Lunch Time Stripper
August 19, 2008
When I’m feeling stressed out or I need a pick me up, I treat myself to a spa pedicure. As you know, I despise feet. I don’t even like to touch my own. However, I have no problem with people touching mine. In fact, if I didn’t have someone work on my tootsies on a regular basis, they would be horrifying.
By the time my lunch break came around today, I was exhausted. It was too hot to sleep in my car (what, you know you’ve done it), and I felt like I’d crashed on my brother’s couch too much lately. As I walked through the parking lot, I tried to figure out what to do with myself - I certainly wasn’t going to stay at work. That’s when it occurred to me that I should go to the nail salon down the street. I could sit in one of those awesome massage chairs and maybe get a longer foot massage and rest in air conditioning. Perfect.
The nail salon near my office is very clean and new, and everyone that works there is extremely friendly and good at their jobs. I picked out my color (Give Me A Coral Sometime) and sat down in my spa assigned massaged chair. I leaned it back as far as it would go, put the massage setting on “auto” and closed my eyes. My pedicurist was fantastic, she gave me an amazing foot and leg massage - so good that I actually ponied up for the extended ten minute rub. Getting my tired legs and feet worked on while the massage chair does it’s thing on my back is a great way for me to unwind.
I really didn’t think about much of anything when I was sitting in the chair. I forgot how completely silly a person looks in a massage chair. As the rollers glide up and down your back, your body is pushed forward in a rather suggestive manner. This particular chair had rollers that would glide up about an inch and a half, then shake back and forth, causing my body to shimmy from left to right. It felt awesome. I completely forgot that I was wearing a wrap dress that was juuuuuust a little too big on top.
I remembered I was wearing a wrap dress that was juuuuuust a little too big on top when my pedicurist gently placed a towel on my chest. My eyes popped open to see her smiling at me, and she said, “Your dress. It opened.” I peaked under the towel and yeah - my bra and boobs were completely exposed. They’d been jiggling back and forth while the massage chair made my chest do the stripper shimmy. I looked around the salon to see how many people had seen my free show. The women in the chairs to either side of me all had their eyes closed. Phew. But then I looked at the other pedicurists sitting at the foot of each chair, facing toward me. They were all grinning - including the two men who worked in the salon.
When I paid at the front, I felt like I should have been tipped instead of my pedicurist.
Posted in Heather, no one's in the hospital, stuff better left unsaid
August 19th, 2008 at 10:26 pm
Not one dollar bill stuffed in your bra? You were ripped off!
Guys work at nail salons?!? I learn something every day here.
Daddy Dans last blog post..Daddy Dan Interviews…..Terri Terri Quite Contrary
August 19th, 2008 at 11:49 pm
Not THAT’S a nail salon I would go to.
Wait. Is it almost 1am? What in the hell am i saying? Please don’t hold me to anything.
August 20th, 2008 at 12:23 am
I know that’s going to happen to me next time I go to the Man Spa. My junk is going to be wobbling and flying everywhere and I’m going to be oblivious until Linda taps me on the shoulder and says “sweety, you’re sharing what should be mine and mine alone.”
Backpacking Dads last blog post..And Make It Better
August 20th, 2008 at 1:51 am
Bow chicka wow wow!
I hate feet too, but I also hate pedicures.
My fear of feet is deep seated and I’d tell you why it started, but you truly do not want to know.
For realz.
dysfunctional moms last blog post..This Chick is ANNOYING!
August 20th, 2008 at 3:03 am
That is TOO funny. Pedicures are the best.
Have you noticed that Backpacking Dad has a thing going on for the man spa now?
Anna Maries last blog post..I can haz doggie noze?
August 20th, 2008 at 3:18 am
oh heather! you painted a very clear picture! and i agree…you should have had some $1 bills tucked in your bra. you totally deserved it!
natalies last blog post..Contest #2 is starting to stink!
August 20th, 2008 at 3:50 am
Heather’s boobs…not just for breakfast (Maddie’s) anymore! And I’m all about Peach-A-Boo, myself.
Middle-Aged-Womans last blog post..Traveling Back Home
August 20th, 2008 at 4:06 am
Damn. You mean you paid for painted toes and the men just wanted to look at your boobs? Men never notice when you’ve had anything new done.
August 20th, 2008 at 4:19 am
I thought that was you in that video I saw on youtube.
moosh in indy.s last blog post..Hot: Day 19-Don’t worry, hot doctors? Still hot.
August 20th, 2008 at 4:23 am
We all do what we can to brighten the days of others, right? At least you were wearing a bra.
Ms. Moons last blog post..Home
August 20th, 2008 at 4:47 am
We have a massage chair at home, and that has never happened to either of us, the entire time we have owned it!
