropriate.

By: Mama Kat

Mama Kat — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 04:58:29 +0000

My heart hurts for you. And I mean that truly. No parent should have to experience this…I can’t even fathom. Thank you for writing. You’re a beautiful writer.
.-= Mama Kat´s last blog ..Writer’s Workshop: Say Goodnight! =-.

By: Laura

Laura — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 05:29:19 +0000

You don’t have to accept the loss of your daughter. Not ever. You were dealt a shi*tty hand and it is not fair. You WILL survive it, you WILL experience joy and happiness again. And that is what Maddie would want for her Mommy. But you don’t have to accept it. And you don’t have to heal completely from it because how can you, really? What you can do is live a life that she would be proud of, and fill your time with love, laughter and memories until you get reunited with your precious little angel. Sending you hugs and prayers as always. xoxo

By: Venti Vixen

Venti Vixen — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 05:21:13 +0000

(((HUGS))) I think of you guys and Maddie every day.
.-= Venti Vixen´s last blog ..An Open Letter to that Unfit Mother in Safeway =-.