Hospital Minutes
12:01 am: finally get Madeline settled, only for a Respiratory Therapist to enter the room for a breathing treatment.
12:05 am: try not to laugh when the Respiratory Therapist tells you she was certain Maddie “had some black in her,” because her hair is curly. Resist making inappropriate jokes and instead politely inform the RT that Maddie is so white you can see her blood vessels through her skin.
12:36 – 1:35 am: get excited because Conan is on! Then get sad because it’s his last week. Then laugh a lot. Then calm the baby because you woke her with your laughing.
1:36 am: put the TV on mute because Carson Daly is on.
2:00 am: dislodge Maddie’s foot from your rib, finally fall asleep.
3:00 am: wake up because the Respiratory Therapist is back.
3:49 – 5:00 am: fruitlessly attempt to keep Maddie comfortable so she (and you) can sleep.
5:01- 7:03 am: Gratefully had Maddie to St. Grandma, who went to bed at a normal hour. Sleep in Maddie’s hospital bed without having to share the space. It’s luxurious.
7:20 – 7:35 am: watch a nurse, resident, RT, charge nurse, and care partner piss Maddie off during exams and vital checks. Start refusing vitals just because you can.
7:36 – 7:45 am: Dr. Loove arrives. She is pissed about the false-negative RSV test. Watch her kick ass and take names. Consider asking her to be a sister-wife. Listen to her plan of attack (take Maddie off IV fluids AS LONG AS MADDIE CAN KEEP FOOD DOWN, slowly wean off oxygen, remove antibiotics, add oral steroid, possibly go home ON FRIDAY), wave goodbye.
7:46 to 8:00 am: Mike arrives. Spend 15 minutes with him before he has to go to work.
8:01 to 11:00 am: SLEEP. St. Grandma sits in a rocking chair with sleeping Maddie. Everything is awesome in your sleep. You are a viking.
11:01 am: Wake up. Watch Maddie barf EVERYTHING SHE’S EVER EATEN IN HER LIFE. Start thinking that going home on Friday might not happen. Clean Maddie up.
11:30: take a shower. Realize that taking a shower in the rain would have been just as cold, but the water pressure would have been better.
1:00 pm: Maddie is BORED. Make diaper hats. Realize your daughter is greedy when she tries to take yours. Feel sad about your parenting skills. Then retaliate by taking her hat. Say words like, “neener neener” and “in your FAAAAACE!”
2:30 pm: feel a bit ashamed about the diaper incident. Remember you are supposed to be the adult. Make it up to Maddie by playing Beauty Shop.
4:00 pm: watch Ellen, of course.
6:30 pm: Mike is done with work! Hand him Maddie. Feel your heart melt as she snuggles into him. Raise your eyebrows when she burps. Then burps again. Then vomits everything she ever ate all over Mike. Remark that you are keeping score, and since Maddie was born you have been thrown up on four times while Mike has been thrown up on 87 times (no joke). Receive death stare.
6:31 pm: consider lying to the nurses about second giant vomit, then realize you are out of hospital gowns. Weigh the options of naked baby vs gowned baby. The decision is made for you when Mike and St. Grandma tell the nurse to bring a new gown. Realize you would have gotten away with it if it wasn’t for those darn kids!
6:32 – 8:45 pm: have happy Maddie back! Play with her, cuddle her, get kisses, and think, “gosh golly, maybe we WILL go home on Friday.” Then she gets cranky so you drug her up with contraband Tylenol.
9:00 pm: watch Grey’s Anatomy. Feel really stupid when the night nurse ridicules the show. Then realize she’s right, Grey’s is totally weird now.
10:45 pm: Maddie slips into a state of semi-consciousness. Try moving her to a small part of the bed. Watch her immediately return to her previous position. Repeat four times.
11:58 pm: Finally get yourself and Maddie comfortable, only for the freaking respiratory therapist AND care partner to arrive at the same time. Refuse vitals, only to have care partner get snotty. Get all up in her grill and REFUSE VITALS AGAIN. Tell care partner to write on her sheet, “Baby is still alive, with three exclamation points!” Get death stare.
