You missed out on the swelling–I tend to not carry weight in my face until the very end of my pregnancies, but when I do, I look like a moon pie. I’ll email you pictures if you don’t believe me.

The worst part for me (and those lucky enough to be close to me) is the mood swings. I turn into a rage-a-holic at the end. Anything, everything makes me so angry I could bite. And maybe I even do.

Dude, I’m sorry you feel cheated, I don’t blame you. I felt like that when I couldn’t breastfeed Ben and after successfully breastfeeding Alex, I know that I didn’t miss out on that much except the weirdness factor.

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And I do like the pics of my hugely pregnant belly. Still kind of fun to check those out sometimes and marvel at how this *person* came out of there.

The negatives: everything else. I spent my entire third trimester sick as a dog (lost all my pregnancy weight while I was still pregnant – NOT COOL, since it was all muscle and not fat). I was miserable. As for the birth issue: my water broke (in the bathroom, thank God) and they had to give me Pitocin to start contractions. So I don’t have that whole “going into labor” experience – feeling contractions and wondering if it was time to go to the hospital, etc. I also got the drugs as soon as they allowed me to, so I didn’t have much in the way of natural childbirth pain. I’m a wimp like that.

Btw, most pregnant women and new moms are more than happy to tell you all the good & bad about their experience. So stop worrying about making their experience about you and just ask away. I’m sure they’ll happily oblige.

I am sorry that you feel cheated. I totally get that, especially given how Maddie spent her first several weeks out in the world. But at least that beautiful little girl is here and healthy now. How she got here isn’t really all that important in the grand scheme of things.

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- The ATTENTION! I’m one of the (apparently) rare people who loved having people ask questions about my due date, the sex of the baby, and even how much weight I’d gained, and I totally didn’t mind strangers touching my belly. I’m kind of an attention whore (only child syndrome).

- SEEING the baby move. I felt my son kick rather early (around 16 weeks), which was cool and all, but the most amazing thing was when I got really pregnant (say 30 weeks +) and he would roll over and you could actually see my whole belly move, even through my clothes. Or there would be this odd lump sticking out from a knee or elbow or whatever. It was wild – totally freaked my husband out, by the way.

- The food. I’m sure you had cravings too, but from what I remember hospital food isn’t so great, so you have my sympathies. My personal favorite thing to do was sending my husband out to Sonic for a strawberry banana smoothie at 2am.

- Labor. Don’t get me wrong, contractions hurt like a mofo, but something about the whole process was so cool to me. I mean, it was like my body was on autopilot and knew exactly what to do without any direction from me. It all felt so natural (and I’m far from a hippie-chick) that I plan to do a homebirth next time.

- Actually going home the day after delivery, baby in arms. That’s the thing that always breaks my heart when I hear stories like yours. I just can’t imagine not being able to have my baby with me immediately. I’m so, so sorry for all the trauma that you and Maddie and Mike went through in the first days and weeks, and I’m impressed with how strong y’all seem because (and even in spite) of it.

The things you probably missed that I could have done without:

- The heartburn. My one major complaint about pregnancy was the heartburn. After about the 30 week mark, it became unbearable and I had to sleep in my husband’s Lazy Boy half the time because I thought I was gonna DIE if I was flat on my back. People swore the heartburn meant my baby would have a lot of hair – he was bald as an egg!

- Fat in weird places. I expected to gain weight in my stomach, hips, thighs, and even butt when I was pregnant. What nobody told me was that my face would get fat. I hate looking at pictures of my last few weeks of pregnancy (and first few weeks postpartum) because I don’t even look like myself – even my nose got all stretched out of whack.

- Maternity clothes. They’re expensive and never look cute on people who are actually pregnant.

- Sneaky stretch marks. I was SO proud that I never got stretch marks on my tummy and was sure that I was one of those women who was meant to have gorgeous pregnancies. Until I turned around after my shower one day and realized that my ass looked like a map of the NYC subway system. And then after my son was born and my milk came in, I got stretch marks on my boobs too. Nice.

- People always asking about my health. While things can (and as you no doubt know, do) go wrong in pregnancy, on the whole it is a totally normal, natural thing, and the majority of women and babies get through it just fine. I hated when people always wanted to know how I was feeling or if I had any problems or wanted to carry stuff for me. I just felt like screaming that I was just pregnant – it wasn’t a freaking disease.

- Extreme Home Makeover: Nesting Addition. I “nested” to the extreme in the last few weeks. I scrubbed the floors with a toothbrush, put up new shelves in my laundry room (why?!), cleaned out every drawer, cabinet, and closet, and pretty much just drove my husband insane. I’m pretty sure he was thisclose to divorcing me when I made him stay up until 11pm one night re-hanging one picture in the nursery because it didn’t look “just right” in the spot I chose. Luckily, my water broke about an hour later and our son was born the next day, or I might have been a single mother!

- Oh, and about that water breaking? Totally happened in my bed, soaking my mattress and my brand new Egyptian Cotton sheets.

It sucks when you feel like you missed out on something… I’m sorry.

Those maternity clothes though – I see them in stores and swoon over how cute they all are. I swear that I want to be pregnant “right this second” to wear that cute outfit…

But when are I’m actually pregnant, they are NOT cute. They do NOT feel cute… They do NOT look cute.

Why does it work that way?

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My mother only has one picture of herself as a child with her father (he died when she was 2). That picture is so incredibly special to her, because it is such a rarity. I think that we take so many pictures and videos these days, that each one individually becomes much less important and emotional. Maybe someday you will look back and have a special connection to those two photos, especially the full body one. Maybe turn it into black and white, and frame it up. I think that would be lovely.

Raging Dads last blog post..The pictures have all been washed in black