Yes, she does have to feel this way because it is how she feels.

Do not ever criticize a grieving parent, even if you are one (as I am). Grief is hard, hard work. Grieving the death of your child is a lifetime of hard work, and Heather has barely set foot on the path. I’m twelve years down the path, and I can tell you though I do not know Heather personally that what she writes, how she feels and what she does is exactly what she needs to be doing.

Do not attempt to know another’s pain.

And I don’t care if this post is more than a month old. Though I don’t read this blog on a regular basis, I live the reality of life without my son every minute of every hour of every single day and I will continue to do so for the rest of my LIFE.

No two people grieve the same way, and the “steps of grief” are less like a staircase and much more like a wagon wheel, with spokes pointing out in all directions from a center piece. You don’t move through stages of grief, you stumble and fall and deal with your life and the death of your child. Just because someone is in an anger phase now doesn’t mean that if they slip back to denial that they won’t head back to anger or guilt or any of the “stages of grief” at any time.

Do not…ever…try to tell a grieving parent what is “normal” and what is not.

Just…don’t. You have no idea. And the bereaved parents of the world hope you never, ever do.

Talon

If you have not, do try and seek some kind of therapy. My husband and I did straight away together and it was the best thing we ever did, because our ways of grieving were so different, having someone in a position of “authority” tell us it was okay was…huge.

But also because I look back at the things I wrote and said the first two-3 YEARS after Rhys died, and I am seriously amazed that I survived. I was literally insane with grief and didn’t know it.

I am not nor would I ever tell you what you are doing or how you are feeling is wrong. It isn’t. But I am shocked that I lived like that for so long, only seeking medical intervention when I had postpartum depression after my daughter was born.

It was that bad, looking back from where I am now.

Something to consider if you have not already. If you have, please forgive my forwardness.

All the best,
Talon

But anger is something I well know. My infant son died twelve years ago due to undiagnosed Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome. He was four days old.

I still have serious anger issues. And I’ll tell you straight out that I no longer apologize for them nor make excuses for them.

You asked, “Am I protecting others, or myself? I don’t really know.”

The truth is both and neither. I’ll be honest, the first time I went off on someone, in a hugely public place it felt GOOD. To this day it still feels good. I was sick of family and friends telling me that I needed to think of other people’s feelings, when no one gave a rat’s ass about mine.

I regret none of my angry outbursts, attacks, retorts or thoughts. Anger is at the very least honest and real.

Anyway.

You’ve already heard this, I’m sure, but I’ll say what I have to say anyway.

1) The pain never gets better. Never. You just learn new and better tools to deal with it. The pain will never, ever fade, diminish or go away. Not that you want it to.

2) A wise woman once told me that the path to healing begins with the thousandth telling. Let no one silence you. People come to me for advice about their friends and family who have lost babies or children, and I tell them that the hardest thing to do and the most helpful and important thing to do for them is to LISTEN. Don’t talk, listen.

It’s hard because it is human nature to want to fix things. And of course, this is unfixable.

Anyway. Your last sentence just struck me, and I thought I’d give you my 25 cents worth of opinion and experience.

Best of luck to you, yours and Maddie’s little brother or sister.

Talon

It doesn’t matter if how old your baby is, or if you have more than one, or if you tried for ten years or the pregnancy was a “surprise”…….it doesn’t necessarily mean you love your child any less and it doesn’t make it hurt any less
.-= Sarah Denley´s last blog ..Another Facebook Meme….15 Things/People That Have Made My Life Better =-.

i happen to be someone who just “got pregnant” and I don’t think I love my child any less than Heather

My second child is autistic. All of my hopes and dreams for a normal childhood died with that diagnosis. She’s beautiful, she’s alive, but underneath the facade-our lives are horrible. I mourn each passing day and feel hate for parents that have ‘normal’ children.

If I could let it be taken away, like you, I would. In a heartbeat. I wouldn’t care where ‘it’ went, as long as ‘it’ was gone. All of the thoughtless and snide comments could go elsewhere. I could have my baby back. 7 years and a future lifetime of grief and mourning- gone.

You’re not a bad person. These kind of thoughts are not evil, who cares what anyone else says? They can chastise forever, it wasn’t their child taken away.

I feel for you and I really hope that some sort of peace comes to you. Your heart deserves it.

A. don’t have children
B. aren’t visiting a headstone with their kid’s name on it.

Something just tells me that.

I have heard people say that it is harder to lose a child when they are small because you always wonder about the “would have beens”.

This blog is an amazing tribue to Maddie, Heather. Thank you for letting us get to know her.

You are strong and resilient and your daughter is just a chip off the ol’ block, that much is obvious.
.-= Rach´s last blog ..way of things =-.