11:59 pm: cross fingers that you actually get to take your baby home on Friday.
perksofbeingme says:
I’m still keeping Maddie in my thoughts. I wish I lived near you because I would come and take a shift with Maddie so you can get some sleep. Let me know if there is anything I can do.
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Ms. Moon says:
I so hope the next post we read of yours is about Maddie being home where the beds are bigger and there are no care partners.
Ms. Moons last blog post..Me, Myself, My Own Worst Enemy
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Marinka says:
What a time you’ve had–I’ve been following your tweets and sending good “go home soon” thoughts, but apparently they’re not as powerful as I thought. I have no idea how you did it, but this post is hysterical. Love the Beauty Salon pic. Hope Maddy is all better soon.
Marinkas last blog post..Don’t Touch My Hair, You Hetero!
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Jen says:
I’m glad I’m not the only one who got a chuckle out of this. I think it’s amazing that you can find humor in the small things. Maddie is one lucky little girl! Hope today goes better for you both. I totally need a cult hat too
Jens last blog post..I am absolutely not being political here.
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Tiffany says:
Poor baby and momma! My prayers are with you both. Hope she feels better soon.
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AMomTwoBoys says:
OMFG, I love you.
I SO hope you get to go home today. If not, I might be abandoning my kids and sneaking you some mojito’s.
AMomTwoBoyss last blog post..Solicitations
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Domestic Extraordinaire says:
how do they expect patients to get better if they keep waking them up?!!?
Hoping you get to take Maddie home today.
((hugs))
Domestic Extraordinaires last blog post..You Blink and its Gone
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Susan says:
I had to laugh about the therapist saying Maddie must have “some black in her”. I get that all the time about my whiter than white, almost so pale that she GLOWS, 19 month old. She also has a head full of curls but in addition to that, BABY’S GOT BACK.
: )
On a more serious note, fingers and toes crossed for Maddie to go home today.
Susans last blog post..
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Della says:
Sending every bit of love and hope I’ve got over for you.
I’m used to meeting new friends in MMORPGs when I am interacting with them regularly, and they know me and it’s a common friendship. Until a couple months ago, I never, ever thought I would care this much about people that, not only have I not ever met, but who have no idea who I am.
But here I am, worrying for you.
Dellas last blog post..Response to HBM, again
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punkinmama says:
Hoping you get to take Maddie home today. She’s lucky to have a Mommy like you!
punkinmamas last blog post..all boy
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Alison says:
Yeah, what is with them always waking the baby up? I am pretty sure “rest” is one of the prescriptions for getting better!
Alisons last blog post..Twin Saints (No, Certainly Not Us)
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PsychMamma says:
Oh, how I know about those hospital minutes. A portable DVD player and a stack of movies saved our sanity the last visit.
Good for you for standing up and refusing vitals. Sleep is SOO important. Hoping that today is the day that you can all go home. I’m sure Maddie’s as ready as you are!
P.S. Love the diaper hats!
PsychMammas last blog post..Success
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pgoodness says:
Fingers crossed for going home today! She definitely is looking better in those pictures!!
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Adriennevh says:
Not to be a downer …..When we had finally resigned ourselves to the fact that our mom was going to die, we signed her into the hospice care of the hospital and settled in to wait. Damned if the frikking charge nurse didn’t come in trying to take her damn vitals every two hours. She came very close to getting bitch slapped at one point and didn’t return after that.
THe diaper hats and makeover are gorgeous, Maddie definately has a career in fashion design in her future.
ps I walked around the block today in my preparation for the March of Dimes. I figure I better work myself up to the 3 or however many miles it is. You may have to hold my hand for the last one.
Adriennevhs last blog post..You be the judge
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blissfully caffeinated says:
I hope Maddie is better soon. Thinking a good thought for you all and hope you are home in your own beds tonight.
blissfully caffeinateds last blog post..And also? Faye Dunaway scares me.