Damn…. {snaps fingers}
Ahhh…. free stripper shows at lunch time…
Nothing better in the world… wait, did I just tell all your readers I used to go to a strip club on my lunch hour?
Ummmm, yeah I guess I did… and by the way, it is NOT true that “lesbians don’t know how to tip!”
Fiesty Charlies last blog post.."Save The Ta-Tas" Tuesday & Random Drawing!
August 20th, 2008 at 5:12 am
Oh. My. Gosh. My face got red FOR you!
August 20th, 2008 at 5:36 am
awesome. did you ask them to install a pole for next time?
August 20th, 2008 at 5:40 am
Once I had a half-hour long conversation w/ my contractor and didn’t realize my top was unbuttoned. No wonder I got such a good deal on that dry wall…
Jennifers last blog post..The Michael Phelps Diet!?!
August 20th, 2008 at 5:46 am
Oh my gosh how funny and embarrassing!
August 20th, 2008 at 5:59 am
Niiiiice! I wonder if there’s a grainy survellience video of your tatas on You-Tube now!
Jennifer, Playgroups are no place for childrens last blog post..Spirit
August 20th, 2008 at 6:32 am
I could loan you some of my boobies-then you could def fill out that wrap dress! I have much to go around!
mayas last blog post..Nurturing Individuality
August 20th, 2008 at 6:56 am
That’s hot.
August 20th, 2008 at 8:05 am
That’s awesome! What a lunch….
August 20th, 2008 at 9:27 am
That is the best story EVER! I thought I was the only one that had embarrassing things like that happen to me. My guess is you won’t be going back there any time soon. I wouldn’t either if they stiffed me like that!
August 20th, 2008 at 9:30 am
effing wrap dresses! they do that to me all the time too. i now wear camis under them so every man on earth does get a show every time i do anything
alis last blog post..skeletons
August 20th, 2008 at 9:50 am
the person who works next to me just came in to ask me if i was okay because i was laughing so hard and wiping the tears from my eyes!!
August 20th, 2008 at 9:53 am
No good treat, (teat?), goes unpunished. I’m so sorry that happened to you but I’m so glad I got to read about it!
Susans last blog post..Blessings - Part 4 Or QVC Featuring Children
August 20th, 2008 at 10:45 am
See, I was all embarassed because the last time I went for a pedicure, the guy gave me a calf massage and I had forgotten to shave. You totally topped me, though.
August 20th, 2008 at 12:40 pm
Funny funny funny. Thanks for letting us in on your embarrassing moment. Keep ‘em coming! I mean, gosh, I hope nothing embarrassing ever happens to you again.
August 20th, 2008 at 12:51 pm
Hilarious! And go you for taking it in stride.
Becky Mochafaces last blog post..Hump Day Humor: Man Meets Bench
August 20th, 2008 at 1:00 pm
Yes, you should have been paid. You probably gave those men something to fantasize about if their Playboy or Penthouse subscription is out. LOLOL!
August 20th, 2008 at 1:57 pm
Too bad you didn’t find a few singles sticking out of your bra later!
August 20th, 2008 at 3:22 pm
hmmmm… as I was reading this, I was eating a Dove chocolate. It’s message? “Get your feet massaged” - is the universe telling me something? I think so.
Zs last blog post..Mental Composition
August 20th, 2008 at 3:29 pm
I love pedicures. They are the one extra thing I give myself. I’ll have to keep an eye out for those massage chair, though, make sure it doesn’t get frisky on me.
Caras last blog post..Welcome to Bawlmer, Hon!
August 20th, 2008 at 4:11 pm
That’s a hoot!! Too bad no tip came your way, but hey, your pedicurist sounds awesome, respecting you enough to cover your breasts!
gins last blog post..An uninvited guest…
August 20th, 2008 at 6:27 pm
I’m betting money that a camera phone came into play just before she gently covered your shimmying bosoms….cause that’s a kodak moment no one could pass up!
Anissa@Hope4Peytons last blog post..Olympic Randomness
August 21st, 2008 at 9:16 am
This has got to be the funniest thing I have ever read…..I can’t stop laughing!!
Allisons last blog post..Better late than never
August 21st, 2008 at 9:31 pm
Niiiiiceeee…..
nanettes last blog post..Belated weekend recap
August 21st, 2008 at 10:37 pm
Totally. Awesome. *uncontainable snort*
August 22nd, 2008 at 3:34 pm
Very nice of your pedicurist to help you out there! And very nice of you to make them all smile at the end of a long day!
pgoodnesss last blog post..you can’t stop him, you can only hope to contain him
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