Grief Dance

June 15, 2009

There is a lot of pressure that comes with grieving. Every day, we get watched, observed, sized up. People are constantly looking to us to set the tone. We can hear them holding their breath, waiting for us to smile, or laugh, or cry. We are also holding our breath, waiting to see how people [...]

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Inquisitive Cutie

June 11, 2009

Maddie was such a curious little girl. I remember one occasion when I was holding her in the NICU. She was on my lap facing me, but her eyes were focused on the nursing staff bustling behind me. And even though I know newborns can’t see well (especially preemies), but I could swear that she [...]

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Applause

June 11, 2009

I’ve joked about Maddie being my sidekick but she really was. We took her everywhere with us. We weren’t those people that just brought their kid inappropriate places or anything like that. We only brought her when she was invited – and she was always invited. Last June we went to a party in honor [...]

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Sitting By My Telephone

June 10, 2009

Maddie had long, skinny fingers like her Daddy. Mike hoped that she would use them to make music. He could picture her fingers playing the guitar or dancing across a keyboard. I’d had those hopes, too, but I also knew those fingers would also help her with something very important – pushing buttons. Not figurative [...]

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A Thousand Words

June 8, 2009

I remember after my grandma passed away, I found things of hers all around me. Letters she’d written, old birthday cards, pillows that she’d quilted. It was so nice to connect with my grandma in these discoveries. Unfortunately, I don’t really have this with Madeline. There are reminders of her everywhere, but no cards she’d [...]

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Time, Time, Time, See What’s Become Of Me

June 7, 2009

Dear Maddie, Time is playing tricks on your daddy and me. You left us two months ago. Sometimes it feels like you were just here. I’ll go in your room, and I can still smell you, hear your laughter. Your toys are still in your room, in your crib where you liked them. I still [...]

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