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ali says:
sending going home vibes to you lady!
alis last blog post..an awfully big adventure (or: bomb. dropped.)
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merlotmom says:
I’m crossing my fingers you’ll be in your own bed tonight.
merlotmoms last blog post..Is My Son Becoming A Bully?
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Lisa says:
Sending lots of ((hugs)) and go home soon vibes your way.
I will never understand why they insist on waking a sleeping baby to get vitals. What point does that serve, ugh!! Just let the poor thing, and poor momma sleep.
Lisas last blog post..Vaccines Don’t Cause Autism
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Kimmie says:
Been praying my guts out for you. Casey told me Maddie was in the hospital.
Huge frowny face, but she looks so happy, and with the best mama in the world, she is in good hands.
I wish I were closer, then I would bring you food and love and hold her while you dreamed of vikings.
Go Heath!
Kimmies last blog post..LOST
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maya says:
You do know that Neve is named because of Conan Obrien’s daughter Neve? I heard him say it once on TV and I was like “ooh, what a pretty name- will keep in memory banks until need be”
Hope she comes home soon. Love you guys!
mayas last blog post..On a cold winter’s morning
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Andrea's Sweet Life says:
I SO hope Maddie gets to go home today, if only because it means she is definitely on the mend. She is the bravest little person I know! And you’re not too far off, Mom.
Andrea’s Sweet Lifes last blog post..Mending Fences
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Maura says:
I’m also pulling for her to get to go home soon. I love how you don’t take crap from the doctors!
Mauras last blog post..Year of Living Generously Update
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Stefanie says:
I hope you got released from prison. I’d say that “hey, I live so close, let me come help” but I’d be lying because I have THREE KIDS. But I am available for any and all venting on the phone. That’s how I roll.
Your post made me laugh out loud. In sleep I am a Viking! Classic.
Stefanies last blog post..Let’s Talk About Idol
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Joe says:
why the hell do they need to check her at midnight and 3am???? They have no common sense sometimes.
Anyway, I hope Maddie’s doing better, and you and Mike are getting your rest too.
Joes last blog post..Suck On This – Part II
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moosh in indy. says:
One of my favorite posts ever.
I heart you so hard.
You are one of the strongest people I know.
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cindy w says:
1) I hope y’all are home by the time you read this.
2) Whenever we end up in the hospital again (because I’m pretty sure it’s inevitable at some point), I am SO going to refuse vitals when they try to wake her up. I didn’t even know that was an option. I am so impressed with you for standing up to the Big Scary Hospital Nurses like that.
cindy ws last blog post..playdates and sickies
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Christy says:
Thinking and praying for you, Mike and Miss Maddie!! You are the best mom.
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kerry says:
Hope that Maddie is home and feeling better.
kerrys last blog post..The Maddie-a-Day project
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Rock and Roll Mama says:
Heather- that Maddie is a tough girl like her Mama (and her Dad, and her Dad!) I love how you find humor even in the midst of what is such a challenging time- here’s to Dr. Looooove sending you home soon with your girl. RSV season sucks. All best to you.
Rock and Roll Mamas last blog post..Sunday Night Menu Plan & Song to kick it off
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Jennifer says:
Oh no–poor Maddie! My daughter had RSV plus pneumonia when she was 2 mos. and I clearly remember those endless days and nights in the hospital–especially that resp. lady coming in and waking her up.
I hope she’s feeling much better soon! She sure looks cute in the pics!
Jennifers last blog post..Oscar Time!
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Robin ~ PENSIEVE says:
It probably serves all of y’all VERY well that you’re able to find the humor in all this. Bless…your…HEARTS!
Robin ~ PENSIEVEs last blog post..Build a Poem, Build a Bear!
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Angella says:
You have such a great heart and spirit, Heather! Here’s to a healthy Maddie!
Angellas last blog post..The Office
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Sarah says:
Am proud of you for sticking to your “no vitals” guns. Way to go momma. Our prayers are with you and Maddie
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